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In an effort to move on from an ex, I let a friend bully me into trying Internet dating a few years ago. Luckily, I had zero expectations. I went on a string of what can only be described as circus sideshow dates. A few were socially challenged, one was a selective mute, one was in heat, one just wanted to know how to housebreak his two Malamute puppies (my profile mentions I have a dog), one guy stated he was white in his profile, but was black the day we met, one had a bad case of BO and one guy was on a Crusade; an errant knight.
Jeff's a 45-year old divorced commercial airline pilot with 2 pre-adolescent kids. Granted, I'm not especially keen on guys with excess baggage (ex-wife + 2 kids = psychobabymamadrama), but the ex-wife had already remarried, which means it's highly likely she'd stopped yanking on his leash. We had a few quick calls. He wasn't the greatest conversationalist, but compared to the recent whackadoos I'd met, he seemed grounded and was pleasant enough, so I agreed to meet him for lunch.
We met on a cold snowy day downtown. He was on time (bonus points), neatly attired, BO-free (double bonus points) and vaguely resembled his photo (hey, at least he was the same race he endorsed in his profile). The restaurant I chose was closed, so we ended up at a Japanese sushi place nearby (I HATE SUSHI; deduct bonus points).
As soon as we were seated, he began to tell me of his love of ballroom dancing. I began to wonder if his marriage didn't work because he hadn't yet realized he's gay. I mentally chided myself for stereotyping and continued to feign interest. I must have really looked like I was interested because he started saying how easy it is to talk to me and since I was okay with his love of the dance, he want to share the most important thing in his life with me. Okay. I mentally braced myself for god knows what. Jeff stated he's on a mission to end infant male circumcision. Yup. The conversation went something like this:
"So, what do you think?"
“Um, a woman I used to work with did her dissertation on FGM (female genital mutilation). I think that’s pretty horrible. Do you object to male circumcision on the same grounds?”
“I think FGM needs to stop too, but I’m more concerned about infant male circumcision?” Yeah, last time I checked the foreskin didn't have anything to do with having an orgasm. “What began your foreskin activism, Jack?” Well, what else should I have called it? “Were you circumcised when you were a baby?” Have you always felt like there has been something missing in your life, but just can't put your finger on it? “No, I wasn’t circumcised, but my son was and I’ve regretted it terribly ever since.” Is this similar to men who become squeamish about having their male dogs neutered? “Were you opposed to circumcision before your son had the procedure?”
“I had never thought about it, but my wife wanted to have it done. That’s when I researched circumcision. It’s an utterly unnecessary procedure.”
“Well, for the Jewish faith, it’s a religious ritual and aren’t there some health benefits to it?”
“It’s an outdated and barbaric practice and the health benefits are exaggerated, if not false.”
“I thought it helped reduce infections due to questionable hygiene habits.”
“That’s simply ridiculous. Those are avoidable if a man washes himself properly.” Uh, ever been in a freshmen male res hall? You can smell the funk as soon as you enter. “Wow, Jack, I’m impressed by your commitment to foreskin.” Try saying that last statement with a straight face. I dare you. “I guess I never really thought about the absence or presence of foreskin before. You’ve given me a lot to consider if I ever have a little boy.” I wasn't going to argue with this guy about the practice of circumcision. I just wanted to get the f--k out of that sushi place ASAP. "Well, if all I am able to do is raise questions for people, that’s a good start.” Uh-huh. Mercifully, I didn't hear from Jeff after our recruitment lunch. To this day, I still associate sushi with foreskin. Maybe that's why I don't care for it?
Save the weird personal quirks until dates number 4 and 5. Hopefully, by that time the other person is emotionally invested and will think your little idiosyncrasies are cute, not creepy.
comments
That's a pretty raw combination of a topic given the environment. I remember the first time I saw foreskin, I thought it looked like an ant-eater and I was slightly turned off. However, Europeans don't get circumcised too often, a fact that I eventually acclimated myself to.
I did a college paper on FGM and it's horrific and founded upon keeping a woman subjugated to her man and to the society. It literally cuts a woman off from her right to feel pleasure while enslaving her to a life of self-alienation and feelings of unworthiness.
It in no way compares to the foreskin that is circumcised on a baby boy. Granted, I've heard the stories : that's why men are more sensitive than women to pain, because they remember the trauma etc. etc.
It could be argued that both practices, especially FGM, are barbaric. Still, men who are circumcised are at ease with their package and so are men who aren't circumcised. FGM survivors on the other hand, are a different story altogether. I would've dumped that guy, hard, and on the spot for making such a lame comparison.
Believe me, I never saw that guy again. Yes, the uncircumcized penis is a bit of an oddity. I think it looks more like E.T., although, I've never heard one say, "Elliot."
Yeah, FGM is horrific. I couldn't read my colleague's thesis all the way through. She had transcripts of interviews with the women. Horrific is an understatement.
clams anyone?