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Men and Women: The Real Problem and It's Not What You Think
There's an ever rising population of aggro men in this country and women have no one to blame but themselves. Men are hurt, angry and confused- even if they're unaware- and with good reason.
"Men aren't good at expressing emotions." "Men only talk about sports." "Men need to be more sensitive." We've all heard these platitudes and they're grade-A bullshit.
1) Men have emotions. However, most of them express and handle them differently than women and there's nothing wrong with that. When I hear, "men need to be more sensitive," my translation is, "men need to be more like women." Bad idea.
As a collective group, women have told men that makes them inadequate and they should feel bad about it. If women want to be with men who can talk about their feelings like their best girlfriend, then why don’t they just get together with their girlfriend?
2) Most women don't want men to cry. They don't want them to be unfeeling robots, but they want them to be men. Strong. Reliable.
Men are better at taking action and mechanical things. Women are more comfortable in the realm of verbal expression. It's not bad or good; it's just different.
However, society doesn't tell women, "Hey, instead of blathering about your feelings/problems all day, why don't you get off your ass and do something about them." I don't walk around saying, "I don't know how to fix a car," like I'm an abnormal defective. Try to accept and embrace the differences. Why swim upstream?
3) The world would not necessarily be a better place if women were in charge. Anyone that attended all-girls' schools knows what I'm talking about. Most women are just as vicious as your average guy. However, they're usually more subtle about it. At least with most men, you see them coming at you first.
Thirty years ago, something very interesting happened to the field of Psychology; it became "feminized." Women began to enter the field in droves in the late 1970s. Today, women greatly outnumber male mental health professionals, and let’s face it, the men who enter the field may as well have a uterus, that's how sensitive they are.
The mid to late 1980s is when the “men need to be more sensitive/get in touch with their feelings” movement began. This is the same time that women mental health “experts” began to surface in pop culture and let's not forget OPRAH.
The feminized culture has taken a once proud creature like a stalwart bull mastiff, and turned it into an angry, confused Pekingese. It’s sad. I used to man bash with the best of them in my 20s until I realized what's going on.
Here's what I learned: It's a lot easier to appreciate and desire men in all their glories and faults, then to try to make them become "like us." It makes relationships easier. It makes work easier. It makes it easier to forgive. Let's face it, ladies, we're no picnic either.
In fact, here's where I sympathize with men. If I had to date women, I'd end up smothering most of them with a pillow in their sleep.
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Wow
Amen
Nice photos. They add a different perspective.
I think there was a point in the past when men needed some bashing. We needed to realize that the totalitarian methods so accepted when we were protectors and hunters were simply no longer applicable.
While we still protect (some of us) the need for that protection has diminished and we are simply fulfilling our genetic responsibility now. In other words, we are fulfilling our own needs by living up to this mark. Being true to our nature is part of being a man and we should not expect Women to be willing to endure servitude to get it. That someone owes us something for it is BS (sorry), the desire to do so is the mark of a man and a genetic bias we possess.
We hunt now by going to work and providing for our families. But so do our wives and partners. Are we better because statistically we make a little more money? I would suggest that is a consequence of history and not attributable to any unique quality of men. So, we don't deserve any kudo's for that either. We are doing what brings us satisfaction by providing for our families in a fashion commensurate with our abilities.
We don't possess the emotional range that women do. We are in fact a little shallow there. I envy women on this one, there are times when I wish I could just let it all out. What a cleansing experience that must be. But we don't. We were taught not to, and we respect our fathers who taught us not to. It also makes us feel vulnerable. Not a good thing for the male ego.
The idea of men getting in touch with their feelings is almost laughable. We tried it, it didn't work for us, we moved on. Don't make the mistake of thinking we don't have them. Feelings crush us in ways women would rarely understand. We internalize them and they can destroy us (literally). Remember, we don't like to cry - so what the hell are we supposed to do with them? We try to ignore them, think of something else and move on. Its the only thing we know.
I can assure you there are many many stalwart bulls remaining. Unfortunately, they are not a part of pop culture anymore. But they are there. And the ironic part is... We absolutely love women. What did God infest us with :) ?? We can't live without you.
Just my $.002 Tara. I guess you hit a nerve. Thanks for our gender's fifteen minutes of recognition.
I'm okay with being a little shallow. I just like looking at pictures of girls kissing. That gets my rocks off.
Thinking with your rocks may lead to serious unintended consequences.
I suspect you already know that by now.
But at least you you don't hide behind a pretense of intellectualism. Unfortunate that you instead seem to hold that up as a badge, but that is your choice to make.
Does your mom know you are on the computer?
I think you missed the point. She was very much pushing the same thoughts and ideals you mentioned in your own post. Read it again, more carefully, and you will see that you both are on the same side.
Thanks for the reply.
I didn't miss anything. That was the point of my post.
Those are my thoughts on the same subjects.
I hear you, man. I've got my friends I golf with and go for beers with, and I talk to them about the big stuff. But its hard to talk about about the tiny stuff that builds up day after day, until I'm walking around with a lump in my throat.
Talking about the big stuff over beers or a round of golf is just as valid a way of handling things as dishing at the mommy play group.
As for the cumulative hurts, acknowledge them as they arise, if only to yourself.
Thank you for such thoughtful commentary, Gram. Your perspective adds a lot.
I agree. At one time, men needed a little "bashing." But somewhere along the way, the "bashing" turned into "bludgeoning" and gender relationships went to the other extreme.
True, many men don't have the same emotional outlets as women. Then again, much of the venting women engage in with their girlfriends amounts to nothing more than never-ending eruptions of verbal diarrhea that are continuously recycled with neither solution nor resolution. Typically, men don't discuss their emotions, but they're there and recognizable if you know what you're looking for. Most men shrug off the feelings and go straight to what they can do to solve the problem, while women get bogged down in the emotionality, rarely moving beyond it.
I don't know which is more unhealthy: a perpetual bitch fest in which girlfriends validate and feed into the BS or bottling it all up. Somewhere in the middle lies the best way.
Thanks again, Gram.
By the same token, women bearing children are simply fulfilling their genetic responsibility now. Being true to female nature is part of being a woman and women should also not expect men to be willing to endure servitude (financial or otherwise) to get it. That someone owes women something for it is BS(sorry), the desire to do so is the mark of a woman and a genetic bias women possess. Women are doing what brings *them* satisfaction by bearing children and becoming mothers.
This essay reads like a polemic against women. What is your issue with women? Are you really a woman, or are you just a gender-confused guy hiding behind a pretty photo?
It's not against women, you fool. It's pro-masculinity.
Besides, women are a pain the ass. They bitch and whine and demand attention. Remember Jack Nicholson in As Good As It Gets? Women are just like men, minus reason and accountability.
Ugh, you neandrathal
Don't forget, by the end of that movie, Jack Nicholson was putting on an apron and puttering around the kitchen like a ripe old fart. Talk about feminization.
I'd rather watch Michael Keaton play Batman. Or val Kilmer. Or George Clooney. Jack Nicholson is just too dang old. Was he always so damn self-congratulatory? Or was he previously a very good actor? I must have missed the announcement.
T
My favorite line from "As Good As It Gets" is "Good times. Noodle Salad."
As for the feminization of Nicholson's character at the film's end, maybe it was the psychopharmacological medication he was taking?
This is exactly what Tony Robbins said at his event in San Jose, Unleash the Power Within. He said that today's young men have been raised by the women who came of age during the Civil Rights Movement. These young men were feminized by their mothers at an early age. They were discouraged from making any kind of typical male behavior and instead were encouraged to be people pleasers who did whatever it took to please their mothers. oTherwise, the mothers withheld their approval.
So a whole generation of men today were raised as people pleasers who lack the masculine drive and willpower. And now, as adults, such men have emotional issues when it comes to dealing with conflict in adult relationships and getting their needs met. They lack the vocabulary, and the topic is stressful and disturbing. They are locked-in, bound in the narrow strictures of their upbringing.
Q: Why do women have legs?
A: So they don't leave snail marks on the linoleum floor.
Seriously get a life. That joke wasn't even funny.
Whahahaha that was funny!
One movie: Fight Club
Atta girl.
Baby you're so damn funny!
Great job! Totally agree.
I wrote something similar, but I wish I brought up the part about feminization of psychology:
I checked out your blog and I liked it. Thanks for the comment and keep reading!
I recommend this post by one of our bloggers, Sheamus Bennett: http://www.peoplejam.com/blogs/anger-management-makes-me-angry-now-what
My wife thinks basically the same way, so I am lucky.
God bless you Tara, you have certainly added a new perspective to the "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" debate. Lots of times I've found myself arguing with women because I always look for a solution to problems, rather than sit down and empathize with them and their issues. I definitely think there has to be a middle ground, and men need to step forward and be more understanding, but women certainly need to help out as well.
Ugh! I hate that book! Just talking about problems and expressing feelings without adding problem-solving to the mix goes nowhere. We need both masculine and feminine energy/approaches/qualities - whatever you want to call it - to be truly successful in relationships and in life. We need to value and honor the best in both men and women.
Thanks for the kind comment. Really appreciate it.
A quick question for the men: Who has been told to be more sensitive by a woman. Then later had the same woman tell them to be a man regarding whatever suits there purposes?
Just a question, we should all have Miss Cleo on speed dial.
Great point. Talk about some women having their cake and eating it, too, and mixed messages.
Not to mention, can you imagine the heat you'd get if you told a woman to try thinking rationally for once in her life?
We have become what I call a Granny Culture. Society is attempting to remove all risks. Bike helmets are an example. Any risky (male) activity is suppressed.
You can not throw snow balls in the school yard anymore because it is too dangerous.
The education system promotes ritalin primarily because it suppresses male behaviour. A "side effect" of ritalin is that it decreases testosterone.
In fact testosterone is a controlled substance where as estrogen is available with out prescription.
An awareness of this Feminization and a rejection of it brands one a chauvinistic dinosaur. Ironically it is this dinosaur that is often attractive to women. Just as feminine women appeal to men. Opposites attract.
Celebrate the differences.
Love the term, "Granny Culture." One of my favorite scenes from "The Sopranos" is the episode in which everyone thinks Tony and Adriana are having an affair.
There's a montage of all the hardened gangsters on the phone gossiping about it- just like a bunch of little old ladies. It was just as good as Christopher's "intervention" scene.
I agree with your point of view and thanks for the comment.
"testosterone is a controlled substance where as estrogen is available with out prescription." haha, if that's true it's an excellent factoid... telling indication of society's bias.
Reading things like this give me hope that there is still a stronghold of sanity left in North American society. Bravo. May I recommend books by David Deida and Sam Keen for further reading.
"Viscious"? Really? If you are going to put phrases in bold typeface, you should probably run a perfunctory spell-check. Other than that, I pretty much agree. It's sad that society is so PC-conscious that instead of celebrating our differences, we pretend that we're all the same. Big mistake, imho.
Interesting article, I don't get why society is always trying to reinvent or reshape what being a man is all about?
Also, the notion of getting in touch with your feminine side, its pure nonsense, it only confuse us more.I would also add, that fathers play a big role in how men in our society turn out, I think these are the effects of a fatherless society that we are living in.
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