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Ending a Relationship...When do the tears dry?
Hello everyone, I intro with my first post with the statement above. "When the tears dry..." I am sure that over the course of your life you either have or will experience love. Not just any type of love; a love that reminds you of the beauty of life and what it means to give of yourself until there is truly nothing left to give. If you have been so lucky to have experienced that type of love in your life and have lost it; then I am directly speaking to you. If you have never experienced this type of love, then you may want to listen to the advice that will come back on this topic as it may assist you, as well as myself on "When the tears dry!"
My story goes this way: I met the love of all loves, to this point in my life, and we shared some of the purest moments in my life, and I would like to think her life as well, together. We embarked on great journeys through one anothers minds and did things that I had never experienced with anyone to this point. Truly, for the first time in my life, I had been sweep off of my feet.
Beautiful, she is, physically as well as mentally. For the first time in my life as well, I truly felt like it was me that was being thought of when we made love. While we spent intimate moments together, maybe cooking together, or walking down the street holding hands, playing footise, showering together, laughing together or just gazing at one another, they were all memories that we created together; that were to last a lifetime.
One memory that sticks out heavily to me was our movie nights. Due to the fact that we lived in seperate cities, we would have unconventional movie nights. We would both go to blockbuster and rent the same movie and once we were ready to watch it, we would both count to three and press play and watch the movie while we held the phone to our ear. There are so many things that we did, that I can look at and remenisce about, but what I want to know is what do you do when the tears dry?
After 6 years the relationship ended and while we mutually ended the relationship, ending a relationship is never a bed of roses that you lay on and have endless laughter with. It is a process that invokes the fear of starting over. It delivers dead butterflies in your stomach and crippiling moments of loss and what seems like endless moments of pain and tears.
What do you do when the tears dry?
Obviously you have to move on, but what is the healing process and what protocall is there in place the tells you how long it takes you to heal? Is there a rule book on breaking up and mending? Is there some way of knowing that life will again be the joy that it once was? Is there solice in knowing that love will again beat in your heart again? If these things are to be, when will they arrive?
What do you do after the tears dry....?
What do you do when the last moment you had with that individual was the last and you treated it like those moments would be there forever? When the smile of that person is your sunrise and their soft kiss to end the days propositions is your sunset. When life was always so much easier...what do you do when just because you love somebody, it doesn't make it enough?
When the tears dry...what do you do?
Any feedback is welcomed!!! Poet
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I think you'll always have love in your heart for this relationship. Moving on, being engaged in life, dating others helps the tears to dry. I imagine that when you feel especially tender - either through a new relationship or anything that moves you - you'll feel a slight yearning because she'll always be in your heart.
I'd love to support you to create a beautiful holiday for yourself as this time of year tends to bring up a lot of feelings for people. And, in the new year, what about a vision of how can you create the same excitement you had with her whether or not she is in your life?
Looking forward to hearing more,
Jillian
Time is the only answer.
Love isn't something you ever really get over. There will always be a place for that person in your heart. All you can do is let time take its course and allow it to ease the pain. There is no cure for heartache. There is no manual that you can read that can stop the pain your heart feels. All you can do is be thankful that you were blessed enough to experience what a lot of people never have the opportunity to.
Thank you for bringing this up. I think that breaking up is one of the hardest things to do.. (I guess thats why they made that song). There is no easy route.
One thing that I find that helps are distractions. A distraction is anything that gets your mind off the breakup. It is important to make a distinction between healthy and non-healthy distractions.
Healthy Distractions for a Breakup include anything that reconnects you to yourself. Depending on your personality, some examples would be:
1) exercise
2) crafts
3) dancing
4) sports
Unhealthy distractions are ones that mask what you are currently feeling, some of these include:
1) drinking
2) eating
3) dating
Being an imperfect human being myself, I've definitely drowned my sorrows a time or two and I'm sure most others have too. But I find that in the end, sometimes it makes the situation worse.. drunken tears, missing the other person because of a bad date, etc.
Overall, I feel like the more you can identify with yourself, the more clearly you can clearly see why it was best for you to breakup and being to feel good that you made that decision for yourself, no matter how hard it was.
My husband and I are now into a six month divorce that has completely broken my heart. I had been with him for fifteen years and he truly was my soul mate, best friend, lover and I believed that we would spend the rest of our lives together. When I close my eyes I still see him, but older with gray hair and wrinkels. It's hard not to think of him when I hear a song, go to a resturant, or go for a walk, things we shared together. I'ts hard for me to even get in the shower where we shared intimate monments and wispered I love you. I lay in bed at knight and stare at the spot where he slept. Knights are very hard and lonely. I keep asking myself if I will ever love someone this deeply again. I'm at the point where I wish the tears would go away, but they haven't. Everyone keeps telling me that "time heals all wounds". I'm still waiting for my tears to dry.
The love you speak of sounds beautiful and what so many of us are searching for. Whether or not the person deserved it has nothing to do with whether or not they were lucky enough to have you love them. The only thing I would caution is to give your self time to heal. The last thing you'd want to do would be to get involved with another woman while still yearning for another. That would be cruel and although you may not think so at the time, its one of the most evilest acts towards another person-- because no woman no matter how great can ever be that other woman. Therefore you are setting a woman up to always be, at best, second. She'll feel as though you were always looking back and in your case it would be true. You’ll always judge a new woman against the old and if in your eyes there is no replacing the woman you are in love with where will any other woman fit in. Since you've had that most beautiful special love that you believed in and still hold onto, you shouldn't cheat another woman from having that true devotional love, the love that makes her heart smile and her soul at ease. Maybe part of your healing is watching someone else have the dream you lost. Appreciate true love in other relationships. Maybe you can figure out where you went wrong with the relationship, maybe there is something left to salvage, but then again maybe she already moved on you don’t really say how long ago the breakup was. I can’t tell you when the tears will dry. I am just asking that you don’t destroy someone else’s life while trying to find a tissue. I don’t have all the answers, but I know that if don’t let go of your past and move on then I truly feel for the next woman that falls in love with you.