Relationships end for a reason, and it isn't always pretty. Often, that reason is so powerful that the entire relationship is destroyed, but if possible, wouldn't you prefer to maintain a healthy relationship with someone you've spent so much time and energy getting to know?

The longer you've been romantically involved, the more torturous and painful breaking up becomes. Other factors, such as children, a house, car, work, mutual friends, and extended families further complicate matters.

Peaceful Separations

If the cause of the break up makes forgiveness impossible – i.e. infidelity – then the ideal break up is sharp and immediate. A clean and permanent break is probably the best course. Maintaining a relationship, even as friends, can be psychologically draining. It's generally better to distance yourself and move on.

Even though you may have felt that the relationship was over for months, your partner may be completely oblivious. Depending on how they take the news, maintaining a healthy relationship after the break up can be problematic, particularly if the other person continues to maintain strong romantic feelings.

Staying Friends

In other cases a relationship can end amicably. Your partner might be going away to college or moving far away. You may have been friends with a person for years, had a bit of a fling, but then decided that you were better off as friends.

Whatever the reason, there are steps you can take to ensure that the break up goes as smoothly as possible. Following this advice will also significantly improve your chances of remaining friends with your ex.

1. Do It Now!

If you decide to end a relationship, get it done right away. Endlessly putting it off will mean it’ll never happen or you’ll end up blurting it out during an argument or at an inappropriate time.

2. Plan Ahead

If you live with your partner, you’ll need to make arrangements to sleep somewhere else. This is an important step. It cements the break up and prevents you from drifting back into old habits. Good places to stay include the homes of friends or family or renting a hotel room for a few nights.

3. Be Considerate

Ending a relationship on your partner’s birthday, just after their father has died, or during finals exams is a bad choice. While you shouldn't delay the break up, there are times when you need to consider timing. If they’ve just suffered bad news, give it at least a week, but don’t let that news become a reason for staying together.

4. Don’t Do It Over The Phone

Or, worse, by text message, carrier pigeon, or during a shadow puppet display. And don’t ask a friend to do it for you. Show some courage in your convictions. Do it face to face, preferably a place you can leave if the situation becomes uncomfortable.

5. Be Mindful Of Your Privacy

Don’t break up at a party, movie, or restaurant. Do it somewhere that affords complete privacy, like your home, or somewhere that provides a lot of empty space, like a beach or a park. It’s difficult to gauge another person’s reaction to a break up and emotions can run wild.

Conversely, if you feel that there’s a good chance that your partner will react extremely poorly to your news, you may wish to make your announcement in a place that is as public as possible.

Likewise, if a lot of your favorite stuff is kept at their place (i.e., CDs, DVDs, books, clothes, etc) carefully remove it in the days and weeks prior to your revelation. Getting it back afterwards – and in one piece – can be extremely difficult.

6. Be Honest

Sometimes honesty is the best policy. If you feel the need to break up because you’ve grown apart or become different people, there’s a good chance the other person will understand. They may even be relieved. It's likely that they've felt the same way but weren’t brave enough to make the break.

Be aware that even an honest comment – for example, ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ – can come across as extremely patronizing.

7. Lie

Sometimes honesty is the worst policy. If your reasons for ending a relationship are completely one-sided, selfish or just plain nasty, being entirely truthful with another person can absolutely destroy them. Nobody wants to know you don’t want to be with them anymore because they’ve gotten fat or are bad in bed. Make up something else. Consider their feelings and how you would react to similar news.

Be mindful not to lie outrageously, or to pile endless lies on top of each other – this will lead you into a difficult corner. Be aware that anything you say now may be used against you -- telling your ex that you’re not ready for a relationship will come back to haunt you if you’re dating somebody else within a week.

8. Have An Escape Plan

If things get bad or the discussion is going in circles, you need to have a back-up plan. Consider telling a friend or family member of your plans in advance and arrange for them to call you at a given time. Schedule your break up announcement one or two hours before you have to go to work.

9. Empathize

Even if you’ve done everything in your power to make the break up as smooth as possible, your partner is going to be hurt. Be mindful and understanding of their feelings. Consider how you would have reacted to the same news.

10. When It Ends, It Ends

When you’ve made the announcement, expect it to take up to a week for the dust to settle and everything to sink in. If you live with your partner or have children this process can take even longer. It's important that you do what's necessary to ensure that the break is maintained – now is not the time for make-up sex or putting on appearances with friends and family by pretending you’re still together.

Get it done and get it done right. An announcement in the local newspaper is probably a bit extreme, but when the relationship has ended keep yourself honest by letting other people know.

Ending a romantic relationship is never easy, but by following these steps you can make the process as painless as possible. There’s even a good chance of building a strong and rewarding friendship with your ex.