Woman don't want men to show their emotions. And woman don't want men to be sensitive.
Woman want to know that they are with a MAN. A man has direction. A man shows leadership, and intuition, and initiative.
A MAN lives his life with purpose. His purpose is not making his woman happy. His woman's happiness is a bi-product. She's happy because she is with a man who has purpose.
Fellas. This is not that difficult. A woman compliments YOUR life. She is not YOUR life.
Guys, embrace YOUR life everyday. Get up off the couch and do the things YOU want to do and your woman will happily follow.
Listen to her complaints only in the context that they are feedback about the way you are living YOUR life.
Oh, and that picture of the two young woman kissing. Very hot. Why? Because I'm a man and THAT'S OK!!!!!

Grow a pair Gram!!

Reading the article, I hear the same complaints that I always seem to hear from women. The hard truth is that there are men like that all around you. They would be your platonic friends, or the typical "nice guy". You would probably never date a guy like that, no matter how much he has going for him. You might even call him or cry on his shoulder because of the way your guy is treating you. The real reality is, what you want and what you are attracted to a TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT THINGS.

"It's a lot easier to appreciate and desire men in all their glories and faults, then to try to make them become like us." So glad you said that. If we want guys to be strong and protect us, then let's not expect them to act like girls.

Thanks for an honest and enlightening perspective! I agree men have emotions.

I think this is an eye opening article. Women do do these things. I admit that I have done them. Sometimes we just need someone to point these out to us.

Thank you!

this is something that will be debated for all of life. there is a lot of material here, but that does not mean it is all fact. I still love that it creates the hype.

I strongly agree with the author that men are not good in expressing their feelings and emotions. It may be true that many women don't like their men cry.Women want them to show their emotions, yet don't want them to cry. Then how can they express their sorrows with out crying?

Entertaining but it worries me if a man claims never to have cried. They are either lying or sociopaths.

This blog is really fantastic displaying the feelings of both man and woman.It is true that men are not so good in expressing thier love to women. Another point that I liked was that women don't like men cry.

Good point. I like #1, sometimes i feel like people expect men to have a heart and attitude of stone.

Thank you! What you've said is exactly what I've always want to say but never been able to put into words. I am so tired of women wanting men to have the equivalent emotional experiences they do but expecting them to still be these strong manly men. I love the comment by Tara that Psychology is the Estrogen Ghetto - what truth! Feminists have gone so overboard demanding that we be treated as equals to men that they now treat men as if they are the "lower" sex. It's ridiculous. You've hit the nail on the head. Great job!

Wow - thanks for pointing out a totally new way of looking at the situation for me!

I like a manly-man and yes, I want him to take out the trash and pay the bills... and not cry!

Wow I totally agree. Not many women choose the approach that maybe the world would not be a better place if men were like women, and you do it so very well. Well written with humor, tasteful bashing and with respect to the opposing opinion. But to the point none-the-less and very persuasive, if I didn't already agree with you I would now!
Thank you!

Sorry - what is the point of this article? Are you saying that - in your observations - men ARE or ARE NOT more sensitive - or SHOULD or SHOULD NOT be less sensitive. It's a bit all over the page.

What is the "Real Problem?" Is it that women have been sending mixed messages and that this has produced "aggro men" - (what are 'aggro men?' BTW? I thought I was up on popular culture and I didn't get this one.) Ok I googled "Aggro man" and you're actually on the first page of google - and no definition... but there's T-Shirts from Asia about it!!

The article is a mess so I rewrote it for you without those pointless pictures...

It's a lot easier for women to appreciate and desire men in all their glories and faults, then to try to make them become more "like us." Accepting them makes our lives easier.

There's an ever rising population of men that are hurt, angry, and confused about how to behave, manage and express their emotions and interact with women and women have no one to blame but themselves.

To me, there's many popular complaints about men that are contradicted by women's 'real world' expectations of men:

"Men aren't good at expressing emotions." "Men only talk about sports." "Men need to be more sensitive."

Men have emotions. However, in general they express and handle them differently than women because they are men and there's nothing wrong with that. When I hear, "men need to be more sensitive," my translation is, "men need to be more like women."

Unfortunately, in my research, collectively, women perceive men that express sensitivity as inadequate and that men should feel bad about it. It's this contradiction that flies in the face of popular mythical needs over what women inherently desire in their men.

My conclusion is, men cannot replace a woman's female friends. If women feel they need a man who can talk about their feelings like their best girlfriend then they need to get together with their girlfriends to fulfill that need.

"Most women don't want men to cry. They don't want them to be unfeeling robots, but they want them to be men. Strong. Reliable."

What I've found is that by nature, men are better at carrying through on singular actions and methodical things. Women are more comfortable in the realm of verbal expression. It's not bad or good; it's just different.

I feel the deficiency here is not with men but with an overall message from societal channels that encourage women to espouse about problems and not take action; the value is in the perception and uncovering of problems not in taking action to solve them. That may be healthy when a situation requires listening over resolving, it still has nothing to do with the male animal.

"The world would not necessarily be a better place if women were in charge."

For this I say, anyone that attended all-girls' schools knows what I'm talking about. I know that most women are just as vicious as your average vicious guy. However, they're usually more subtle about it as men are hardwired to be more confrontational and competitive. At least with most men, you see them coming at you first.

Opportunities arose thirty years ago that allowed more and more women to enter the field of Psychology. The benefits being that it changed popular perceptions that menstruation was a disease and The American Housewife didn't have any other needs then being a chef and whore. But my perception of this "feminization" of the are culminated in an unhealthy amount of criticism by women mental health "experts" on the behavior of men and women.

The imbalance began to show with the mid- to late 1980s “men need to be more sensitive/get in touch with their feelings” movement began. It was embodied by television shows like "30something" and other wonderful flops. Men cried openly and wore pastel clothing to show they were "comfortable" with their 'feminine side.'

I could go on about a femininity not being embodied by pastels and soft cottons - but that's an article for another blog.

Men rushed to accommodate their wives, girlfriends, and potential female mates. But, like a stalwart bull mastiff turned into an angry confused Pekingese, the overwhelming tidal wave of confusing signals twisted the collective male mentality.

In fact, I sympathize with men; once proud and different they are now collectively confused and diluted.

I don't envy any of you. Let's face it, ladies, we're no picnic either.

... what do you think? More focused and more structured without the 'blathering' unfocused anger.

Rock On, Tara.

Interesting article, maybe women do expect too much from men. Maybe we need to understand how they feel instead.

"If women want to be with men who can talk about their feelings like their best girlfriend, then why don’t they just get together with their girlfriend?" Maybe because they arent attracted to women! There is nothing wrong with men who talk about their feelings?? My man.. does express his feeling and he is a strong and reliable. It doesn't make him any less of a man. It's all about connection and finding someone compatible. I'm lucky in that respect. There are good men out there who know how to express their feelings!

I agree that men have been "bludgeoned" over the years. Personally, I have become comfortable enough with myself and my own shortcomings over the years and I like the fact that my man is MANLY! He will not cry at anything (but I've never kicked him!); he can fix a car, a roof or cut down a tree; he's strong and burps when he drinks beer. But, he will say sorry when he feels he's wrong, he's gentle and can play with children and will do his own laundry when he runs out of socks! He's by no means perfect, but he's a man, and I for one am glad the "femi-nazis" have not brought him down!

I can see how many people would disagree with your blog, but I absolutely agree with you. People try to equate men and women, but they are definitely different and think differently. We just need to respect and appreciate our differences. I really liked it!

wow lots of insight. Girls actually want bad guys nowadays though. Noone wants sweet guys.

I can't lie. I am one of those girls that are guilty of accusing men of not being sensitive enough for me, until I dated a man that was bi-polar. It was one of the funniest and hardest relationships ever. All he ever did was cry. If I went one day without talkin' to him, he'd call me crying accusing me of forgetting about him. No thanks! Women like to say they're attracted to 'bad' boys, because they aren't sensitive or assholes. The truth is.. they're not emotional wrecks and they can handle their own. I couldn't imagine a man with as much estrogen as I have, I couldn't even be friends with him. I have a hard time getting along with girls, and I could only imagine if men were more like them. I agree with this blog 100%. I'm happy with men being the way they are. I'd rather them open up to me and talk to me about what they're going through than come up to me and cry on my shoulder because of something traumatic they've experienced in their life. Great blog, blog on!

I'm aghast at all of the agreement!
This is one of the biggest piece of trash articles I've ever read.
Men are egotistical jerks who need to be taken down about 50 more notches.
I'm sorry to hear that you are still bowing to "manly" men. Truly sad.
Macho men are insufferable.
They cause so much damage to society, and this kind of thinking allows them to trample all over with your approval.
Thank you for helping set back the Women's movement about 20 years. Big round of applause there.

I really disagree. My friends like to call my boyfriend my girlfriend because he's in touch with his emotions. I don't think that makes him less of a man I just think it makes him not a jerk.

Very good article. It is really hard to try to figure oout men and society sometimes. But in the long run I dont think we can ever figure out men.

Oh, yeah. Tara, you're the best. Finally a way to see the other side with a smile.

Everybody needs to understand their feelings. They are our guide. Feelings are what makes us human. they enrich our lives. Telling men that they don't need to get in touch with their feelings is akin to being an enabler. Men need their feelings to have richer relationships. Don't settle for less.

After reading all these comments I can't remember what I was going to say. lol I do remember that I like the blog. You're right a lot of women have done this to themselves. They want it both ways. That is unfair.

Finally a post where a woman does not say that a guy has to learn to express their feelings and all that CRAP! It was a good article, and well written, with a sane perspective. Something which is rare nowadays.

Great article. That is true. Keep spreading the news in this blinded world. ;-)

I really enjoyed reading this article. It really mad me think about how I view men when I'm in a relationship. In the past, I had a boyfriend who cried constantly. Of course I meanly labeled him as a sissy. Also, I've dated men that were completely emotionally available and hated them for that. I think I need to just come to realize the differences in the genders and find a good balance. Really, this was a great article.

all that you have said is so true. I am married and have been for 10 years and i am still young . I have know idea why men do the tinhgs they do or why they act like there is nothing wrong when it is. Ilove my husband and suport him in all he do, but he does things that scrue me and our childern over and then lie about it soi am thinking that he really don't care about us heis just glade he has some where to eat and sleep. His actions r gettin worst by theyears.

there is so much that is going on right now. I am glad to hear someone say
that they know their role and responsibility.

I am not saying it is right or wrong to be who you are, but society would function better if they knew more about what they are doing.
Supporting a family, being a mom, being a friend,
being a sister, being a dad, being a kid.

instead we are mixed up much of the time and don't even know what to be.

so we are anything we want to be.
that is hard.

Suppose we practice respect for individual people, celebrate our differences and diversity, and continue the effort to root out our stereotyped expectations based on gender. Wouldn't such an attitude go a long way towards healing the wounds we all carry - man and woman both - from the historic inequalities and polarities that society has imposed?

signed "S&M" ha haha

Great article!

Tara I read your piece here and think its "a little too late." I spent 20+ years in the service, through the whole "Men are from and men are crap" era. I saw too many divorces quoting how "he doesn't this, he doesn't that, he doesn't...etc." Your piece is spot on and to any woman out here that wants a man's man - special forces of any of the services (Special Forces - Army, Force Recon - Marines, Para-Rescue and Combat Controllers - Air Force, and Seals - Navy). You'll get the man of your dreams and more. Just be prepared, because they aren't gonna take your shit.

My wife found me there and we are on year 18 of a lifetime marriage. She knows she is all independent woman and that I am can and will live on without her, but we choose to give ourselves to each other.

BAH! It is a good piece Tara and we (the Wife and I) would probably enjoy your company. Cheers and happy writing.

S&M

Great article. Especially coming from a woman. Bulls eye, baby!

LOL!
American Men need to take hints from the Middle East. a firm bitch slap can solve most problems

Sup Dr. T... this article F'n Rules! You couldn't have said it better.

Thanks for sticking up for the "Bulls with Mastiffs" in tact !!!

Well this is probably the wisest comment available in this board . We sacrifice our individualiy in group thinking and identity politics . Let any body do whatever he/she likes . End of Story . But the problem is deeper ., the masculine jobs has been awarded and canonized , to keep the industrial process going at a time when women has little options. I think in todays world some kind of role revearsal would always be there. That doesn't mean people are getting feminized and it is someones utmost duty to celebrate manhood. This would be almost the similar pathetic identity politics , what the feminism has become.

Thank you very much. I will certainly try. Women have always complained about there being a double standard, whilst applying a different one to men. Victim becomes the perpetrator; the oppressed become the oppressor. Somewhere in the middle lies gender equity, not equality.

Hi Tara,
I agree that a little compassion toward men is certainly warranted. The pressures that are put on them are intense. They are judged by their ability to be the breadwinner and successful in very competitive world. This is very one dimensional but yet we want toem to develop their softer side. There is a double standard.
Thank you Tara for another provocative but well thought out analysis.
Keep them coming!!!

i'm surprised it doesn't happen more often (disclaimer: am female)

Yay. Stereotypes.

I'm a woman. I don't sit around talking about how I feel. I can put up shelves and tile a floor and fix a flat tyre. I have plenty of male friends who cry. Does this make me a freak and my friends freaks? Are we gender confused? No. We're part of a massive group of people that encompasses many types of behaviours and personalities. Broad generalisations like this do as much harm as telling men to get in touch with their feelings.

How about, we're all individuals, be the best person you can? End of story.

I work from home and earn a good wage, my wonderful wife keeps house and does her thing with the kids and such. I help out if asked to with cooking or whatever but generally do the "man" things, fixing plugs, putting up shelves, pottering around in the garage, etc, etc.

Is this wrong? Am I a sexist mysoginist beast? well, no, not in my opinion. My wife is a woman, she does what makes her happy. If she wanted to put up shelves or fix the cars radiator I'd be more than happy to let her. In the same way as a "normal" man if I fancy cooking or ironing my own shirt my wife doesn't say anything and usually enjoys it.

Men do not have a feminine side, that is called being gay, men do have the ability to empathize with their wife though which is an entirely different thing. Women do not have a masculine side it is just that some women like to do "guy" things and the proper response is to simply accept that.

Guy perspective - nothing is sexier thana girl with an arc welder.

Girl perspective - nothing is sweeter than a guy cooking dinner for his kids.

I'm not sexist but these are genetic differences, a man will never understand a girl and vice versa, it just needs to be accepted.

Oprah suxs btw

Excellent writing, in my opinion. Some good comment points about the "fatherless society", too. Maybe I'm justified in feeling like the female half of the species has me totally fucked over. Maybe I'm just not being "manly" enough! Conundrum illustrated! It's tough being a guy.

>> If I had to date women, I'd end up smothering most of them with a pillow in their sleep.

...don't give us any ideas

+1 internets for the woman who wrote this

women are women, men are men, don't try to change either one, just accept and celebrate differences. this is coming from a man so manly it makes the stalwart bull mentioned in the article look effeminate to the point of being mistaken a woman ;)

anyways, great job, great objectivity, write more . . .critically thought out articles are a relief to read

By the same token, women bearing children are simply fulfilling their genetic responsibility now. Being true to female nature is part of being a woman and women should also not expect men to be willing to endure servitude (financial or otherwise) to get it. That someone owes women something for it is BS(sorry), the desire to do so is the mark of a woman and a genetic bias women possess. Women are doing what brings *them* satisfaction by bearing children and becoming mothers.

That's a hot picture!