Coping with Stress

Why do some people seem to have an easier time dealing with complex and challenging situations than others? Why do some people seem more capable of coping with stress than others? Through our life experiences and the investment that we make in personal growth and development, our repertoire of coping skills can and usually does change over time. We invest in ourselves—through such things as training, counseling, and, yes, even our participation in PeopleJam—and the return on this investment is a renewed effectiveness in dealing with life’s situations.

However, let me propose that it’s simply not enough to have a repertoire of coping skills or, put differently, a “toolbox” filled with coping mechanisms, at our disposal when confronting life’s challenges and when dealing with stress. There is actually something more fundamental that must precede the use of such mechanisms if we really want to build our “coping” and stress management capabilities.

As most of you now know, I was blessed to have as a mentor, the world-renown psychiatrist, Dr. Viktor Frankl. Frankl’s personal story of finding a reason to live in the most horrendous of circumstances—Nazi concentration camps—has inspired millions. In my book, Prisoners of Our Thoughts (which I wrote at Dr. Frankl’s personal urging), I apply his philosophy and therapeutic approach to life and work in the 21^st century. In this regard, here is a passage from my book that describes Frankl’s thoughts upon his arrival at Auschwitz:

“Unless there was a 100% guarantee that I will be killed here on the spot, and I will never survive this concentration camp last part of my life, unless there is any guarantee, I’m responsible for living from now on in a way that I may make use of the slightest chance of survival, ignoring the great danger surrounding me in also all of the following camps I had been sent. This, as it were, a coping, not mechanism, but a coping maxim I adopted, I espoused, at that moment.” (Emphasis Added)

In Frankl’s case, had he not adopted his coping beliefs upon his arrival at Auschwitz, he might not have been able to sustain his optimistic and passionate view about his chances of survival. By choosing his fundamental attitude, which he called his “coping maxim,” the coping mechanisms in his psychiatrist tool kit then became more meaningful and effective.

What lessons can we learn from Dr. Frankl’s experience? Think about difficult situations in your own life or work in which your attitude played a defining role in how well you were able to cope. Think about the coping mechanisms that were at your disposal. Did you choose to use them? Why or why not? How effective were you in coping with the situation and the stresses that may have been associated with it? Now ask yourself a more fundamental question: What guides your coping skills? What principle or principles underlie your decision-making in complex, challenging, and stressful situations?

Now ponder the times when you observed people who were guided by their coping skills in difficult decision-making situations. I am sure that you can identify cases of extraordinary resolve by your family members, friends, and co-workers during times of hardship—personal or occupational. Although these situations may not have been as catastrophic as that experienced by Viktor Frankl, they may still have been formidable and highly stressful challenges to overcome or survive. What can you learn from these people and how will you “grow” from their experiences? As a result, what principle or principles will underlie your decision-making in complex, challenging, and stressful situations in the future?

(c) 2008 Alex Pattakos, Ph.D.