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As a couples and family therapist for more than 25 years I have grown tired of listening to couples and family members not listen to each other. I find that when I try to mediate the he said/she said, zero sum game, childish (if not infantile) debates the best that is achieved is a temporary truce. More often it has felt like putting a temporary band aid on a hemorrhaging gaping wound.
It may be that I have grown weary of interceding between such people, or am demonstrating my countertransference (i.e. my negative reaction to them carrying over from my reaction to the hundreds of such couples I have seen in my career), or perhaps I have discovered what really kills and conversely helps relationships. I choose to believe the latter.
The 3 Relationship Killers:

The 3 Relationship Builders:
In my relationships, I totally agree with this article. For me, presumtuosness and selfishness are the biggest problems I've dealt with, and unselfishness really helps out in a relationship. These issues don't really come up until after the honeymoon period, so it's good to be ready and prevent them.
I loved the way you numbered all of them as '1'. I suffer from the 'Presumptuousness' syndrome, and I'm working on it. But thankfully, my spouse is very very understanding.
I also enjoyed how you numbered them in this blog, because it shows that they're all just as important to live by as the next. Believe it or not, mental weakness is my worst problem. My husband will do something that affects me negatively, but I never show it. But it really does break down the confidence that I have in myself, that eventually puts wear and tear on my relationship. It's something that I need to work on harder, and I'm going to start right now. All in all, this is was a really good blog. Very good, even.
"The greatest manifestation [of unselfishness or love, if you will] is selfless sacrifice." A great teacher once said something similar, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
Self sacrifice, to any degree, is humbling and through it's vulnerability and purity begs us to remember the universal desire for love and internal peace. The greatest love, I suggest, is that which was demonstrated over 2000 years ago when Jesus sacrificed His untainted divinity and joined His most prized creation here on earth. Fully human so that His physical sacrifice would fulfill the law, yet fully divine so that He could be pure and spotless, He came to set us free from the devastation in which we trapped ourselves. We were and are His beloved even when we were the ones whose unforgiving whips tore His flesh from His body and whose crown of thorns was meant for humiliation. He knew His sacrifice would be difficult, that's why He pleaded with the Father,“If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” (Matthew 26:39). Yet, He chose to continue on. In His last moments He pleaded with the Father to forgive us because we didn't realize what we were actually doing, and with His last breath He said, "It is finished," (John 19:30) meaning that the love and peace we so desperately long for was and is ours from that moment forward without any physical effort. All we have to do is accept and believe God's sacrifice and gift of Jesus' life.
A great teacher once said, "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."
You can disregard the repeated verse, but maybe we get angry when we see the answer to difficulties so clearly yet those around us who are going through the difficulties, who we are connected to if for no other reason then the fact that they're human too, are totally oblivious. So we share the solution and sometimes it gets disregarded. Sometimes we have to take a step back and wait for them to see The Answer for themselves. For those who read this comment and the one to which this responds to, I share with you The Answer and I really hope that you accept Him. Jesus, Jehovah Jireh
Disregard the repeated verse, but maybe we begin to feel anger because we see the answer to difficult situations so clearly yet those we see going through the difficulty, whom we are connected to if for no other reason then the fact that they're human beings, are completely oblivious. Regardless of what we say or do, in some situations we just have to step back and wait for them to see The Answer for themselves. For whoever reads this statement and the previous one, I share with you The Answer, and I really hope you accept Him.
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