Addicted to the Office

“I’m Libby and I’m a workaholic.”

“Hi, Libby,” the group responds in unison, their soothing singsong hanging in the air.

“I’ve been in recovery for six years and things are going pretty well. But sometimes when I’m glued to my computer screen, I suddenly break out in a cold sweat thinking I was supposed to pick my son up after school and I’m five hours late.”

An understanding murmur ripples through the crowd. They know what it’s like to leave a kid sitting on the school steps because you’ve got a hot client on the hook. Or to let your mate sit alone in a restaurant because you can’t pull yourself out of a meeting. Or, as one mom admitted to me, she secretly feared that she was so preoccupied with work that she wouldn’t notice if her toddler veered toward the swimming pool one day. The consequences are unthinkable, the guilt is overwhelming. Still, you’re addicted to the office.

I recently spoke to a woman, whom I’ll call Katherine, at a health care convention where I was lecturing. Holding back tears, she told me she had two teens and a husband she loved dearly. Her family had been begging her for several years now to get home from work in time to eat dinner with them, never mind cooking it, Dad would handle that. But somehow, five o’clock would roll around, then six, then eight, and her husband would be calling her at the office for the second or third time to remind her to come home.

The tragedy of Katherine’s confession made me grateful that I’d overcome my own workaholism to put my life back in balance. Katherine and I set up a schedule, then she called her husband and boss to enlist their support. They were delighted to help. Katherine was a model employee, workaholics often are, and while her boss appreciated her productivity, she had no desire to see Katherine continue on her punishing path to burn-out. Katherine’s husband had long since run out of ideas and was willing to try anything.

The plan was simple. Katherine would arrive at the office every day by eight-thirty a.m. and leave four days a week by six p.m. - a standard workday for her company. She’d allow herself to stay at the office until seven one day a week, or until six-thirty two days. To hold her accountable, Katherine’s husband agreed to call her at five-thirty each day, then again at six to make sure she was winding up her work and heading home.

I warned Katherine that she might feel a little bit like a trapeze artist caught between letting go of one bar and grabbing onto the next. It was the gray area in between, the gray area where most of life is lived, when she’d be hanging in mid-air that would be the hardest for her. But the only way she could grab onto that new life was to loosen her grip on the old one and trust her support net. She agreed.

If you’re ready to stop getting all your juice from the job, how about trying one or all of these?

· Slow down and rediscover simple pleasures like reading the Sunday paper front to back or playing a board game with your kids.

· Plug into people and not devices by setting boundaries for use of your cell phone, Blackberry and email.

· Don’t kid yourself that foregoing vacation time makes you the office hero. Take the time to recharge.

My son told me recently that back when I was working killer corporate hours, he’d ask his dad, “Is Mommy coming home tonight?” It nearly broke my heart. Then, immediately back to the imp, he cracked that now that I have my own business and he sees me all the time, he wishes I’d go back to go back to my old office hours. Not a chance!

Libby Gill is a personal coach, columnist, lecturer and author. For a complimentary coaching consultation, please email AskLibby@LibbyGill.com or call 310-215-0222.

Setting boundaries at work can decrease stress and create a more balanced lifestyle in the short and long run.