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How to Use iPhone to Impress Women
When iPhone was first released, just having one was enough to draw attention and establish hipness with beautiful women. Remember when girls crowded around for a demonstration of the magical touchscreen or to watch YouTube videos in the palm of your hand?
Their eyes widened with childlike wonder as you described the beauty and elegance of iPhone and its utter superiority to every device known to man.
Sadly, those days are gone. In the past year iPhone has become common place. With the coming price drop to $200 any goober will be able to get one.
Yet the iPhone is still a powerful tool. Here are the best ways to unleash the seductive power of iPhone.
1. Unlock it
Nothing tempts a girl's wild side like a bad boy, and that's exactly what an unlocked iPhone says: I don't play by the rules, danger doesn't scare me, and I have crazy skills you can't even comprehend. Plus it gives you access to the 3rd party apps that are too cool for regular users.
Who cares if it can be done by any chump in 45 seconds. She doesn't know that. Bonus points for using the term "hacked" and alluding to the danger of an iPhone being "bricked".
2. All-Star Photo Album
So you just met a cute girl. How do you prove that you do amazing things all the time and have many cool friends? This is the ideal use-case for the All-Star photo album. Create a special album on your iPhone of all your most impressive pics: snow boarding in the Swiss Alps, you with your friends at the Radiohead concert, and pictures of you with other attractive women are all good candidates.
When you get her alone for a moment, say something like, "OMG you've gotta see this photo of me [insert cool thing here]" and proceed to go through the entire album, commenting about how great a time you had and how cool your friends are.
3. iPod Tunes Master
Dozens of targeted playlists in the palm of your hand. This needs no explanation. Create playlists to set different moods: chill, party-time, low key, and of course, romantic. To get the ultimate effect, invest in a set of portable speakers. When you bust out the tunes at the beach, park, etc. you will be the man. We highly recommend flipping through cover flow mode for maximum visual effect.
4. Contacts, the more the merrier
Make sure you have lots of contacts, because seriously, you are so freaking popular. To inflate your contacts count, import all of your email contacts into your address book and upload them to iPhone. She won't know that 2/3 of those people have never seen you in person.
Expert tip: Complain about searching your contacts list saying, "I can't stand looking for contacts on my iPhone -- it only lets you search by 1 letter. How am I supposed to sort through 300 Johns?" Note: This is the only acceptable circumstance to complain about iPhone.
5. Stocks
Women like men with money and ambition. Show her you're on the way to wealth by constantly checking your stocks. When you catch her trying to see what you're looking at, casually comment on your gains and losses, throwing around buzz words like "credit crisis", "oil bubble", and "consumer confidence". Assure her you will achieve superior returns by investing in commodities and precious metals that will be essential to the growth of developing nations.
6. Save the Day with Maps
Maps is the ultimate clutch iPhone feature. The best time to break it out is when you're with a group of people and need to find something in an unknown area -- pizza, hardware store, gas station, etc. As soon as the opportunity arises, execute a search in maps and lead the group to success. Even better if you can use iPhone to instantly call the place. By solving the problem and taking charge you'll establish yourself as a resourceful leader -- a quality highly regarded by women.
7. Look Smart with Safari
When an argument arises over a particular fact, look smarter than everyone else by finding the correct answer with Google. This is the only time you will wish to conceal iPhone use from females. It's great for settling disputes about the proper definition of a word or the location of obscure African nations.
In case it's not clear, using iPhone will make you look like a rich, smart, cultured, resourceful, exciting, and popular bad ass. We can't wait for 3G.
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you are an idiot who likes idiot women
believe there is somewhere and on someone where this actually will work. and it work perfectly, i can almost guarantee it
just give me an iphone and i will be impressed!
I agree that the iphone can be used to impress, but I dont really think a girl is going to like you because you showed her stocks on your phone.
This makes me so sad. To think that any woman could be wooed with a piece of technology that will be obsolete in as many months as its been in existence is just disturbing. I sure hope you are wrong or that the women you are dating are desperate or something. If not, it is a sad state of affairs.
This is the most asinine blog I've ever read. Who needs a cell phone to impress a girl? If that's all it takes to impress a girl, I'm wondering what kind of women you're into in the first place. My advice to you is... LIFT THE BAR. I feel like you're putting girls down, by such a crazy blog. It's pointless and lousy. You definately need to re-evaluate yourself, as well as your women skills.
It's funny that none of what's on that list is that impressive for women. These days, I think women all expect all that from the iPhone. This is coming from a person who really likes the iPhone and all its apps, but it'll take mre to really impress me.
These comments are bizarre. I thought the article was pretty funny.
WHAT A LOOSER... DUDE!
very funny stuff
Seven iPhone Disappointments
http://www.forbes.com/technology/2008/06/20/iphone-disappointment-featur...
Seven iPhone Disappointments
http://www.forbes.com/technology/2008/06/20/iphone-disappointment-featur...
i know the guy who wrote this. it's not a joke. he's serious and yes he is WAY LAME.
stupid and wasting of timee..
n u know nothing about women ..
ur a f**kin monkey bi**h
just being polite :P
it's called sarcasm people. log off and read a book sometime.
dude, the funniest thing about a lot of these comments is that they didn't realise this is a joke. Bloody hell, people, do you have autism? You were supposed to laugh when you read this, not take it seriously! :)
So Lame. How about getting a personality?
"How to impress women with your iPhone; step 1, unlock it."
What next, install Linux on it? Oh, they'll so go for that. They'll be practically undressing in front of you once they see that cute penguin. Oh yes.
this is so fucking weak... if you need an iphone to look cool... kill yourself.
OR....Buy a BlackBerry!!!
Lol, your gay
LOL this is hilarious!
half the people here don't understand that this is supposed to be humor. get a life, all those of you who posted crappy comments
Who the hell wrote this? Lamda lamda lamda geekPi... What a sad ass list.
Man come on, get a real life.
i've just lost 5 minutes of mine...
Lame and Idiotic article, this is like a comedy skit gone too stupid. Get a Life!
Oh man, this is totally awesome! I'm definitely going to try this on the next hot girl I see! Omg, I'm going to get laaaaaaiiddddddd tonight!
Actually it's not that lame. The part about pictures works like a charm.
Without an iPhone humanity is doomed. How else would we ever get laid if apple didn't invent it? Answer that u haters!
lol dude, last time a girl was impressed by a weather forecast was in the 1960s
Lame
This sucks.
Seeing a guy with all of this would just make me think "Hur hur. Well isn't that guy a douchebag?"
The number of people who apparently came to this article expecting to learn how an iPhone was going to instantly pull them away from World of Warcraft and surround them with beautiful women is hilarious. This is humor folks.
Can anybody on the comment thread get irony? Lighten up people. Geez
lame
Just make sure you are not constantly using your iPhone to Twitter - thereby ignoring your date and/ or failing to notice that, yes, there are women in the room. iPhone Twitter addiction is probably the number # 1 reason geeks don't get laid.
This should be titled "How to be a douche". Inflating your contacts count to be cool? Come on.
I jumped in the pool with my iphone in my pocket.
Are you serious? iPhones are cool, but showing one off like this makes you look more like a geeky loser than a "rich, smart, cultured, resourceful, exciting, and popular bad ass". Besides, you said it yourself, you don't have to be anything special to own and iPhone anymore. Plus, there are way better alternatives *cough*HTC Touch or N95*Cough*
you sir, have never seen a vagina.
iTarded
this guide will help me get me laid like a bajillion times
You grossly over estimate the intelligence of the average women who would be impressed by an iPhone. She's not capable of putting things together, she'll see you have lots of contacts and think "He has lots of contacts, I LIKE PUPPIES!"
put it in your pants and show off your bulk
Indeed. lame..
this stuff is hilarious!
Haha! These idea will surely encourage people to get the iphone more, even try freebie sites like this http://free-iphone-apple.blogspot.com/
How Gay just get a damn Black Berry and use Ubuntu screw windows screw apple just use open source and quit trying to be somthing your not for god sake.
104 Comments