29 Days of Bad Dates: Number 5 - Five-foot-nine 9 in ABC's The Bachelor Inches

Dating Diasaster No. 5

"Joe" was my first Internet date ever. He was 36-years old, dark hair, dark eyes, MBA and claimed to be 5’9 in his profile. After a couple emails, we agreed to speak by phone as a prelude to meeting. He spent the weekend in Marblehead and said he'd call Saturday afternoon.

Saturday came and went without a call (Strike One). Do I really need to explain why this is unacceptable behavior? Usually, you have to wait until after you've had sex for telephonic neglect. Joe was clearly advanced in the art of the "I'll-Say-I’ll-Call-But-Won’t-Really-Call" practice. The next day, I sent a polite, non-hostile (no fooling) email to inquire if he still wanted to meet. Joe telephoned immediately (mea culpa).

Joe apologized and claimed he forgot to bring my number to Marblehead. Whatever. We had a short, forgettable call. Be advised, when Internet dating, sometimes a person comes across in email as funny, delightful, and charming; however, in person or via telephone, the person is flat, uninteresting, and mind numbing. I don’t know if this is because said person suffers from social anxiety or because some people are more proficient using different modes of communication and/or some combination of the two.

What I’ve learned is this: If the first phone call is not enjoyable, if you find yourself feeling like you would rather watch paint dry than talk to the person for one minute longer, it’s probably best not to meet the person. They generally don’t improve with direct contact. Sometimes you might have a great call and then wonder if the person across from you is the same man you spoke to on the phone. It’s a mystery. Additionally, it’s much more difficult to make a graceful escape in person. If the person has social anxiety, give them a chance to come out of his or her shell.

We agreed to meet the following day at Osteria Rustico’s for lunch, across the street from my office Lesson #2: If there's no mutual compromise on time and place and the other party has already committed a social blunder, always elect to do what is more convenient for you. There have been numerous times a man said he wanted to meet and then made it as difficult as possible because of his "busy schedule." By the time this type of man finally agrees upon a day and time, I've no longer any desire to meet him.

I arrived at the restaurant (that was convenient for me) and waited. I'd no problem recognizing Joe. He resembled his photograph with one “tiny” exception. I don't know what measurement system Joe used when entering his height into his Internet profile, but he wasn't 5’9 in any system of measurement with which I'm familiar.

ABC’s, The Bachelor, is a horrible show that I can't stop watching. I refer to as a “T & A” show (Twits & an Ass). It's a smorgasbord of human train wreckage, Axis II pathology, and interpersonal conflict. The possibilities for gleeful, malicious enjoyment of other people’s televised humiliation are endless. Paging Dr. Schadenfreude, stat!

Much of the information claimed by the contestants is pure fabrication. For instance, many of these women claim to be 28-years old, but look like they are well over 36-years old. Reality shows use a conversion metric. For example, she’s 28- 28 in Bachelor years. Perhaps Joe actually is 5’9- in Bachelor inches.

Missing inches aside, Joe and I shared an awkward, but polite lunch and then parted company. Although, I had no desire to see the little sprite again, I learned some important lessons about Internet dating, social anxiety and realistic expectations. Check, please.