This is a great post. I've found that anger is a pretty tricky emotion for guys. The "good" guys out there are guys who don't show their anger all that much, especially in front of women. The jerks are the guys who DO let their anger out. Doesn't really make sense when you think about it... If a guy doesn't show their anger outwardly, it surfaces in other ways that can make a "good" guy a lot less reliable.

Women seem to live by a different code. Women who show their anger are passionate (aka "crazy", but that's generally still considered attractive by most guys). Women who don't show their anger often are considered boring. Tells you a lot about the person who's interpreting the behavior...

Testosterone is both a blessing and a curse isn't it?

Very nice job of summing up the male condition, and the dilemma we all deal with. Its great to be a guy, it sucks to be a guy. They are both true, and we have some unique challenges.

I inherited an anger issue similar to yours. It manifested itself early in my teens and left some damage in my wake. Too much damage, and the guilt over those issues forced me to deal with it earlier in life than some of my peers.

I wouldn't suggest that I had all the answers on this one, all of your ideas about dealing with it are valid and good. I also find that I can sometimes become, not sure how to describe it, perhaps emotionally transparent? I let myself feel the anger in a way that engulfs my whole being and I picture myself as something of a wind vane. I let it flow into, through, and ultimately out of me. It takes a moment or two of concentration, and when done I feel back in control. I'm still angry, just not snapping heads off everyone I talk to, and able to return to a more reasonable perspective.

I find that when I am feeling that kind of anger, there is usually a tremendous opportunity or life lesson coming right behind it. Its up to me to deal with the anger so I can get to the reward (and not miss it altogether).

Good blog Sheamus.

Seamus, well done. It's difficult for most men to talk about any emotions, and especially the ugly emotions like anger. Many men have been conditioned to believe that there is something wrong with emotions like anger, and so they haven't really had the opportunity to learn how to deal with it. This is something I've had to contend with, and I can't say I get it right all the time.

There has been quite a lot written recently about the issues women face when they are pressured to conform to our society's expectations about "body image". I think there might be a parallel issue here for men. Namely, social pressure for a man to behave a certain way when it comes to emotions. Men are expected to behave within a very narrowly restrained range of emotions. Sometimes these emotions get repressed and then they come out in other unexpected and less manageable ways.

With anger, there is frequently some element of shame involved. Shame when things go wrong, or shame when there is a perceived insult, or shame about a loss of control. These feel like a direct assault on an individual's identity...and the way the ego repairs and defends itself is to get inflamed and outraged. Result: anger.

Here's one thing to consider: is it worth getting angry about? Will anger solve anything?

Sometimes anger is a legitimate response to an outrageous event. In this case, anger might provide the emotional fuel to propel you to take some action that will help you change course or make things better. So anger can be a powerful motivator in a positive way. Examples include athletes who bounce back from a loss to play better, or entrepreneurs who recover from a setback to achieve greater success.

But sometimes we get angry about external events that we just can't do anything about. Traffic. Weather. Airline delays. People who are loud on cell phones in restaurants. People who cut in front of us in a queue. In these cases, anger won't achieve a great deal... and this is where your zen approach comes in handy. Otherwise your anger will deepen your frustration and it may generate stress for yourself and others.

The description of the experience in "crisis" is very telling, and Zen indeed. It is, as stated, choiceless awareness, complete attention, absent judgmental or comparative thinking or pressure of any kind. Action is immediate, without "right" or "wrong" considerations or decisions; no "control" of any kind. When not in crisis, we tend to go into a state of being "automatic pilot", guided only by, and mentally attaching to the thinking/feeling trains of our conditioned mind, moving from the collection of past hurts and pleasures we call Self, into the present, and then projecting psychologically into the future, where triumph or disaster is anticipated. For most of us, the multi-generational conditioning, or false education by corrupt human cultures and societies elevating the intellectual mind, precludes emotional intelligence and awareness of the total Self now, as in happening in "crisis". While this may not be "transferred", it is possible, even in our society of ruthless efficiency, to radically slow down, and be fully aware of the movement and structure of our conditioned mind, during which it effortlessly withers away, exposing the immenseness of what there is, and what is there now. For assistance, short daily readings from "The Book of Life" by J.Krishnamurti, available as a free download ibook for all OS at a Sourceforge project, will be helpful in awareness pointing.

ANGER IS ENERGY !

INSTEAD OF KICKING AN OBJECT
CLEAN UP GARAGE !

Anger is something that you cannot control. After promising myself several times that i won't be angry for small stuff i still find myself in the situation that i'm yelling, kicking etc.
It's like this: I realize i'm very very angry after i let ouot my steams. In the middle of screaming etc.
It's bad mate it's very bad. And the guilt afterward is burden.

okay, what about this? I talked to my daughter last night who was feeling really frustrated about her living situation. As she was talking, she said,
"That's gross! you are sitting there making out while she watches! That is so stupid."

I was about 800 miles away or I would have taken the three " offenders"
and thrown them out.

Some people don't get upset about stuff like this, but you see there is a really bad history of drugs and sexual misconduct in the three peoples lives that were doing that while my daughter had to be on the other side of the the wall with no way to control the situation.
because if she really stands up for herself she will get verbally beaten down and called well every name in the book.
Why get so angry,,,!!!
it is because some people have values and morals and actually are respectful
of one an other while others do whatever they want to without regard to
anyone else.
I still am furious adn have told my daughter to make plans to move out of htat situation.

the only thing is it is her sister she lives iwth that is doing these things without regard.

I am sick of being angry and feeling out of control adn feeling upset cuz I
think people need to be respectful of one another's feelings instead of doing whatever they want wherever they want to do it.
and I don't know what to do with the anger I feel.

WEll, let me tell you that felt better after writing down how angry I was.
but in the middel of the night when we feel out of control
Anger is hard to write down...
I think anger is energy that needs to be expelled. and one way is to write it down.
that way when you can't do anything and you feel helpless at least you can write.

I hope you all will respect my feelings about morals and values.
There seems to be none now adays and that confuses alot of peopel who can do whatever they want without regard to peoples feelings who have other
ways of life.

Great sense of humor and great article! Wish I had some good advice, but yea, I'm not so great at that. Maybe you should take up killing-for-hire? Great for aggression I've heard.

This is a great blog for anyone. Some of us really try to not get angry at all which is unhealthy. Some cannot control their anger and just blow up on people. There definitely should be a happy medium. I am like the first type... I almost never show my anger. I think I've learned to deal with it in a different way, but I'm not saying this is a healthy way. I think it's healthier to be balanced. All in all, I definitely agree with your blog.

Are you aware that irrational anger is one of the major signs of depression in men? Have you ever considered that you may be depressed and not even realize it? The reason I am asking this, as you sound like me about 3 years ago. I was always angry, my partner was walking on egg shells around me, and I was really unhappy with how I was dealing with the stresses of my life. I went to the doctor for a routine exam and brought this up to her. She prescribed me antidepressants and I no longer have this anger in my life. Just a suggestion!