"You’re too tall, you’re too short, you’re too pretty, you’re too ugly, you’re too young, you’re too old, your hair is too blonde, your hair isn’t blonde enough, your eyes are too blue, your eyes need to be brown, you have too much experience, you’re not experienced enough." How many times over that past twenty-six years of my acting career have I heard these words?

Rejection is one of the most unpleasant words in the dictionary—refusals, repudiations, turndowns, rebuffs, renunciations, disapproval, snubbing, dissing—basically people are shouting "I don’t want you! You’re not good enough!"

And what have I done with all that rejection? I have included it among my gifts for being the star you are.

You are probably thinking I’m crazy to consider rejection a gift, but I can tell you from firsthand experience that it is. From birth to death, we are going to be rejected thousands of times for one thing or another. It’s a good idea to get used to it early on and to make rejection our friend.

When I was growing up, my parents instilled great confidence in me that I could do and be whatever I put my mind to. What I didn’t realize was that other people were also putting their minds to similar things. This led to a lot of disappointment when I was runner-up instead of queen, or took second place in a talent contest or third place for my jar of jam at the fair. But none of this compared with the rejection that actors must learn to accept.

As an actor, every new day means interviewing for one or more new jobs. Sometimes weeks or months go by with every door slammed in our face.

Over the years, I have perfected the art of auditioning. Here are my action steps:
1. I learn the script and prepare carefully.
2. I dress for the part,
3. I pump myself up, and I walk in that door knowing that I am a gift!
4. Then I do the best audition I possibly can on that day.
5. I leave the room, refuse to replay the interview in my head.
6. Buy myself an ice cream to celebrate my achievement.
7. If I get the job, it’s icing on the cake. I’ll celebrate again.

The same steps that apply to auditions apply to every day activities as well as to business interviews. Always do your best, speak with integrity, face your fears. I teach my acting students to realize that it isn’t "Cynthia, the person" who is being rejected. It is "Cynthia, the actor." As the actor, I probably am too tall, too short, too pretty, too ugly, too young, too old, too blonde, not blonde enough, too blue-eyed, too brown-eyed, too experienced, or too inexperienced. None of us can be right for every situation, every relationship, every job.

Most people are crushed by their first rejection. We won’t get out of this world without experiencing rejection sooner or later. The secret is to embrace it and never give up. Rejection is a numbers game. For every "no" we get, we are closer to a "yes"—but only if we keep going, keep giving, and keep improving. When you are feeling down and out, it’s hard to get up and get going, but believe me, you can do it. Go for it, and keep going for it.

Success rarely comes on the first, second, third, or even fourth try. It may be the hundredth. Keep trying and don’t give up. Even when you are rejected unnecessarily, consider each rejection as character building. You are a miracle of life, and you can do it. Give yourself a break, but never quit. You are a star!

:Exercise: "Only 35 to Go"
I tell my acting students that an actor is really hot if he lands one job for every thirty-six auditions. Life is the same. You may have to date thirty-five duds, look at thirty-five prospective homes, apply for thirty-five jobs before hitting the jackpot. As hard as it is, try to see each "no" as tremendously positive because you are now that much closer to a "yes."

* * *

There is a "yes" around the corner.
Embrace each "no" and exclaim,
"Thank you, I am now that much closer to a yes!"

As hard as it is, try to see each "no" as tremendously positive because you are now that much closer to a "yes."