Chosen Paths

Sometimes we deny the reality of personal choice in the hope of negating our responsibility. At least once in our lives, we will come to a fork in the road whereby one path leads to the “right choice” and the other to “our preferred choice.” Oftentimes, we put on the blinders and head down the latter path, choosing instant gratification over long-term consequences. In due time, the consequences of our choices catch up with us and we are left with the painful reality of the choice we made. It’s easy to withdraw, lose perspective, and scramble for excuses and blame. Not only does avoiding responsibility not solve anything, it merely denies the opportunity for personal growth and the ability to move on.
Over the past year, I have watched my best friend get involved with a married man. She knew from day one that he was, in fact, married, but chose not to let this deter her feelings and subsequent actions. I tried to stop her, but she fell in love and became caught up despite my warning. Like watching a train wreck, I stood by helpless, actively present to the unraveling of a human being. Unsurprisingly, he did not leave his wife. Unsurprisingly, she got her heart broken. She has chosen to dump the majority of the responsibility upon him, accusing him of leading her on and of inappropriate pursuit. Of course, it was her decision at the end of the day to reciprocate despite her better judgment. As long as she chooses not to acknowledge her role in the situation, she will continue down the path of anger and self-destruction.
We all make mistakes. We all make the wrong choice sometimes, knowing very well it is the wrong choice from the start. I tried in earnest to stop her because I had been down wrong paths before as well. Quite recently, I realized that despite my attempted intervention, she was going to make the decision regardless of my protests. Just as I have had to come to terms with my previous choices on my own, so must she. This is how we learn; by doing and living, not by being told how to do and live. Sometimes we have to fall down, if only to learn how to pick ourselves back up, dust ourselves off, and move on. I believe she will come to this realization eventually and finally begin to heal. Owning our actions and taking responsibility for the consequences are all parts of growing up and though some of us resist this more than others, sooner or later, it becomes inevitable. Maybe the next time we come to that fork in the road, we’ll think twice before walking blindly down the road of wishful thinking again.

I can only be responsible for the choices I make and cannot guide the way for others, in hopes they will not repeat my own mistakes.