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Are You Saying What You Mean?
Over the next week, write down how many times you use a word knowing that it's not exactly what you mean. (For instance, like, love, friend, etc.) Our language is more limited than most dialects worldwide. So, we are forced to say things that we don't always mean hoping that the person with whom we are speaking understands the implied message. After writing the word that wasn't quite right, write out a definition of the feeling(s) that you were really trying to express. To take it a step further, you can look on the internet for words that carry these feelings in other languages.
Surely you have had someone say something to you that left you feeling confused as you tried to piece together what they really meant. Or perhaps you've been the one delivering the message only to have the recipient stare blankly at you or hem and haw as they try to respond, while you backpeddle to explain yourself. By paying more attention to what we are feeling, we actually develop a deeper and more complex language. We learn to convey with words and emotion what it is that we are truly feeling, resulting in fewer mixed messages being sent or received. I'd love to hear what people come up with. What words do you use a lot that don't necessarily always convey your intentions?
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Teri, I love this suggestion. :) Being aware of our words and whether or not they convey what we mean is so important. I have often found that the messages that come from my heart are the most powerful and closely aligned with what I am trying to convey. Your great suggestion also reminded me that it is important to not speak out of anger. I know in doing so the message is not conveyed in a way that truly represents what I wish for it to. Thanks, Teri!
Hey, What's up? Never-mind, what?, It's okay, I'm fine, Good/Great, I forgot, How are you?, Really?, I'm crushed, (any and all expletives)...that's interesting...i hate blah blah blah...
Just by writing this list right now, I see that at times, I cater to the other person's fear of silence and so I'll fill in the uncomfortable space for them with something that I don't mean to say at all.
At other times, I haven't given myself permission to really take in what it is I've just heard and so I'll give a knee-jerk reaction comment that doesn't accurately reflect what's going on inside me.
In the end, old habits die hard (i.e. sarcasm)
Amanda,
I think you covered almost all of the common phrases -- you're not alone! I have found that in our busy society, we train our children (who then grow into adults repeating the pattern) to never take up too much of another person's time. I remember some faceless adult once telling me that "the store clerk really doesn't care how you are, they were just being nice." I heard that remark loud and clear. Just say "I'm fine, how are you?" and move on. . .
I now practice not asking questions like "how are you" unless I have time to truly hear the answer. More specifically, I ask more confined statements like "It looks busy here today, have how has that affected you?" People look perplexed at first, but will then give genuine answers and I can feel that they are grateful that someone cared.