How to Get Fired

These days it’s actually pretty difficult to get fired.  You might get ‘counseled’ or ‘re-assigned’, but good old-fashioned firing is hindered by a maze of legal ramifications.  However, there are still some things that will get you the boot.

· Arrive Late

Work start times are more like guidelines than hard and fast rules.  Snooze on, then take care of your personal business before moseying in to work.  Take a long time getting coffee and settling in before you actually turn on your computer.

· Drink

There’s a reason everyone’s always smiling in those vintage 1950’s photos.  Can you say three-martini-lunch?  It’s also not a bad idea to get loaded in the evening so you can come to work hungover.

· Chat Online

You should have really good broadband access at work.  (If not, find a new job!)  Work time is peak time for making and maintaining friendships.  Besides, you might not want your other to know about some of those friendships.  Wink.

· Download Porn

See broadband notes above.  Think of this as skill building – you’ll need to figure out how to bypass your company’s firewall system.  To cinch the deal, make sure to share this stuff with co-workers, especially those of the opposite sex.

· Be Rude to Client

What are you?  Customer service?  There’s too much entitlement attitude in the world today.  Adopt a personal mission to fight it where you can.  When customers make you mad, let them know! 

· Do Your Job

Do your job, your own job, and nothing but your job.  That’s all you’re getting paid for isn’t it?  If you don’t draw firm boundaries, they’ll be running to you for every little emergency.  So what if your desk is on fire.  Are you a fireman now?

What’s the best way you ever got fired?