Sweeping statements have no place here. This I know. It’s not “all women have psycho tendencies” and “all men are commitment phobic”, so it stands to reason that “all couples therapy” cannot be “crap”. Some can. Just like some women can be crazy and some men can be immature.

  Anyone buying this?

  Needing a mediator in your relationship is not a new idea. It just used to be—and more often than not should be—someone with an “–in-law” attached to their role in your lives, or a trusted friend. Someone doing it professionally reeks of New Ageism and fad, but it is not only a reality, it is the stuff of nationally syndicated radio and television shows. Yes, business is booming.

  If the matter that is driving a wedge through your relationship is a private one, something a person who is often at your dinner table maybe shouldn’t know, then seeking outside assistance can be a viable alternative.    

  But, that said, paying someone to walk both you and your significant other through a long overdue conversation can be akin to taking your car through the car wash downtown; you can wash it yourself, but laziness prevails and sometimes it’s just easier to have someone else do it.

  Still, a woman complaining that she does everything—including picking his clothes out for a party—getting traced back to his relationship with his mother, or a man who criticizes his wife or girlfriend’s cooking getting traced back to a critical father is like doing the puzzle on the Sunday funnies page. Not exactly difficult, but clearly some folks need it. To them I say “good luck and see ya on Springer”.

  Even in the laughably titled “Short-Term Couples Therapy” by Wade Luquet the text gives the power back to the couple: “(This book aims to) makes couples less dependent on the therapist and more aware of their available support systems; that is, themselves.”  

  Loosely translated, “Couples therapy is a hoax, and you can do this crap yourselves.” Okay, maybe not so extreme, and the therapist and/or author who is determined to show the troubled couple how to solve their own problems is the right one to go to.

  After a bit of research, wherein I culled from many websites and texts, I now list the top reasons for arguments in the first place, which should surprise no one. They are in no particular order.

1.)    Money   

2.)    Suspicion of Infidelity

3.)    Children  

4.)    Troublesome Friend or Family Member  

5.)    Alcohol or other controlled substance

  Now, to need someone to assist you in determining which of these is causing the rift in your relationship is really no different than someone telling you there is a huge pimple on your nose. But, maybe therein lies the problem: You haven’t looked in a mirror, i.e. inward; you haven’t been reflective at all.

  A good therapist will show you how to, and how to help your significant other to as well.

  Before I got married a friend suggested couples therapy as a good springboard to married life, a place not only to potentially iron out any lingering differences but also, perhaps, to celebrate what’s healthy and working in the relationship. Our “therapist” was a recovering alcoholic whose desk and walls were covered with framed photos of her and her three dogs. When one of the dogs had to be put down she turned to us for comfort and inferred she might take her own life, to join “Thor” in the Great Beyond.

  We had planned three sessions, but her call to my house, i.e. the Suicide Hotline, eclipsed our third and final visit. Midway through the second visit she had us duking it out over whose father was worse and had begun suggesting going our separate ways. We went into this to strengthen our relationship!

  Needless to say, she is somewhere today either tearing other couples apart or asking the age-old question, “Paper or plastic?” I just hope that if it’s the latter it’s not at a package or pet store.