How to get your wildest sexual fantasy fulfilled

Posted by Rob on November 10, 2007 5:09 PM PST

Recommend this? YES NO

Too many people go through life not getting what they really, really want. Most people assume their partner will consider them twisted or strange if they talk about their wildest fantasies. As a result, people end up settling for boring conventional sex. But the most vivid memories come from the most outrageous sexcapades. If you don't ask, you're not likely to get it! So go ahead and tell your lover what's on your mind. But do it with tact. Guys, this means don't blurt out something vulgar over cheeseburgers in a crowded restaurant. Set the mood. Create an air of expectation. And ask & listen first before you tell.

Bottom line on sex: people are incredibly inhibited. Our uptight culture raises us to believe that sex is bad and shameful. This level of repression is unnatural. Many people prefer to avoid embarrassment rather than enjoy fulfillment. Urges get thwarted, buried, extinguished. Deep inside, everyone is yearning for someone else to give them permission to bust out of their own inhibitions. You can be that person, if you proceed with tact and don't mind the risk of rejection. Sometimes just talking about sexy fantasies or asking what turns the other person on can be all it takes to break through to a new level of intimacy. And sometimes you've got to listen carefully for subtle clues.

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2 Comments

... at least, not with me. Intimacy is something you have to build up over time. I think it's okay to talk about sex likes and dislikes but you've got to start with a solid foundation of respect first.

Posted by Cool Breeze on November 10, 2007 5:21 PM PST

I agree 100%. However, some people just aren't capable of moving past their inhibitions. They project their bullshit onto you in an effort to make you feel bad and so they can feel good about their hang-ups. I was involved with a man who wasn't capable of playing along with my requests (none of them even registered on the full-on freak scale, btw). He was only interested in doing it one way (his way) all the time.

I asked for what I wanted. He wouldn't deliver and accused me of having an abnormally high sex drive. His accusation's sole purpose was to make me feel badly about myself. I could've gone one of two ways after this: a) feel ashamed about my drives and desires or b) realize this guy had incompatible sexual interests, wasn't open to anything outside of his repertoire and that he was also emotionally abusive (when someone tries to make you feel bad about who you are and what you want- it's abusive).

I didn't feel bad about myself or my desires, was able to see through his abusive crap for what it was and moved on without looking back. I also realized that being involved with a woman in possession of a high sex drive isn't something that most men would bitch about. Fortunately, I've a strong enough sense of self not to let a dick move like that crush me, however, there are plenty of people who'd be utterly destroyed by it. People have a tendency to put others down when they feel threatened or uncomfortable with unfamiliar situations, particularly if they involve sex. It's so fucked up.

It's like going to a restaurant and telling your companion if they order anything other than roast chicken off the menu that they're a deviant and they're "bad." This is equally absurd when applied to sex. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Plus, if a significant other has no trouble making you feel bad about your sexual desires, they probably make you feel bad about yourself across the board. It's a big warning sign. Pass.