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How a Guy Chooses between Two Women
Guys are interesting specimens when forced to decide between two women. Our basic instinct of "I want it all" can reek havoc with our sense of right and wrong (if we have one) thanks to our innate desire to conquer the world one woman at a time.
How we make our choice between two (or more) women when given the opportunity to be with both, depends upon a myriad of factors. The process begins with the type of guy is pushing the decision button.
Is he a mama's boy who needs constant attention? Did he have a psycho ex-girlfriend that stalked him for a few years? Maybe have a girl fake a pregnancy just to keep him around? All are viable questions with what make us think the way we do.
I'm sure the ever popular "he's a dog" principle is coming to mind as well, and yes, this one is also inherently true. I've personally known guys to keep 5 or more women at the ready, just so a Saturday night roll in the hay was a guaranteed event. Rest assured, I'm not avoiding the subject. Just trying to move to more underlying rationals of why men choose a particular woman other than the size of her rack or the J-Lo bootie comparisons.
So what are the logical progressions of thought in this process? The order might be off somewhat, but this is basically how it goes:
Which one am I attracted to the most?
Typical response, nothing new here. Does he prefer blondes over brunettes? Does he have a thing for girls who remind him of his mother? Oedipus complexes were not one of Freud's half baked ideas in between daily cocaine and tea times.
Which one will be the best choice for me?
Again, typical response. Does he trust one woman more than the other? Is one lower maintenance than the other? How well do we gel as a couple?
What are her morals and/or ethics like?
If you got your heart trampled on like a doormat in the last go round, its likely you will not choose the girl with the mischievous smile. Unless she falls into the nice rack category, but then again, you're not really choosing to be with a girl. Just having your way with her for the interim soul searching session.
How intelligent is she?
What does she do for a living? Did she get a college degree? Some men are easily intimidated by powerful women, while others, might consider it a turn on
What type of family does she have?
Guys really look at this one if she is commitment material. No guy wants a whack job for a mother-in-law or an overly protective father-in-law fearful of losing his little girl.
How well does she fit into his lifestyle?
If there are consistent conflicts because he is always gone on business, or has a flirtacious nature about him with other women, how does this affect their quality time together? Jealousy or territorial behaviors are often quick deal breakers for a guy seeking a relationship.
Does she fit the role of a wife, and many times, the role of a mother for his future children?
This is probably the most difficult question of them all. At least for those who like to plan ahead for the future. More often than not, this conversation is held over beers or other social events with his friends. Guys in their mid 20s to mid 30s are most often to do this because we have had several girls in our past we can either pull out from the little black book, or those confronted by two suitable candidates for his bride to be.
To be honest, I'm sure there are many more ideas that I've excluded. These are but a few circulating through the mind of a low 30s average guy (i.e. me) who went through a similar situation some time ago. I found that my reasoning was based off of our ability to interact well together no matter the circumstances, and the woman that would provide the best possible future for she and I, and any other rug rats that might come along.
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Ha ha this article is such bs
here is how men choose between two women
1. Who is the best looking?
2. See 1
lmao so true id consider 3) whos better in bed too
dear dude that posted first u r a douche, i personally am having a very difficult time just being able to chose between 2 insanely awesome girls and i really cant just decide on the spot as u implied
ps i am a 13 year old so i cannot believe i am having these troubles at my age
so from now on speak for yourself
omg i have the same problem and the same senio
uh bro aren't you a bit young??? get out of here young one.
Young or not, the 13 y/o is right; your statement is douchey as hell. And I'm 32. Age never validates or invalidates truth. My son at 4 and my fiance's daughters (6 and 8) are some of the most insightful people I've ever met. Why? They haven't been jaded and adopted the view that you espouse. I hope since you posted this 4 years ago, you're perspective has matured somewhat. **The only other explanation I can reasonably infer is that you've dated horrible people (if you're a woman commenting on men) or you're offering a poignant self-description of what you're after (if you're a garden-variety douche).
Most of my guy friends are more or less on board with wanting a woman THE MOST for what's above her shoulders and not below them. Put that with a woman who hasn't let her body go (not Jane Fonda-style, just not dumping on her health) and that's a super desirable woman.
To women out there who are feeling the 2nd paragraph: Keep it classy, ladies :)
Since this post was a couple months ago, I hope you have found more knowledge but if your 4 year old is the one of the most insightful people you know, you are either 1) dumb 2) have an incredible son. But even supposing the best (option 2) a four year old just mentally isn't developed enough to provide insight. The only thing I may attribute to young children would be their incredible frankness because they haven't yet learned all the mind numbing social niceities and/or it's tolerated from children, but I digress. Point being, if a four year old can dazzle you with his intellect, not graded on a curve that is, it's pretty sad
That's not true my ex boyfriend left me for a chubby Asian girl. I am 5"4 109 lbs and have no problem getting men! It's funny how a man can chose someone totally opposite of you! Oh and I also model. So looks have nothing to do with it
Nice!
yeah... i believe the comment above me...
thats usually what happens... I'm the smarter, ok looking one, very caring, but good didnt bless me with breast... nor do I have long hair. I'm doomed, always am.
oh well.
Good post. I can never figure out what guys are thinking when they choose one girl over another!
being a guy and in a similar situation right now it is hard and honestyly i hate it. i know which one i want to choose but then again the other one gets more to it with the physical interacting u know wat i mean. god why are us men easily thrown off by stuff like that i hate it
If only it were so.... I don't think many of us are so thoughtful in choosing one over the other, male or female. But it's a great fantasy theory!
Actually, Freud's theory of the Oedipus Complex (and many of his theories, in fact) have been discredited by most of the scientific community.
I'd also like to point out that most men are not, as you've stated, turned off by a woman who is territorial. Quite the opposite, really. Many men consider it a turn on when a woman is willing to fight for her "territory".
Attraction isn't a logical process, although its more predictable in men. Most men won't choose unless they are forced to, unless one woman is obviously unsatisfactory. If a man is the type to be dating more than one woman in the first place, he's likely to be non-committal. Men primarily pair up for a "guarantee" of sex, but the alpha men among us know that limiting your options is counterproductive to having your way with women. Women seem to universally sense when they have you "in the bag" and stop trying to please you as they did when they were in competition with other women. The winner in such a competition is likely to be the one who waits the other out, all else equal.
As a woman, I'm definitely interested in how men think. This article helps me to understand a little bit better about how men choose between two women. Well written, and well placed sarcasm!
interesting thoughts. sometimes it seems like guys are way more interested in a rack than a brain, or a butt than a personality... but there's no discounting the need for the species to survive. for some guys that means pure physical attraction gets trumped by other less tangible qualities. nice blog.
It's funny. As superficial as guys can be, when put in front of two women, it really does often break down like this. As a guy, even if i were choosing between two girls that I didn't think I would last long with, I would break the situation down a lot like this, often times without realizing it.
This is an interesting blog to read, because as a girl, I always wanted to know what was going on in the guy's head that I'm dating. As I was reading through the list, I realize that this is what I look for in a guy too! I think the difference between men and women is the order of importance that the list goes, not necessarily what's on the list.
I agree with all your points!
How intelligent is she? That is a good question. You dont want some stupid girl ruining your life making 5,000 dollars a year. I understand that love isnt money, but i still think its a big deal.
Fail
'Reek' = smell intensely.
'Wreak' is the word you were struggling for.
By "reasoning was based off of" you presumably meant "reasoning was based on"
Whatever was going through your mind when you wrote
"The process begins with the type of guy is pushing the decision button"
or "All are viable questions with what make us think the way we do." or "Just having your way with her for the interim soul searching session."
didn't result in a granmmatical sentence.
"didn't result in a granmmatical sentence." resulted in neither a 'granmatically' correct nor correctly spelt sentence. Watch your punctuation too, if you are so concerned by this guy's non-fantastic, but non-essential grammar. He wrote an interesting post.
Fail.
x
My Winter Park, Florida lover "D," has a 30 year friendship with "K." He lived with her for a year (30 years ago), broke up with her and they remained friends. He told me they have been platonic for 25+ years because her body really turns him off (she suffers from flaccid cellulite).
He's been my lover for 2 years and now after 30 years, he's begun sleeping with her too and he's still sleeping with me. I think he wants her to be grateful that he would sleep with someone in her condition and wants me to try to get along with her.
I don't feel like getting along with either of them. Every waking moment, I have to fight the strong urge to severely humiliate them both online by shaping the sordid details into an online soap opera.
"He's been my lover for 2 years and now after 30 years, he's begun sleeping with her too and he's still sleeping with me."
Um, no... YOU are still sleeping with him knowing he's sleeping with her. I hope you dumped his cheating ass. What a jerk - you deserve better,lady!
Any guy who believes its just about looks is an idiot, maybe when your a stupid teenager then yeah its about looks, but when your older your be looking for someone you can have a meaningful life with. I know I want someone like that, and right now i'm choosing between two girls and it sucks
Obviously your a girl if you think that this is bs, this shows how men choose between two women.
There's this girl, and I think I love her.
And then there's my girlfriend of over a year.
I tried to explain to my girlfriend that I'm unhappy in our relationship, that we don't mesh well, like any of the same people, activities, places, anything. And she had a melt down. She practically threatened to self destruct if I broke up with her. She's been a great friend, I like her, but we just don't have any real chemistry. But I wussed out and agreed to give it another chance.
Big mistake. She suddenly started losing weight, cooking for me, playing guitar, offering me threesomes (with anyone BUT the girl I like) and she's willing to do ANYTHING in bed. Ok so the sex has gotten REALLY interesting but we still have no personal chemistry and now I suspect that a breakup will hurt her even more because now she's really, really, REALLY trying.
What should I do?
We men really do consider all of the points mentioned in this article. The trouble is I want it all! I want a woman who is attractive, intellegent and has a sane family. One who 'fits' into my life and cares for me deeply. I am a afraid that dating two woman will have the same result as usual; both of them get sick of me and I end up alone once again.
To the author of this article: would you please not use a picture of the Heff! He is NOT a typical male and does not need to choose between woman, he just uses them all!
I absolutely agree with this comment! It creates a weird form of dissonance to have this picture of Hugh coupled with a reasonably intelligent look into why men choose between two women.
I think that picture weakens your post.
Choosing between my heart and my head.
I have a son with my GF now. We are together again after a year apart. We seperated because of the relationship I started with a co-worker. My GF and I were together six months before we found out she was pregnant. We became a family but our feelings for eachother under the stress of becoming a family without being prepared for it took its toll. The relationship with the co-worker I started felt and still feels like "True Love" but I let her go because my GF now was going to do whatever she could to take my son (3 years old) out of my life if i stayed with her.I thought of my son as well, he deserved a shot at a family with both parents. It's been 3 months now we've been back together.Although we have things in common and everyone approves, I haven't been sober a day. I cant stop thinking about the other girl. I know I made a choice, the one i thought was right. what kind of father am I going to be to him like this? If I follew my heart back to the other girl my son will end up with a part time dad. I love my GF now like family and care about what leaving again will do to her as well. I think if i wait this broken heart out things will be "ok" but im not sure I'll feel love again.
Mid-20's
Dear Annoymous,
I really feel you on this one. My true love just married the mother of his child 2 weeks ago & I feel certained that he did it for his child & it's in his nature to honor & protect his family, even though he's not in love with this woman. I strongly believe we were meant to be. It's just always been bad timing. I was his childhood crush as well & our families have always been very close. After a 9 month affair I finally broke down & told him that I was in love with him, but did not want to go through this anymore. We hardly ever got to see each other because of the distance between us & I know that I am worth much more than a side kick. Ever since the conversation, he won't speak to me about us anymore & gets very defensive if I try to pry into his feelings & just 2 weeks ago he went through with the marriage. After spending a weekend around him about a month ago at a family reunion I realized that he is very much in love with me as well. He didn't even realize that he wears his heart on his sleeve. He kept staring & stealing glances at me every chance he got & he even followed me around most of the weekend always wanting to be in the same room as me. What I can't understand is how a man can deny his true love. I am currently going through a divorce of a very unhealthy 6 year relationship & I would never past up a chance at true love. Even if I have a child to take care of, I would separate from that person, work out custody & vistation, get my life & emotions in check, and then go back after my true love. Life is too short to waste on being with someone that doesn't make you happy.
Being a man trying to choose between my child's mom (whom I love) and a woman that I am deeply in-love with and who makes me happy, I am glad to see that (at least in your case) the latter was able to understand some on the man's reasons for choosing the former. I have a little more than a week to choose (because of pressure from both sides), and I am currently leaning toward choosing the mother of my daughter.
At the same time, when you say, "Even if I have a child to take care of, I would separate from that person, work out custody & vistation, get my life & emotions in check, and then go back after my true love," I really don't think you understand how hard it can be to do what you are talking about. Furthermore, I'm not even convinced it's the "right" thing to do.
The phrase "honor & protect [one's] family" means something different to everyone, and for some of us, it means more than our own happiness. However, the question then becomes, "How will my happiness (or lack thereof) affect the wellbeing of my child?" If one is, like the poster a few posts above this one, so unhappy that their decision results in constant drinking, the answer is pretty obvious. But, if you're like me, and can imagine some level of contentedness with either partner, it becomes a lot more difficult to decide.
These are all interesting comments. I'm in love with a man who I feel I have crazy chemistry with, but he lied to me from the jump. When we first met, he said he didn't have a "significant other". To me that meant he wasn't involved/sleeping with anyone but that was far from the truth. He and I started hanging out and the relationship was great. We were together everyday. I just knew he and I would be together for a long time. Later I found out that he had a "female friend" who had been around for two years. She was his sex partner and she cooked for him every nite. He came and went as he pleased and she still stayed. She wasn't allowed to come over until 9-10 at night and I have kids so I was at home taking care of them. It worked perfectly for him for a while. Then one night his plan failed on him and we found out about eachother. She was very upset and so was I. I broke it off with him. The next day he told me he was letting her go and he did (I actually know this through her admission) but when he broke it off with her she started showing up at his house unannounced every night (like clockwork) and they were having sex. I was very hurt because he didn't have to let her in but he did. He said (in front of her) that tried to ignore her knocks, but she wouldn't go away, she would just stand outside knocking, waking up all the neighbors so he just let her in. WHATEVER! The reason I got a chance to meet her is I was staying over his house and she came over. At this time, I didn't realize that this woman had been in his life for 2 years and she was not going to just walk away. She didn't care anything about me being in the picture. I really loved him and really wanted things to work but I knew I couldn't trust him and I knew he wasn't ready to be in a relationship.
After I broke it off, of course he came back and I agreed to be his friend WITHOUT BENEFITS, and it worked for a while but I ended up sleeping with him and then he had both of us. He took me home with him and I met all of his family. He invited me into all of his social circles, church, work, exercise, etc. She's has never met his family/friends or been to church with him or to his job functions. It's like he keep her in a box. I finally got enough self-esteem to let him go. I don't sleep with him anymore but there's so much chemistry between us. Everyone says we're supposed to be together and I think so too. His family loves me; they're all on my facebook page. He and I are always chatting publicly on facebook and she never says anything on his page, like she's afraid that he will get upset so she just stay in her little box...it's sad really. I know she hates me because he let me do and say what I want on his page, she hates that I've met his family and that he brought me to his church. We act like we're a couple and he would definitely be okay if I continued to have sex with him but I'm not. I love him dearly tho. I hate her too tho because she continues to sleep with him, knowing he's treats me like his girl. She doesn't know if he and I are sleeping together or not, but she still stays. He told her that he doesn't want to be in a relationship but yet she's been there for three years now as his "friend with benefits". She still gets to be with him at night tho, she gets to make love to him every night and I want to be with him so bad. I just refuse to let him have both of us. I won't lay up with him if he's going to keep her around. He tells me that he can see himself in a dedicated relationship with me but the timing for us just isn't right. He acts like he wants to be with me but I feel that he can't want me that bad because he won't let her go. He tells me it's not about the sex with he and I, he values my friendship. Yeah, it's not about the sex because he's getting the sex from somewhere else everynight. I just don't understand what they have together. I know it's something because he's willing to let me go to keep her around but I don't understand why because he keeps her in a box and no one knows she exist (other than me). Still it's something about her that he must love. She knows she's not his girlfriend but I think she feels that if she stays, he's going to end up marrying her because she hung in there with him. I love him so much, but I can't be his fool and he won't have his cake and eat it too. Sometimes I still think he's having his cake and eating it too. He still have both of us in his life, maybe not totally the way he wants it but we're still there. I don't hang out with him any more and I know he misses that, from time to time, he'll hint around but he still has access to me at church and on Facebook and he still have her to lay up with. I don't understand what it is about her that he won't let go. He could have all of me if he really wanted me but if she's so important, why havent she met his family and friends or his Pastor? Why have I met all of those people? Still, he won't leave her alone to be with me. I don't get it!
Kizzie- from a mans point of view: You are bein played big time. He obviously loves her but is usin you as a backup plan or just some plan ol fun on the side. Sorry your head is so wrapped up in this, but take a step back & read your post. Hate to be harsh but Im honest: you sound pathetic
be careful or shortly down the line you'll be the one in the box while he's out having fun with the next thing. thats saying there's not already more.
"He could have all of me if he really wanted."
This is the problem: that he CAN have you. He wants a woman that (he thinks) he can't have.Tell himyou met the love of your life and are moving to the other side of the country, and he'll chase after you. But the minute he has you back, he'll go back to his old ways.
This guy is defective. He probably had a strict abusive mother and a cold father.He is probably all charming and know how to deal with people, perhaps on the controlling side and likely never shows weaknesses.
But deep down he is rotten. Defective merchandise. You know what you do with it? You replace it.
sounds like to me that u have it all figured out , like someone else I know , Hu u dont know nothing , Im in love with two women and Im so confused that its killing all three of us .
Sounds like to me that ur a know it all , Do u have control of ur own life ??? Do u have hidden secretes?? I guarentee that you do. I bet you have some rotten ways your self , because a good person would of said nothing bad about the guy and would have said Pray for him to change his ways
just shut up. listen to what ur saying, thats ridiculous. only a stupid person would say nothing bad about the guy
Out of many years of 'trying out' potential partners, what this person said of 'CAN have' really hit home. Men do want a little chase, the feeling like they are working towards something. It's what you do with it when you get it that counts. Being at the same 'CAN have' crossroads, it comes down to three things I've found..
1) do I accept them for their good and bad faults.
2) can we communicate openly and be ourselves.
3) am I physically attracted to them.
The person who posted this helped me tremendously in making a tough decision. Thank you whom ever posted this.
im 16 and have this problem. a girl ive been dateing for almost 2 months and a girl ive known and love long ago both love me and i dont want to leave my gf bc she'll hate me and i dont want to stay with her bc the other one wont ever talk to me anymore. im so lost atm it sucks so bad :( this advise is shit bc i tried n it dosnt work :/
To all the teenagers reading this post, "IT ISN'T FOR YOU."
Not to be too harsh, but the idea that you could, at 16 years of age, know what it is like to romantically love someone for a long time, is laughable. Your body (esp. your mind) is still developing. Think of how much you've changed in the last 16 years. Then, realize that you will change in a lot of ways in the next 16 years. Then, realize that this article is directed at people more in that age group. Then, leave your computer, go hang out with your friends, and lighten up. You'll have plenty of time before you need to worry about trying to choose the "right" person.
The "attractive" thing isn't necessarily true...guys will often actually pick the lesser looking girl, because they have the preconceived notion that she'll be less high maintenance, will stick around longer, will be more "needy" for the attention of men and thus likely to "put out" more often, and they won't have to compete for her attention from handsomer men. Being beautiful doesn't necessarily make you more popular or well liked...I'm considered very attractive (by others...my own perception is something different), and I've never really won out in a dilemma like this, or had tons of people close to me who I can trust. Men have told me that they feel intimidated, and other women have told me they feel threatened.
Im a shitty time peeps.....im 24 and ive been been dating a girl for 2 yrs now shes 21 and we have been on and off cause of the fact i hate smoking and swore to never date a smoker....she quit for 6 months or so i thought N theni caught her and i finally.got.sick of it and broke up with her over 2 weeks ago.....and in that time i started talking.to.an.only.exs cousin whos only 19 which ik is young.but we have a lot more in common and now i feel.bad for the ex i just broke up with and now im torn.in.goin back to.the old gf whos act. making an effort to quit and told.me.shes soooooo in love with me....but the new grls fallin for me too....sex if once a week eith the old grl.and the new ones a freak...i dont wanna think with my.dik but.uhhh itsss killin me
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