Love and Relationships: 10 SECRETS ABOUT MEN

Evan Marc Katz's picture
Posted by Evan Marc Katz on January 31, 2008 11:56 AM PST
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Esquire magazine has female celebrities telling us "10 Things Men Don't Know About Women." Here's my take on what they and their sisters don't know about men.

1. You don't want to be judged for your looks; we don't want to be judged for our wallets. Unless we're ugly and have lots of money. Then it's OK.
2. You're not the only person who likes to be called "sexy."
3. Saying "I love you" is a major step in a man's life. That's why we wait for you to take that step first.
4. We are not being cheap when we make $35,000 a year and can't afford to pay every single date. We are merely being practical.
5. A guy who spends too much time in the gym is making up for something else that's lacking. Unfortunately, you can't figure out what it is until it's too late.
6. Don't get mad at us because we don't remember what you were wearing on our first date, or the angle of the light during our first kiss. We were probably drunk.
7. You're good in bed if you make us feel like stallions.
8. Jealousy isn't a sign that you love us more, it's a sign that you trust us less.
9. Hanging up on us is a surefire way to make sure we go to bed mad.
10. We're sorry. Whatever it is, we're sorry.

Additional Secrets:
1. Getting angry at us for not reading your mind is like getting angry at yourself for not being able to fly. It's not just futile, it's physically impossible.
2. Yes, we do think Jessica Alba is hot. Sometimes we're even dumb enough to admit it.
3. Don't ask us to understand your shoe fetish. Asking us to respect it is even sort of pushing it.
4. You do look good without makeup, just not as good as you look with it.
5. Ever notice how we don't fight with our male friends? That's why we get so frustrated when we fight with you.
6. You care what you're wearing infinitely more than we do. In fact, if you're naked when you open the front door, you won't hear an argument from us.
7. You don't like to get hit on in public, you don't want to date online and you don't want to be set up on blind dates. Tell us if sending messenger pigeons is an appropriate way of courting. Because if it is, we're all over it.
8. There should a statute of limitations on stupid things that we said that can come back to haunt us. I propose 24 hours.
9. Cooking dinner for a man is like buying flowers for a woman, except it takes a lot more time, effort and thought for you to do it. Thanks. We appreciate it.
10. We actually like your girly pet-names for us, but please, not in front of the guys!
11. Just because we like looking at the women in Maxim doesn't mean we want to actually converse with the women in Maxim. Not for long, anyway.
12. Your nice guy friends are the most reliable source for telling you if your new boyfriend's a jerk. And he probably is. (By the way, you might want to consider marrying that nice guy who's giving you advice about the jerk.)

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Betty's picture

I loved this post...every single thing you said is so true. Especially the part where you said "You care what you're wearing infinitely more than we do. In fact, if you're naked when you open the front door, you won't hear an argument from us." Hehehe. I'll be sure to try that soon!!


Amanda's picture

Q: Why do women fake orgasms?

A: Because they think men care! That's a joke straight from a guy. And he says it's true....


Pam Thomas's picture

...this is a riot. Thanks for the secrets..I especially love this one; "You don't like to get hit on in public, you don't want to date online and you don't want to be set up on blind dates. Tell us if sending messenger pigeons is an appropriate way of courting. Because if it is, we're all over it."


alex's picture

13. Sometimes we do secretly enjoy a sweet romantic movie. But, please, don't drag us to anything with Matthew McConaughey and Kate Hudson


VTCastle's picture

I'm calling for an encore! We need a 2nd post of this stuff.

If I may contribute a 14...

Men aren't looking for the perfect girl... just one that's perfect enough to tolerate our antics. If she happens to look like Jessica Alba it's our reward for being a good boy scout early in life (or we have money)!


MissC's picture

Funny thing is, women are very similar. In fact, I had to end a few relationships because the guy I was seeing wanted to get serious *way* too fast. I think the "I love you" thing is huge for everybody.

You know, women don't always get dressed up for the guy they're going with: a big part of why we care what we look like is that we know other women are judging us based on how we look. We dress up for each other at least as much as we dress up for guys.


Evan Marc Katz's picture

Would love to hear more of your contributions. Funny is good, but we can learn from serious, too...


JohnW's picture

Guys like to watch reality tv just as much as you do, they're just scared to be caught doing it.


MathsIsAllAround's picture

i love being called sexy haha. very cool list.


blogking08's picture

Evan, great insight here. Funny how in a relationship or in the chase all the emphasis is on what the women want and how to persuade them. Sometimes women need a reality check that guys are very simple to please but we need them to understand the basics like making us feel like stallions or the fact we have no idea what you wore on our first date. Need part 2!!


Anonymous's picture

I personally think this writer is a woman posing as a man. There's no way a man with half a spine will write half of the things in either list.


TehVixen's picture

I love how insightful this blog is. I hate women who expect men to do everything, especially pay for dates. Times have changed, and people are different. Our economy sucks, so I only think it's fair that women hold up their end of the bargain. They wanted independence, they wanted to work. What's the point, if you don't plan on using any of that money? I can't say I'm very different from men, judging by this post. Maybe that's why I get along with them so well.


jonnyc55's picture

As a guy, I read this.....somebody understands! I've never put it so eloquently and honestly in my life. Thank you sir. This page is now in my favorites, ready to be shown to any of those girls who say that "they just don't get guys."


euroni's picture

This is a great list. Not only because it's true, but also because it goes against many of the stereotypes that people think of men. LOL! I think it's funny that guys actually like the "girly" pet names. Of course, individuals will vary in this, but I'd say this is pretty accurate.


Anonymous's picture

You do not mention what to do if HE has a best friend who happens to be a very pretty woman.And what to do if HE asks you stupid questions about your body .other than that I love this


Anonymous's picture

Try moving in with your mates Even. There WILL be fighting eventually.


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