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10 Ways to Recognize a Jerk
A jerk is a know-it-all who doesn't know what he is talking about. They are able to carve a wide path through the serenity in your lives, because you are so aghast, dumbfounded, and appalled by their outrageous behavior. Instead of reacting assertively, you stand transfixed like a deer in the headlights of a car. It takes almost all your self-restraint to keep your cool in the face of their audacity, which is why it is so difficult to "Just Say No" to jerks. They are the opposite of a good guy or gal [see: Top 10 Ways to Recognize a Mensch].
1. They interrupt.
2. They don't take turns.
3. They take advantage of people who are down.
4. They gloat in victory.
Read the next 6 at: Usable Insight http://markgoulston.com/articles/coachville.shtml
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hey dr mark, don't leave us hanging. post the whole list so we dont have to go hunting for it
I agree with comment #1. If you can't finish it, don't post it.
I plead "Guilty." I did share a teaser of this post to generate enough interest for people to check our my website. In the future I will not do that, or at least post enough of the blog to be satisfying vs. teasing.
The question however is whether that was a jerky thing for me to do, or was it a jerky thing to anonymously slam me for doing it. I would ask the people who posted their comment or who slammed me to go to my site and print out this list and then share it with the people in their lives and ask those people if they see you as guilty of any of the things on the list. If they are candid and care enough about you to say, "Yes you do that," to any of the items on the list, DO NOT defend yourself. Instead ask them how much it hurts their feelings or frustrates them, apologize and make a commitment to them to do better in the future.
If you really want to keep that commitment, ask them if you can check in with them to periodically check in with them to see how they think you are doing.
Now the plus for you. If you have this conversation with them, tell them that you would like become a better spouse, friend, parent, kid, etc. to them but can only work on a few things at a time and ask them if they would be willing to let go of the past so that you can keep your commitment. Tell them that if you do make these positive changes and they keep bringing up other stuff from the past, it is going to be very difficult to stay motivated to change. Good luck.
I plead "Guilty." I did share a teaser of this post to generate enough interest for people to check our my website. In the future I will not do that, or at least post enough of the blog to be satisfying vs. teasing.
The question however is whether that was a jerky thing for me to do, or was it a jerky thing to anonymously slam me for doing it. I would ask the people who posted their comment or who slammed me to go to my site and print out this list and then share it with the people in their lives and ask those people if they see you as guilty of any of the things on the list. If they are candid and care enough about you to say, "Yes you do that," to any of the items on the list, DO NOT defend yourself. Instead ask them how much it hurts their feelings or frustrates them, apologize and make a commitment to them to do better in the future.
If you really want to keep that commitment, ask them if you can check in with them to periodically check in with them to see how they think you are doing.
Now the plus for you. If you have this conversation with them, tell them that you would like become a better spouse, friend, parent, kid, etc. to them but can only work on a few things at a time and ask them if they would be willing to let go of the past so that you can keep your commitment. Tell them that if you do make these positive changes and they keep bringing up other stuff from the past, it is going to be very difficult to stay motivated to change. Good luck.
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