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Why We Wait In Line for iPhone 3G and You Are Inferior
While waiting in line this weekend at the Apple store in Santa Monica, I was shocked by the questions posed by passers-by to the line-elites.
These people were most likely foreigners or red state hillbillies on summer vacation. The degree of ignorance displayed was disturbing.
It was as if we'd crash landed on a Planet of the Apes, where only I and my fellow line-warriors had any conception of modern technology, civilization, and the messianic glory of Father Jobs and the Apple Trinity.
Though I doubt these people own computers or are capable of reading complex English, I must record responses to their questions with the hope that many thousands of years from now their species will advance to the point that they can comprehend our brief encounter with their primitive ancestors. (Like our relationship with the aliens that built the pyramids.)
What are you waiting in line for?
Perhaps the most common question, as well as the most unfathomable. We are honoring beauty, imagination, childlike wonder, and all that is pure and good in the world.
Beyond the animalistic lives of primitive humans, there is a higher plane of spiritual being. Although we cannot depart our bodies and live permanently in this realm, we must grasp for it and cherish the rare moments of nirvana that can be achieved through ownership of iPhone 3G.
Why are you waiting in line for a phone?
iPhone 3G cannot be described by the word "phone" in your primitive language. It is the most advanced handheld device ever known to humanity and probably the universe. Perhaps the magnitude of this technology is easier to comprehend if you think of iPhone as a magical artifact that sorcerers use to communicate with omniscient spirits.
Won't iPhone 3G still be available next week?
Technically, yes. But you are missing the entire purpose of paying tribute to the glory of iPhone and the great blessing bestowed by Apple Corporation. In the way that people make public demonstrations in support of abolition, human rights, and civil liberties, the Apple faithful show their loyalty to the one true producer of consumer electronics.
Also by next week anybody could have one. Even dullards like you will get wind of it and the entire cachet of being among the first people to get one will be totally shot.
How long have you been waiting in line?
This question is completely irrelevant. You might as well ask the souls in purgatory how long they'd be willing to wait before gaining entrance to heaven. The human conception of time has no meaning when scaled to infinity.
What's the difference between iPhone 3G and the original iPhone?
Oh nothing, nothing at all. Nothing besides dramatically faster internet connectivity, real GPS technology, a redesigned exterior, and dozens of brand new applications that do all types of crazy intelligent stuff you probably never heard of. But other than that no difference at all.
And finally...
Can I buy your spot in line?
No, but you can cut in front of me when no one's looking for $500 and I'll pretend you were there the whole time.
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L O S E R S
the iphone is a not very good at being a phone (too big and hard to dial) and it's not really good as an mp3 player (because you have to activate it before it does anything)and it sucks as a browser (since you gotta pay to use FREE wifi). Oh, and grow up loser.
LOL, all I can say is GOOD LUCK WITH THAT! LOL, Im not ready to give up me BlackBerry Curve just yet.
I love the fact that the readers of this blog post are on the whole DUMBER than the people you refer to in this satirical piece... well done. And as an Australian, guess what ... do GET irony.
ahhh... funny... perhaps.
but i don't think so - because something tells me that you actually believe everything you wrote.
Well written!!!
All Microsoft Enthusiasts must just f*** off!
And WTF is this sh** about "my ugly phone is better than iPhone" sh**? Your N95/Cracberry/or other inferior piece of crap - is a piece of crap, go hang yourself a thousand times, a**hole!
I prefer my phones with buttons....
Linux? Hah, having used and mastered it, it's nothing but a toy.
Keep playing with it, maybe it'll do what you want.
It doesn't harness the power i require, i use OS X, it does.
Disagree? I don't care.
iPhone == uFail
Signs of the end of times.
Best. iPhone. Article. EVER.
3G is old news and you Apple boffins are acting like it's hip and cool, fuck off.
I didn't wait in line to get my Nokia, and you know what? It has 3G!!! shocking eh? It can run applications, I can play Quake on it and all sorts of crap. At the End of the day it's still a phone just like the iphone.
Your article is stupid elitist bull shit and you've been played by Apple once again!
I didn't even chuckle tho T_T
Well I have to wish you luck. I must say that any man who is able to overlook telecommunication CRABS (ie: a 2 year contract with AT&T) and become an iPhone 2.0 early adapter is either very brave or extremely foolhardy, especially after Apple screwed over all the 1.0 adapters by cutting the price after a month.
Anyone snobbishly declares its superiority must also recognize the not so distant past of the 90's when Apple couldn't sell a product to save themselves, but I'm sure you stuck with them through their trying times. Within the last few years Apple products have been worshiped with pure zealotry by Apple fan boys.
You geek
apple fanboys are freaks
Reading what you wrote in your blog up there shows how crazy society has become. Standing in line for days just to be one for the first to have a new phone. And yes, calling it a phone is the right word to use (even Apple call it iPhone in case you haven't noticed).
This whole post is just pathetic, calling yourself "line-elite", shows me, the reader, how low down you really are. Saying that you need to "pay tribute to the glory of the iPhone" just makes me wonder... What is so special about Apple that someone would come up with this BS and write it on the internet for everyone to read? Its not like Mr. Steve does anything great with the money he earns from you and your other generation internet kids. He makes computers, MP3 players and a phone...
And yet another thing you got wrong: if you were to travel to companies like Japan you would see that your phone is just an average little toy. There is nothing special about it. Or if you take a look at eg the N95 from Nokia, has 3G, has GPS, has 3rd party software, has a great OS, has WiFi, etc..
Let me finish by posting a quote which fits great to all this crap:
"I'm just tired of the iPhone fanboys shooting huge sticky wads and high-fiving each other (literally) over their stupid cellphones." (Maddox)
this has to be the dumbest fan boy piece of tripe i have ever read. yes, i waited in line, and yes i understand that many people had these questions, which are all valid and deserve real answers...
hmmm.... either you are the biggest dumbass or incredibly gifted in sarcasm and satire. i mean, i want to /facepalm at your insanity of "Father Jobs" and "Apple Trinity" or give you a high five for stickin it to the apple fan boys. im not an anti-apple-go-microsoft guy, but what you are saying is just down right coma-inducing.
I like the design of your site. That's probably all I would like that is related to you. If I saw you out with your iphone, I would spill my natty-light on it. From my pc to your crap mac, go screw. Enjoy your new 3g enabled phone. I have been enjoying 3g on my windows mobile ppc for what seems like a long while now.
Just like the iPod, the Apple will come out with a new, even better one in a year.
You forgot another popular question:
Don't you have anything better to do?
But then again I'm sure you'll find something clever to write as an answer to the question above, fully rationalizing your gullible attempts at giving meaning to your otherwise meaningless existence by waiting in line for a hand held device.
Cheers!
kill yourself
umm not to be rude but the apps are for all iphones and even the lowly touch
nice
While I waited in line I heard a passerby saying all to loudly, "it's pathetic!" Repeated when she didn't get a reaction (read: attention). I felt embarassed for her the way you feel embarassed for someone when they think the have been funny but no one laughs. I have the same feeling after reading the above.
Elite? Overpriced and cannot compete with Windows Mobile functionality. And I'm a Linux fanboy so don't think I'm batting for Microsoft.
Elite? The 3g iphone is overhyped. A Windows mobile device can do alot more than the iphone in just about every capacity. Nothing more than eye candy ( because I admit it does look sweet.) And no, I'm not a Microsoft fanboy. I just think the iphone is way over-rated.
"and dozens of brand new applications that do all types of crazy intelligent stuff you probably never heard of."
the original iPhone does the apps too.
People want iPhone. AT&T wants contract and activation in store. Hence slow and long lines
iWhat? who care its a damn phone.
""It is the most advanced handheld device ever known to humanity and probably the universe.""
...so advanced that when u receive images from inferior "devices" you have to memorize a ridiculous code (because the "device" is so advance copy and paste is for idiots) and enter it into a site to then finally view the image sent by inferior devices more primitive people use.
Also, you forgot to mention that "real GPS" is what has replaced traditional GPS....the difference?..."real GPS" is using cell(sorry for the primitive language) towers to give a position rather than...well, forget it.
Sincerely,
insomnia/boredom
I can't tell if this is serious...
I'd say I hope it's not, but deep down inside it would make me feel much better about myself if it was
Love it lol!
ugh....I cant tell if your serious or not.
please die
omg...$2000 for two years of "iPhone" is iNsane.
Only a fool would wait in line to let Steve pick his pockets so stylishly.
Anyone forking this kind of cash either has benjamins to burn or is just a bit tripped up on themselves and their overinflated egos.
stupid iphone fools!
I like the last question/answer. Lol
WOW! dude, calm down, its an iphone, i mean it itsnt like those things never existed before, you got mormons in utah who have never seen the light of day and appleloytes in calafornia we only recognize something as technology if you put i infont of it.... ipoop, now go buy one
Why We Wait In Line for iPhone 3G and You Are Inferior
----------------------
Yep.. pretty much inferior when it comes to realise who is fool with no life..
You are just a deluded member of the Church of Steve.
Granted that I'm not like most technological consumers out there, I'm not terribly sold on Apple's UI paradigms or business decisions. The lack of true competitiveness with respect to other GSM providers and developer APIs is a huge turn-off for me. When I say true competitiveness, I do mean true as in without having to use third-party tools to unencumber the device. Not to forget, either, that my mobile application has to be certified by Apple itself. What an artificial and paternalistic stranglehold.
I hate to say it, but I'll be rather smug when Apple overtakes Microsoft's hegemony in the consumer market---only to have consumers eventually face a new, giant slug that has little incentive to innovate due to its domination. Its hubris will make it ripe for being tipped over. That's how capitalism works, folks. It's great stuff. Gotta thank Joseph Schumpeter for the endearing term creative destruction.
Where does this leave us?
Well, Google's Android may not be available on phones yet, but I'd be willing to bet that it'll shake up the playing field more than you'd expect, eventually blowing Apple aside or forcing it to innovate more drastically than it'd like.
- M.
Very funny, assuming it was meant tongue in cheek. Although if it was serious it would be the most extreme example of materialistic elitist sadness that I have ever read about on a blog. Unglue yourself from the line to buy that 90's technology phone and go volunteer for the homeless or send a donation to someone needy.
you sir, are a pompous a**hole. Just because someone doesn't know that the new iPhone just came our doesn't mean they're an ape. How many years of dungeons and dragons have you clocked in to call a phone what you have. Have common respect for a passerby and get a life.
Oh, this was sent from my iPhone 3G.
Have A fun life in purgatory yourself, no iPhones allowed
people can't understand it because it seems so dumb, and when you realize that 2 years from now you'll probably realize that it was kinda stupid to waste your time to wait in the line. It's also a bit embarassing, but getting caught in the moment people do crazy things.
consumerist dribble. read a book.
apple is so over rated....use linux like a real geek
LOL - nice article, i have been explicitly referring to it as the "jebusPhone" for the past few months now - i went to the church today and was blessed to have the jebusPhone fill the the digital void in my heart...
...i like the article, but the thing about the iphone 3g differing from the original by saying it has more applications....the original iphone recieved the same 2.0 app store update that the 3g had out of the box
clever
losers
103 Comments