You got a tax return? You lucky bastard!!! I wrote the IRS a nice fat check this year, like last year and the year before that. So first off, I hate you!

Relax, I won't give you bad advice. My first goal is to generate trust (through humor and brevity). My second goal is to make you a few bucks when your old, grey, and too tired to blow it on shoes or lap dances, so you can retire stress free in Cabo or Belize.

So, first thing to do when you get your tax return, is... AVOID GOING ON A SPENDING SPREE!

Think of this tax refund like money you found on the street, and were to miserly to return to the Lost & Found. Call it a gift from God, because getting money back from the US Government basically requires an act of God because they move so damn slow.

Now, assess your financial situation. Preferably, in this order:

1) Do you have an emergency purchase you need immediately?
Car troubles, medical expenses, etc., are all qualifying situations to use your refund instead of saving it.

2) Do you have a large amount of high interest debt?
If you carry a balance on a 15% APR credit card, use the entire amount you were given to pay down this debt, and refrain from using the card again for several months unless you enjoy making me more money since I own a few shares of Mastercard in my personal stock portfolio.

3) Are you saving for a big purchase within the next 5 to 10 years?
Maybe you want to purchase a home? Got a hot girlfriend needing some finger bling because she is cool as hell (or accidentally knocked her up)? Save these funds and put them into a safe investing account suitable to your risk and time horizon.

Now, if you skated through those 3 questions without saying yes, I still would advise you to save your 2007 tax return. Why you ask?

So you can retire early and grow your money tax free!

That's right, since the government just gave you "free money found on the street", why not make it work for you in the best possible way?

The way to do this, aside from starting up your own coca plantation in Columbia, would be to setup a Roth IRA account with some type of major financial institution (I prefer Vanguard or Fidelity). You should use a brokerage firm that has no IRA maintenance fees and low expense ratios in their family of mutual funds and ETFs. Remember, you also have to diversify unless you're a stock genius or just really good at Russian roulette.

Now, why am I pushing you towards a Roth IRA?

It's because IRAs are a tax sheltered investment vehicle to provide you with greater income during retirement. Since you pay taxes on your earned income each paycheck, you do not have to pay the additional capital gains taxes when you begin to withdraw the profits during your retirement. How important is a tax free account? Take a look at the chart.

By avoiding tax associated fees, it is entirely possible to retire with 50% more capital than you would have accumulated in a regular taxable account.

Can I get a HELL YEA from the cheap seats?

Questions/comments/concerns are always welcome.