Breaking up is often the best thing to do

I dated an emotionally stunted man for 9 months. Prior to this relationship, I had a history of becoming involved with emotionally unavailable men. He was the proverbial straw. Afterward, I took a break from dating for almost a year. I remember telling a friend, "That’s it. I've had enough. I can't do this anymore."

Rather than blaming all men for the poor relationship choices I'd made for 17 years (as so many women do), I examined what I'd been seeking in these relationships and why history repeated itself.

During that time, I wrote two books, changed careers, and had two romantic "near misses" that put my self-discoveries to the mettle. I learned what I want in a relationship and what I will not accept in a relationship. I no longer make excuses for people's behavior- we all had painful childhood experiences, but if it's still dictating your adult relationships, it's a problem.

Although my most recent relationship ended, it was a new experience for me. It was reciprocal, warm and healing and it ended with neither enmity nor blame.
If the person with whom you're involved consistently causes you to feel badly about yourself, undermines your confidence, makes you feel like you're a "bad person," and/or causes skin blemishes from the degree of stress induced by the relationship, it's time to end it. Look at the choices you're making and what earlier traumas and dramas you're recreating and break the cycle.

Love relationships don't have to hurt. They should ultimately be a source of comfort, safety, support, and passion; not a source of self-doubt, self-abuse, self-loathing and feelings of never "measuring up."