Sometimes the typical upbeat prescriptive advice professional caregivers and coaches give doesn't help. Do you respond to "volunteer time with those less fortunate to remind yourself of everything for which you have to be grateful" with "Are you f**king kidding me?" Yes? You're not alone. I have some offbeat advice to help get you through the holiday season with a certain style and joie de cynicism. Sometimes you have to embrace the “dark” in order to break through to the “light.” Besides, being positive all the time is boring. Malcontents unite!
Distract yourself & keep busy. Call, visit or e-mail friends who dislike and dread the holiday season as much as you do. Surround yourself with misanthropes who avoid dysfunctional family gatherings like an Evangelical Republican “consciousness” raising. Get together for martini-fueled, carbohydrate laden hors d’oeuvres binges. Don’t worry about the caloric damage now; you need to come up with New Year’s resolutions in a few weeks anyway. At least you’ll be prepared.
Find non-traditional ways to pass the time during the holidays. Is your family too difficult to deal with? Begin an annual, multi-denominational holiday dinner party. During my last 4 years in Boston, I founded and hosted a “Very Gay Jewish Christmas Dinner.” All you need is a small tree, a menorah, a turkey, and a pear-port sauce to die for! (and some heavily spiked mulled cider). Go to a favorite piano bar with friends, seat yourself on top of the baby grand and lead a group of 40 or so men in an off-key rendition of “Edelweiss” (not that I’ve ever done this, of course, but I hear it’s good fun).
Self-care. Only do what’s good for you. Period. Does your family put the “fun” in “dysfunctional?” Don’t be guilted into attending family parties that will leave you feeling depressed and desperate. If they don’t understand, too bad. You’re an adult. They have another 364 days in which to make you feel lousy about not attending the family festivities. They’ll just have to content themselves with that. Eventually, it will blow over. If not, hey, that’s what Caller ID's for.
Watch your favorite dark comedies. Anything that helps you to laugh at the absurdity of it all is perfect. Personal recommendations include: The War of the Roses, and Very Bad Things; preferably something with a body count at the end.
Make a batch of anatomically correct gingerbread men (or gingerbread women) cookies and name them after your exes (Molasses Honey Ginger Cookies). If you’re not handy with the icing decoration bag, some well chosen candy is just as effective, not to mention a time saver.
For instance, is your ex-boyfriend a Good & Plenty kind of cookie or more deserving of a Tic Tac? Is your ex-girlfriend cookie in need of two mini-marshmallows or two nonpareils? It’s a judgment call. After you’ve named and decorated the little fella’s (or ladies), pour a frosty glass of ice cold milk and ENJOY. I think you’ll find this takes “comfort food” to a whole new level.
Holiday housekeeping. Weed your garden. Rid yourself of anyone or anything that is toxic, draining, and unhealthy. Do so with neither remorse nor regret. There are those among us who are energy-joy vampires. They will suck you dry until nothing is left. If you can’t rid them from your life entirely, at the very least, minimize contact.
Decide what you would like to be different in your life in the year ahead and then pursue it with purpose and determination. Think of where you’d like to be this time next year and make it happen. Be creative and dare to be different.
Sometimes what works for most people doesn’t work for everybody and that’s okay. March to the beat of your own rhythm section and don’t worry what others think. Smile and know you’re having fun (or not) while living life on your terms. Besides, the road less traveled is a hell of a lot more interesting.
Anatomically Correct Gingerpeople Cookie Cutters ($18) available at www.uncrate.com