About PeopleJam | Ad Network | Newsroom | Interested in joining PeopleJam as a Business Partner?
Copyright 2008 PeopleJam, Inc. All Rights Reserved. Privacy Policy | Terms of use | Feedback | Newsletter
How Do I Live Without You? I WANT TO KNOW!
Fifteen years ago, I was introduced to someone. I remember
meeting her for first time; she was unique, not at all what you’d expect. Instantaneously, I felt rebellious being her
in presence and it was intoxicating!
With open arms, I embraced her into my life. We talked together, we struggled together, we
celebrated together, and we mourned together.
She was always there for me. We
were inseparable.
change. Her flare didn’t nearly appeal
to me as it once did. I became irritated
by her presence. I felt the desire to
let her go. I began to plot and plan my
escape. But with every attempt, I found
myself back in her arms. What would I do
without her? Who would be there for me
when I needed someone? It became a love-hate relationship. The reasons for her to go were endless but
the thought of letting her go was overwhelming.
rope and let her loose. For the first
couple days I was ok, but soon after panic set in. I felt lost. I felt alone. I
felt scared. Depression set in and
everything made me burst into tears. I
felt out of control.
know what to say. Try as they might,
nothing was registering with me. I
hadn’t slept in days, I felt like I was loosing my mind. At this point, it was clear, my strength was
depleted and I accepted what had to happen. I wasn’t ready to let her go; I needed to gain
some closure. To do this, I invited her
back into my life. Under ordinary
circumstances, I would consider myself weak.
But instead I took this opportunity to recognize that I am ill-equipped
to deal with the situation as is and until I could own why I needed her, it was
going to be impossible for me to let her go.
my toxic relationship of choice. Some
choose sex, some choose food, some booze, I chose her. I am not proud of it and after this long
battle, I am very humbled by it.
relationship. This is not my first
attempt, but this is my first time going to battle with a full understanding of
what I am up against.
Here’s what I do know:
1. I CHOOSE, not her,
but ME!
2. The physical
addiction is minimal, the mental addiction is strong, the emotional attachment
is the beast that I am up against.
3. I can not do this
alone.
from my long time friend. With the help of a few friends/coachs here on the site,
I already feel like I have people in my corner this time around; but there is
always room for more! I’d love to hear
from anyone who’s ever been in a similar situation (smoking related or not)
that could help me feel normal.
Add To:
If you enjoyed this blog entry, subscribe to our newsletter and we'll keep you updated with fresh new content.
Congratulations on this healthful and difficult step in your journey. Remeber that's all it is, a few steps. . .
Peace and Light,
Teri Johnson
Spiritual Life Coach and Intuitive
Guiding You Into Authenticity with Grace
www.flowinharmony.com
Hi Beth,
Interesting dilemma! And not one that is uncommon, I might add! First, let me quote (or should I say paraphrase since I can't recall his exact words) Mark Twain who said something like: "It's easy to quit smoking; I've done it a thousand times!" :) In short, your "struggle" is quite normal and, in fact, quite "human." So there! You can now relax!
Many, many years ago (it now seems like a past life), I started smoking when I was in the Army (Vietnam). Since I figured that I was going to die anyway, it didn't matter to me what the health risks were--if my memory serves me correctly, I don't even think that there were "warning labels" on cigarette packages back then--and besides, it was much more macho to have a cigarette hanging out of my mouth (it went with the uniform and rifle)! After I was discharged from the military, I kept the habit until, one day, my son, who was about three years old at the time, put a cigarette in his mouth and pretended to smoke! When I told him "No," he said that he wanted to me like me! That was the last day of my smoking "habit." In effect, my choice at the time was not so much for me, but for my son and family. Besides wanting to "role model" a healthy lifestyle, I also wanted to live long enough to see my son grow up, etc., and enjoy life to its fullest. I came to realize that smoking (for me, at least) was not the kind of habit that I wanted to maintain. And since I figured that I was in control of what habits I wanted to have in MY life, I could choose not to smoke and substitute the "desire" with other outlets. I recall that it wasn't easy; but it was necessary.
More generally, I also learned a long time ago that "addictions" are like a water-filled balloon. When you press down on one part of the balloon, another part rises up. With addictions, the same phenomenon occurs--we tend to substitute one part of our addictive selves with another part. From a "health and wellness" perspective, it is therefore quite "normal" to challenge ourselves to move away from destructive "addictions" and substitute them with more "healthy" alternatives. And, once again, it requires, more often than not, a lot of hard work to confront such formidable challenges in our lives. You already know that this is not rocket science. It's actually harder than rocket science, since "1+1" doesn't necessarily equal 2! This said, as long as we all remind ourselves that "it's more important to be aware, then it is to be smart," we will be able to overcome (how fitting to be writing these words on Martin Luther King Day!) any and all challenges, no matter how formidable they may appear or actually be, that come our way! Hang in there!
Alex Pattakos, Ph.D.
Author of Prisoners of Our Thoughts
Center for Meaning
223 N. Guadalupe St., #243
Santa Fe, NM 87501 USA
505.988.5235
alex@prisonersofourthoughts.com
2 Comments