That's right. It's not a sign of something wrong if you are fighting in your marriage. It's a sign of something wrong if you are not resolving your fights. The key is shifting your focus from "me" to "we". You are in a dance together. You are both contributing equally to the pain as well as the joy. Focusing on fault doesn't help, trying to express how you feel does. He or she didn't "do" something to you, you are both in this dance creating actions and reactions together. If when he moves right she also moves left, then the dance works. But sometimes we step on toes. No bad guys here, just missteps as we try to dance.

Most couples are fighting to connect. You are hurt and angry because you want to be closer to the one you love, and her or his deepest longing is to connect with you as well. If you can stay in tought wtih this longing then the anger you express is the anger of hope. Anger of hope longs to make things better, and it refuses to settle for less. If you lose touch with the longing to connect then your anger can transform into the the anger of despair. This type of anger is a sign of someone having given up. Anger of despair just wants the other person to go away. Remember that you are fighting for connetion and you will stay in touch with your anger of hope.