How to Tell if She's a Gold Digger! Hide your Wallets, Guys!

The dreaded Gold Digger! Nothing can alert a man's danger radar faster than those words. Well, maybe aside from "I'M PREGNANT" or "DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A RASH TO YOU?", but for now, lets focus on the much feared coochie traps.

Gold diggers employ the deadliest of arts and the most cunning of wits! Dealing with this subset of the feminine species requires 10 times more finesse and mental dexterity than any type of device that goes BOOM and should therefore be treated like a loaded gun! Of course, they're hoping your "gun is loaded" and they definitely plan to exploit their sexuality to your disadvantage since all men love things dressed in shiny, easily removed wrappers!

So the big question is... How do we deal with this threat?

Just like any enemy representing a clear and present danger, you must first identify the threat and subsequently neutralize it's capacity to inflict significant damage. Even better, if you play your cards right, you might get yourself laid and have her asking "How the Hell did that happen?"

The Easy and Obvious
For all the comedy this group provides, they do pose a medium grade threat. Generally, they are the type who prefer to wear Prada, but for the life of them, couldn't tell you how to spell it. They're not ashamed to flaunt their high profile status and alert you up front that you "have to pay to play" aside from the fact that her favorite phrase goes something like "my coochie is always dressed in Gucci!"

Play your normal game, keep her at a distance while giving her a few teasers of your wallet potential. One or two dates, and the deal can be sealed. Dismissed!

The Hard to Get
Oh my favorite! Getting some payback for your fellow man, that just days before, was harshly cast aside by this devious vixen is certainly a welcome challenge. Revenge may not bring redemption, but it certainly feels pretty sweet! Start making your plans over tequila shots while making fun of your friend who just got duped by little Miss Hard to Get.

The main give-aways are the cold shoulder and lack of attention she gives you until she knows you have some serious bank. Once this key distinction is identified, you know what she's after, so use it to your advantage. Toss her a few crumbs or, if you really want her as a mark on your six shooter, give in and spring for something she's after. Deal is done!

The Sleeper
This is the one you need to worry about. They are the type that easily slip under even the most professional dating man's radar. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, underestimate this foe because she has the IQ and tenacity to clean out your clock (among other things) faster than donuts next door to a Jenny Craig center.

Warning signs are subtle at first, especially for the old school traditional men. I'm from the southeastern US where chivalry standards are much higher than average, therefore, the danger is amplified. Tradition implies we pay for dinner, bring flowers, and open doors, which is perfectly fine because a few guys still enjoy this aspect of the dating game.

However, when she begins to push the dinner check over to you without offering to pay or routinely asks you for cash because the ATM is conveniently "out of her way" to work, it might be time to wake up and smell the roses. Watch out for the shifts in behavior from the first month of dating to the later months. Once you identify the trend, start making your escape routes as quickly as possible.

However, if you actually fell in love with The Sleeper, or any of the other gold digger types mentioned here, more power to you! Just make sure you have the bank account to satisfy her shopping sprees and she is hot enough to inspire envy in every other gold digger in the room!