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Getting your hands dirty: Thankful for masturbation.
Oh don't be so shocked. Everyone does it, even you. Yes, you.
There's evidence now that infants engage in auto-erotic stimulation. I believe in the Italian way of life: If it looks good, wear it. If it tastes good, eat it. And if it feels good, do it. Life's stressful and draining. I think everyone should take their small pleasures where ever, whenever and however they can.
I masturbate when I'm single. I also masturbate when in relationships, even the sexually satisfying ones (it was an absolute necessity when I was with the Pelican). Masturbation is as natural a human function as breathing. I don't understand why so many people are embarrassed about it, denying what comes naturally.
Here's why I'm thankful for masturbation:
1) It's nature's sedative. If I can't fall asleep at night, it always works like a charm (please see my post about orgasms).
2) If I'm in a boyfriend-less period, it's my favorite way to wake up in the morning. It sure beats the hell out of an alarm clock.
3) I have a low threshold for incompetent and thick people. Let's face it, the world is heaving with idiots. If I couldn't masturbate, there would be a trail of dead stupid people in my wake on any given day, especially during a boyfriend-less period. The general public should also be thankful I masturbate. In some cases, it's the only thing standing between them and the mortuary.
4) When with a partner, it's a fun way to finish each other off.
5) When in a long-distance relationship, there's really no alternative and can be done over the phone or email (well, not whilst you're typing).
Unlike boyfriends and girlfriends who sometimes don't deliver, masturbation is constant and reliable. The ultimate form of self-sufficiency and self-love. Try that for a daily affirmation!
Just wondering if I should say this is what I'm thankful for at Grandma's Thanksgiving table next week? Maybe not. Then again, the old girl is stone deaf, had seven children and, I'm willing to bet, has probably masturbated, too, at least before the arthritis set in.
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Sistah, you said it..it's natural, normal, and healthy. (However, I did date a guy who was obsessed with it -- story for another time.) Oh, and guess what, masturbation releases endorphins just like when you exercise...and that's a good thing.
I never used to masturbate, I didn't understand why people made such a big deal out of it. I didn't know how to get myself off and I felt a little desperate each time I tried. Why not just pick up the phone and call someone, anyone, I figured. If someone is at least watching me, then I won't feel so stupid I surmised.
It wasn't untill I participated in a focus group with "Sexologist" Dr. Ava Cadell that the world opened up for me. Participants of the market research were rewarded with lunch, some cash, and some toys for the road.
Let's just say that I got lucky with my toy. I named "him," used him 2x a day, and broke "him." You're right sosubversive, it's a good way to go to sleep and an even better way of waking up. I was carving out a life for us. How do I get "him" on the plane when I travel? The realization that you don't need anyone else is pretty powerful.
In fact, I never had an orgasm before "him." I thought i did until I really, really did. Ever since my first big O, I now know how to guide my human partner toward what will work out, in the end, for the both of us.
For that, I'll forever be grateful to "him." May he rest in peace.
Thanks for commenting. Wasn't sure anyone would "touch" this blog. I love that you broke your toy. Am dying of curiosity- what'd you name him? I like the idea of a vibrator called "Bonny Prince Charlie." Don't know why.
The best way to get contraband past customs inspectors, who are typically male, is to put it inside a very female container, like a tampon box. I used to bring back Cuban cigars from Europe for years in a Tampax box. Not a single US official ever once opened it up. Depending how big your "friend" is, that could work. Should I post this separately as "Advice" in World Travel?
I haven't graduated to hardware yet, but anything's possible. I read somewhere it's more difficult to orgasm without a vibrator once you use one. Is that an old wive's tale? I don't want to make it any more difficult for men if I can avoid doing so. Anyone know?
Completely agree! I fall asleep right after, with my heart pounding, m.y body numb.....pardon me! brb
I've done the very same thing, pre-911 of course! I used a Tampax box for many years to smuggle back Cubans for my cousins. Same logic: I rightly assumed male customs officers wouldn't dare touch anything as anxiety provoking as a feminine hygiene product.
I wouldn't attempt this now as they run lab tests on containers of Biolage shampoo.
Additionally, I'm right with you on masturbation. I don't know a better way, aside from Grey Goose, to take the edge off. Of course, you don't end up with a hangover from too much masturbation- which makes it even better!
TJP
found this b/c of Digg. This sh*t's great i sent the link to friends- what the f*ck is this site anyway? its so hot to see chix write about this. do you have stuff anywhere else? im there
I consider it time for self- love. Loving thyself... Thanks for your authenticity!
I'm a little shy about revealing "his" name. It brings back too many wonderful memories. Besides, to understand why I named "him" what I did, I'd have to go into a graphic description of what "he" looked like....I don't want to ruffle anyone's feathers.
I don't masturbate. My body is a temple. I try my best to treat my body as sacred, not profane. We can't always succeed but I think we do our best to keep ourselves striving towards the better.
Awesome blog! I love your sense of humor! That being said, totally true. Every night, especially nights when I can't sleep. More women need to be this open and honest!
Number three is brilliant! Masturbation as community service. I'd skip that particular item on your list of things to be thankful for around Grandma. Unless your grandma is Dr. Ruth.
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