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Going Home
Three weeks ago I finished packing up my West Hollywood apartment, got in my station wagon with my big yellow dog and a friend, and drove myself back to the house I grew up in in Connecticut. After much rumination and due to a combination of personal and professional shifts, I decided that it was time to make the move and have commited to living here for at least a year. Sometimes you just have to go! Stop the ruminating, the podering, the weighing pros and cons and just go have the experience...then you actually KNOW, instead of Wonder what it will be like. Yes it is risky and scary, but that, to me, is a far more attractive prospect than boring, stagnent, stuck and living in my head. So here I am.
Suffice it to say I am a "grown" woman, though you might be fooled were you to be a fly on the wall at my current digs. The parent/child bond is probably the deepest and most intense bond humans share with one another...at the moment I am only on the receiving end, having had no children of my own thus far. Having said that, over the years I have found that on many occasions, I am the one doing the "parenting". Sometimes out of my gentetic predisposition to control the situation, and sometime because they just plain NEEDED it!
So, the question is around how one goes home...or better yet, can one ever successfully go home? It is a challenge to say the least...but I am up to it.
What I am seeing is this...I have to change...I have to morph...I have to breath...I have to stop...I have to choose my battles...I have to be the one...me, not them, me. (cue heavy sigh here)
As much as I want to cry out "it isn't fair", I am more interested in what the opportunity here is...what is in it for me??
Here are some words that come to mind: Humility, transformation, self-management, self-realization, open-mind, true/authentic power (not over-powering and "winning"), love, forgivness, patience, verbal editing (choose your words wisely...you can't take them back), conscious choice.
Ok...it may be a tall order, and even if I can manage to master and incorporate half of these honorable qualities...WOW!
Now that would really be "winning"!
Peace,
Laura
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I've gone home several times in my life.
1) The first was after college. Talk about being slapped in the face with reality. I went from total freedom to being 13 all over again. However, it did teach me respect.
2) I then went home after grad school. Most of my friends were married and I couldn't afford to live on my own. This time, I was home, but I was clearly an adult, with a job and responsibilities. I learned to respect my parents responsibilities.
3) Now I mostly go home on holidays. Living 3000 miles away, I used to feel as though every conversation should be about catching me up and sharing my stories. Now I just go to appreciate their presence and expect nothing from them in return. As an early 30s adult, I realized how much I have changed, and how much home is the same. While it would be nice to see things also be different, I can see the comfort they find in things being the same.
And when I come home to MY HOME here in Venice, I know that am I truly home and that feels VERY GOOD.
Good luck to you in your search for home.
beth |community coordinator | life coach |seeker of knowledge|