Guilt by Disassociation

Consciously walking on your spiritual path is a big deal! I consider myself lucky and extremely humbled to have walked next to many people as they pull themselves out of the illusion to live more consciously and more in tune with their intuition. Whether you prefer the term soul, spirit, higher self, divine essence, or some other term, we’re talking about the same thing – that pure essence that fills us, fuels us and inspires us when we take the time to tune in.

Unfortunately, “waking up” is usually preceded by some type of trauma, which leaves one of the first, and natural, responses to connecting with your essence as self-judgment. We lament the years we’ve wandered cluelessly or only half-listening. We wonder if it’s too late to move in harmony with our heart’s desire. And, we become critical of our process. Somewhat akin to a teacher admonishing a student who has finally shown up late to a test. Anyone rationally looking at that teacher would marvel that they simply aren’t relieved and happy that the student made it at all!

It is only because I’ve walked this path of self-criticism myself that I am so empathetic to others who experience the same feelings. I could easily turn into a blubbering idiot feeling like I had "missed the boat." I would then punish myself by denying myself some indulgence. I'd set up unrealistic goals so that I could "prove" to myself that I was unworthy. It took a lot of meditation and inner-work to realize that I was keeping myself stuck instead of enjoying the fabulous new place I had gotten myself to by simply being conscious of my journey. I encourage anyone who is going through this self-judgment to congratulate himself or herself for “showing up.” There is Divine Perfection in everything. If you were meant to wake up at age 20 then that is what will happen. My experience, however, is that we need to fully experience the illusion so that we can fully appreciate the bright light that we truly are. So before you admonish yourself, think badly about your choices or punish yourself, take a deep breath and reflect on how far you’ve come. Give yourself credit for getting to where you are, for waking up, for agreeing to play in the first place, and most of all, for the decision to move forward consciously.

Our society makes a bit deal out of negative consequences. To the point that we feel guilty for having found anything good in our lives. The same is true of spirituality. We feel guilt in order to temper our own expected disappointments. I now make a supreme effort to hold on to the good feelings and release any guilt I have about achieving them. I also strive to expect only the best from life and the result is that there is no need to prepare for disappointment.