Finding Faith in Girlfriends

I'm almost too embarassed to admit how chaotic my life has been lately. Like everyone, I have moments (looooooong moments sometimes) of needing great contrast to remind me of what Truths I hold in my heart. A few weeks ago I held a girlfriend's gathering at my home (see my blog for details), to reconnect with my female friends after a summer filled with kids, traveling and, well, kids. . . . As I hostessed this soire, I knew in my heart that I would do anything for this group of women, but I hoped I would not have occassion to call on them for assistance; I see myself as rather self-sufficient.

School is in full swing, and with work and kids' schedules I'm busier than ever -- we haven't quite found our balance, and I found myself overcommitted and quite exhausted. My belief is that the Universe seeks equilibrium and we can only be out of balance for so long before the Universe will force balance. Late nights, multiple meetings, missed meetings, PTA, clients, homework (kids not mine), deadlines-- I was juggling so many balls I lost count, but I knew I was overwhelmed.

Lower back pain, gone for years, started flaring up. I knew is was stress related, but couldn't find a way to reliquish commitments -- afterall, I don't commit unless I fully intend to follow through. I still managed to make it to the gym after drop off this morning and timed it perfectly so that I could get home, shower, make it to a marketing meeting, get home, clean the house and ready it for BUNCO this eveing, pick up one child at 2:30pm, the other at 3:15, make it to the oldest child's riding lesson, home with an hour to clean up and cook dinner before kicking the hubby and kids out to go bowling so I could entertain (are you exhausted yet?). I made it as far as the shower, where upon using the squeegie to clean the glass, I threw my back out. I've never done this before. I heard the double pop and 10 minutes later I was still crippled and in tears still trying to pick my towel up off the floor!

I was determined to make it to the marketing meeting which was for a company owned by one of my closest friends. I called her to see if she could pick me up (I couldn't sit so driving was going to be an issue). She had the levelheaded good sense to advise me to go see a doctor. My husband is a full-time law student who had already left and was on the train headed to LA. To top it off he had his first interview today for a job. No way could I call him home now!

So, I took a deep breath and remembered that God gave me girlfriends for a reason. Though we all try to manage on our own (none of us call on each other nearly enough) it was time for me to trust that I am important. That was the tough call, "am I important?" Truth be told, that's why I rarely call on my girlfriends, I'm terribly afraid of finding out that I'm merely tolerated and not truly liked. This comes from my childhood--that was my experience in a small-town school in which my family was "outsiders." I hadn't realized how much this was infiltrating my life -- until this morning. Clearly my energy was severly enough out of balance that greater forces needed to come in and help me see a belief that wasn't serving me -- at all.

My friend Selene picked me up. She found my purse, my cell phone and me -- wobbling unsteadily-- and hauled me off to the doctor. She brought me home, left me comfortably with magazines, water and the telephone and returned later with lunch -- after taking my prescriptions to the pharmacy. She also called Jackie who called 10 other women to let them know BUNCO was off. Rhonda and Denise called to see if I needed anything and Sharon called to see if she could help with the kids.

As I sit here, I am so overwhelmed by the network of girlfriends that I have. And, how just this morning I was feeling overwhelmed, alone and out-of-balance in the Universe and through the positive energy of these women I feel renewed, rejuvenated and reminded of the grace and perfection that are always available to us.

Oh yeah, and that silly belief about "maybe no-one likes me. . . " Well, it's gone. I know where it came from and I'm fully aware of how it was preventing me from fully engaging in my life. How I was trying to take on everything that came my way to prove my worth.

The Universe seeks balance and if we are out of balance I believe that we are given an opportunity to reclaim it. If we ignore the signs (like chaos and physical symptoms) the Universe will intervene, but always with love, always with grace and always perfectly timed.