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5 Tips to Handle a Woman When She Gets Irrational and Emotional
I’ve dodged bottles of Pepsi. (Cherry Vanilla Pepsi, to be exact.) Bobbed and weaved before long, fake fingernails the size of a jaguar’s. Lo mein shrapnel has lodged in my ear en route to the wall. Voice shrieking, some infraction having occurred, the neighbors waking.
Now, I know what you’re thinking: What’s the common denominator here? Him. He’s clearly the type of guy who not only brings about this kind of behavior, but no doubt deserves it.
Um...okay...that’s not really the point of this blog, though.
The point —in case you misunderstood the title—is how to handle a woman who is at the throwing point, whether driven there by you or because her wick is as short as your attention span when she tells you about her pottery class.
Nobody wants arguments to plague their relationship. Good ole’ Dr. Phil not only acknowledges their inevitability, but lists suggestions on how to navigate them successfully. For example, have a time limit, allow your partner to retreat from an outburst and then resume the argument with dignity, and, most important, keep the arguments both relevant and real.
Some people go to their grave denying they ever had any, but they are a necessary evil in the evolution of the coupling process. Dr. Phil states, “Disagreements are going to occur and they can help the relationship to grow.” If handled with restraint and a keen eye toward a better future, arguments can be healthy, so you’d best to learn how to get through them with minimal bloodshed.
I’ve tried the following techniques through my dating years and marriage with varying success:
1.) Apologize. Maybe you genuinely owe her one. Maybe what she’s angry about technically doesn’t have anything to do with you – it doesn’t matter. Apologize. It’s a great solution, albeit a temporary one, akin to resetting the clock on a time bomb. It’s still going to go off.
2.) Make It about You. When people refer to those “three little words” in relationships, they might actually be referring to “what about me,” rather than “I love you.” For example, “Do you know how it makes me feel to know you’re so unhappy? It makes me feel awful!” This is a classic turn-the-tables phrase that can succeed in stalling a woman’s escalating emotional state, might result in her apologizing to you and win you a “back scratch” to boot.
3.) Call in a Big Gun. Sister, friend, or even Mom...they’re just a speed dial away. Use them like you would the police: Sometimes just the threat that you’ll place the call is enough to sooth the savage beast. On a personal note, my wife once called my older sister to, and I quote, “glean some advice on what to do with me.” The embarrassment of the call alone made me retreat.
4.) Listen. Don’t just listen, but also tell her that’s exactly what you’re going to do. In other words, don’t just sit there and vacantly stare at her. Say the words, “I’m listening,” and then repeat back what you think you heard. This is what shrinks call “reflective listening.” An ex-girlfriend who was the very definition of volatile used to melt when I’d say “I hear you”, yet another example of three great words, and for the stoic stud a fantastic alternative to “I love you”.
5.) Call Her a Psycho. Obviously, name-calling is completely childish and inappropriate. It can also be a successful last resort. There are times when a woman will accept being called a nag and even accept that she’s been being a bitch, but no woman ever wants the psycho card dealt. Mostly because they’ve been wondering their entire life if that’s exactly what they are, just like we men are constantly worrying if we’re losers.
Sure, maybe #4 is the best route, never mind the most adult and appropriate, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. After all, the only two words that can travel around a neighborhood quicker than “adulterous affair” are “domestic dispute”.
For a different perspective on PeopleJam:
How to Deal with Angry Women and Maintain Your Dignity
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Awesome list. Can you write one about men who throw things? (Because they make me laugh!) Seriously though, there's some good advice here.
I find not getting highly emotional does a lot to defuse the situation. If you have been a cad and deserve her ire, then sometimes distance is the only solution. Giving anyone time to cool down lets them come to a point where they are ready to hear an apology or the like. Certainly listening and stating your opinion are helpful if you can openly discuss the issue. Generally though if you find a person frequently escalating a situation or the neighbors are hearing/getting involved you NEED to end it. In any sort of domestic dispute you, as the man will be presumed at fault. Even if nothing physically has transpired, the allegation alone will put you in the big house and earn you a restraining order. Then you'll really be up a creek. Don't go there, just get the hell out and find one who isn't a psycho.
I'm a woman, and it was so much fun reading this... But ya, all these definitely work. I'm so sure because I'm a 'throwing' woman too... I remember, I once threw a compass like a dart at my brother. :P
This was a very good post, filled with both humor and very valid points. I'm not the throwing type (I'm more likely to retreat and shut down), but the rationale here would work on me, too (especially the LISTENING part). It sounds like you're pretty sensitive and have lots of smarts in the relationship area! Keep on blogging!
This was really funny. I love "calling in the big guns!" haha!
This is great. It's also helpful for guys to remember us women have these crazy hormonal issues going on ...every month...at the least. PMS is something that is a fact. We dont' have to beat ourselves up over it, but it sure helps if a guy doesn't get offended when his girl is suddenly acting like a psycho.
This is an interesting post. Do I agree with everything? NO! I think that it's not a good idea to get people involved in a couple's problem. Men hate it when women do it so guess what guys it's annoying when you do it too. Also calling someone a psycho is harsh she might just end up turning into a real psycho and then you'll be sorry.
I Love It! I think every man in the world should have a copy of this in their back pocket. It would make things so much easier for all of us. Most of my arguments with my boyfriend stem from him getting mad about the fact that I'm mad and by the end of the argument we both are mad and nothing is solved. I am defiantly keeping a copy of this for him.
I find it interesting how there is ALWAYS an expectation for the male in relationships to alter HIS behaviour. It you have a PARTNER (look it up in the dictionary) it is wholly appropriate that there should be an expectation that females moderate their behaviour too. If you deconstruct the above article, it has an underlying message that is "females can't help the way they are". Strange how my wife when suffering from PMS is hostile towards anything that I do, yet can function at work without being fired. Strangely she can be more pleasant to work colleagues or strangers than she can towards her own husband when suffering from PMS. I find the whole scapegoat of PMS a huge convenience for behaving in an unacceptable manner. How about this? Try self-control with your significant other, stop behaving like a spoilt child and grow up.
Amen!
I totally agree with you. Its always so unfair for the man. Men have rights to their feelings too and are as HUMAN as a woman. There is no reason why a man should always bear the brunt of PMS. What if a man has a bad day at work and use that as an excuse to start throwing things and yelling at his wife. Will that be appreciated or excused?? I don't think so
Funny article but it doesn't do much for the guy that is always apologizing when the partner is emotional and irrational. All that creates is resentment which is poison to any relationship. I understand the need from compromise and forgiveness, but a free pass to act like a child isn't proper.
Double AMEN! I could not have said it better myself. It seems like everywhere I go, internet or otherwise, the advice for dealing with an irrational man is to call the police, get him arrested for domestic violence (whether it occurred or not), get a restraining order, get a divorce, and squeeze every dime out of the sorry bastard... followed up by a "You Go Girl" calvalcade on social media websites and perhaps a guest spot on Oprah or Dr. Phil. YET... this is the advice for dealing with an irrational woman? Apologize? Listen? Identify with? This should go both ways yet it doesn't, which is the greatest travesty of the 21st century and why the divorce rate is sky high.
My wife, just as all of us are, is a product of her environment. Only thing is, her environment has been emotionally, mentally and physically abusive until around the time that we met. I am (as far as I know) a normal person and I try to be normal, but I can't if I want to continue to be with her. There's really nothing I can do about it except to try and deal with her irrational outbursts. I never know when its going to happen and that keeps me on edge 24/7. We have great times together and then....BOOM! Off to the races! How in the world can you sum up this kind of thing in just 5 easy steps? I don't think so!
I loved the #2, it does turns tables. but, i wish my girl was bit less emotional :(
I don't think you're going to be very successful trying to "defuse that bomb" very often & the best thing to do is delay until she has cooled off. Then maybe some of these ideas would work in certain situations, and you should be able to tell right away if she's going to be reasonable. But I've tried everything from being understanding to being a jerk & I would say DO NOT APOLOGIZE, that is a slippery slope my brothers! Personally I like the idea of calling her a psycho. If she really is one you'll find out PDQ & won't waste time playing games. If not, she is probably cool & you'll be able to work things out.
Valid points but I have learned rationalism is mainly based on emotion
, nothing to do with intelligence, just based on the past that you and the person
has had and it clouds the woman's judgement and common sense to just
be RATIONAL
Every man should know this:...
Thank you for such a great note but i already use these implicitly...
Although point 5 and 4 will MOST PROBABLY get you in trouble in case she Needs something...or wants to buy something...
Another thing you would like to add to the list which i think is a complete "BOMB DESTROYER" is..
wait for it...
1) IMPORTANCE.... make your wife/gf feel that she is important... when she is ABOUT to argue...and we all know when...:).. turn your body towards her... leave the tv or pc or whatever... sit in front of her... make eye to eye contact... and then tell her to start over the discussion again... cause now she has you attention...
Even though you don't give a crap what she wants/wines about which probably we don't.... Most guys don't really get the point that girls are more COMPROMISING/UNDERSTANDING if they know the real situation...they just....FEEL REALLY RELIEVED when they wine about it and you listen...let her speak her heart out... DONT interrupt...DONT give solutions(FORCEFUL HABIT)... when you feel she has cooled down... now start speaking... DEDUCTIVE reasoning is of NO USE against girls...hence use the same lingua france / gestures and sounds that she makes to emphasize your point... (THAT WILL MAKE HER FEEL HOW CHILDISH HER ARGUMENT IS or at least her way of expressing it)... and then tell her that you will do whatever is in your power to make it better...(AGAIN stay generic, no solutions offered... point is to give her hope)... when all that anger is out of the way... you can make her dance HOWEVER you like,,,,
P.S: note her gestures and selection of words when she is REALLY REALLY ANGRY !! and explaining her point... cause you have to use them to reason with her...Plus, you won't get bored in the discussion...its kind of funny :p...
Thanks for that post. I happen to be in the middle of a day- long fight... The hard part for me is remembering this stuff in the heat of the moment. Thanks for the reminders and wish me luck.
plus...calling anyone a psycho..even if they are or not won't help the cause in anyways... why bother pointing out things that might fuel the fire...POINTLESS in my opinion...
This list is bullshit!
I did read full but in one line I came to now how to handle
Regards
Vinay raj
Number 1 is aplogize? Assuming the man is immediately at fault no matter what condones her irrational behavior and makes it acceptable, which is isnt. And i dont know about the author of this article but im a guy and i dont wonder if im a loser everyday. Call me a male shovanist pig but cmon bud grow a pair. Women want to b challenged, they r independent HUMANS, who in turn will take advantage of your complacency in being a doormat. Obviously handle the arguments like adults, but this expectation that all men in this country have to b hyper sensitive...i think can be more destructive than beneficial. Take the constructive criticism mr author, and maybe some T-Gen.
If this is occurring on a regular basis, drop her like a stone & take the kids with you. Too many mentally ill women are walking around destroying their relationships, spouses & children. Borderline (Psychotic) Personality Disorder is not treatable & gets worse. About 42% of women (as opposed to 29% of men) have diagnosable mental illness. Crackers, Nutz, Crazies, Lunatics.. this is their kind & always has been.
Hormones, PMS, MenoPause... sorry ladies, YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOUR ACTIONS. No one is entitled to victimize those around them. No guy deserves to have his life wasted in a relationship with a psycho. Call a spade a spade & dump the crazies. Teach your sons the truth, the facts.
As far as the feminist backlash, I would direct you towards the Canadian Institute of Mental Health, the equivalent American National Mental Health Associations. Male & female medical studies (peer reviewed hard science). Look up BiPolar, Menopause, Women's Psychosis, Borderline Personality.. it is all there. Men did not make you a lunatic, molecular bonds in deoxyribonucleic acid do not re sequence after conception, they are not influenced by "feeeeeelings". Over 40% of women are BORN insane & should be avoided like the plague.
women get mentally upset because of men like u who dont care. If only u ppl show then lil concern and care they would do anything for u women.t for that u guys really need to be matured which i dont find in u Mr. So stop putting kerosene in fire. If u cant help someone with a resolution do not try to give tips on how to break relationships. Plz. Shame on ppl like u who think like this about women.
absolutely true. Women are fragile. Handle them with care. Thats all i can say ppl. Do not insult them by calling them psycho.
Kaneez
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. . . . <----- read that book and then you'll understand both sides of the human coin.
I think women have a sense of what's going on in a man's mind. Nearly every time the lady in my life has become irrational I can link it to me having thoughts or friendly interactions with another woman (a former fiance' for example)... phone calls, text messages, hugs in public, that could be in some way considered a threat to our relationship. Sometimes I admitted those interactions prior to her outburst, many times I had not told her anything about it, yet she seemed to know. I think women are exceptionally good at sensing my thoughts. I don't think this justifies irrational behavior, I just think it's an interesting observation regarding what might "trigger" an outburst. When I am thinking blissfully about being with my woman, I notice fewer or less violent outbursts. My biggest challenge at the moment is that the lady in my life is 15 years older than my former fiance', yet is more aware of many topics, and is more fit, quite articulate, an excellent dancer, and essentially as beautiful.
The woman you are describing is a nightmare. Ive been with those like that, and not all women are like that. Those like that are psycho bitches who really deserve to die and almost completely products of modern society. They've learned they can get away with antisocial behavior like this and society will make excuses for them. There are only two options for dealing with a psycho bitch like that: Beat the shit out of her, if you can get away with it or get the hell away from her. Chances are you can't get away with cleaning her clock like she deserves, because we live in a society of duality that has elevated women as equals, while at the same time giving them special privileges under the law, and societal norms that still portray them as vulnerable, even though the numbers of domestic violence initiated by women against men has been on the rise for a long time. So, the best option is to simply leave their crazy ass and in no uncertain words tell her exactly the reason you are leaving is that she is a stupid, spoiled, psycho bitch.
I am in a divorce process with one such "psycho". Moody, could never make her happy, cold shoulder, hot temper. I was sole provider. I have been punched, clawed, kicked, pushed. Not to mention - she was a repeated liar and a cheater. She is a narcissist - thin skinned, yet cruel. Infallible - nothing ever her fault. I endured many years of this. My fault, I know now - and I thank God she wants a divorce. I feel such a burden taken off my shoulders and feel as though a cancer is being removed from my heart. I must have been a wimp, right? Actually, no. I am a very masculine, strong man who walked on egg-shells for the sake of the marriage (I did take vows), the kids, etc.
But I am done with "Keeping up with the real desperate housewives of (name your town) shore". I am getting my balls back. And you know what makes her crazier than ever?- the fact that I have accepted the end of our marriage and I look forward to no longer being her scapegoat, co-dependent, etc.
There must be sane, reasonable, affectionate, warm women out there.
From personal experience with women, I have learned by calling them a hurtful name, shuts down their listening abilities and triggers a hell come to Earth and in all respects if you thought she was lashing out before you have not faced the She-Demon that will spawn after you call her a name, especially if the name is a childhood name that hurt her image. Cunt and dirty bitch I would say would be the top two for a woman to have complete authority to say and do whatever her death rampage leaves in her wake with innocence. Guys, don't be a punching bag for your girl. There is a difference between a punching bag and supportive. Don't tolerate tantrums and take "the things you don't do" that she will bring up to heart. Rather, remember who you are in the relationship, and take the position of someone trying to help than someone also putting gloves on to duke it out. Most guys can fight well physically, but I regret to tell you that women can fight in arguments better, even if the woman isn't all that smart, she can still outwit the smartest guy because basically she has the goods a guy wants and most women can get laid very fast without you!
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