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Dating Tips for Love and Relationships
FIVE DATING TIPS FOR MEN ON BEING A GOOD DATE:
Let chivalry occur naturally
Do not "rush" ahead of your date to reach a door first or make a big deal out of paying a check or opening her car door. Simply be a gentleman and do the right thing, at the right time for the right reason.
Focus on her
Many men allow themselves to be too easily distracted. Since we get aroused and are driven visually, we tend to let our eyes wander and believe me, she will notice. Consider her a magician...when she enters the room everyone else should immediately disappear.
Listen to her COMPLETELY before you respond
Men live by the principle of "thorough brevity." We use as few words as possible to convey our emotions or intentions. We often hone in and fixate on one word or phrase, know that is what we are going to respond to, and thus stop listening. Be an active listener and you'll have an appreciative partner.
Never leave the house with "ulterior motives"
It was said best in the movie, "There's Something About Mary"...never leave the house with a "loaded gun!" If your entire mission for that date is to satisfy your own physical urges and desires, you will not be at your best and it will be transparently apparent to your date. Whatever you do to get sex off your mind before a date, do it twice!
Leave your cell phone home (or turned off in the car!)
First, you're not that important! You'll get the call eventually. Second, your date needs to sense that nothing is more important to you, at least during the duration of that date, than her. Answering your phone, checking messages or text messaging someone else will give her the "uns." She will feel uncomfortable, unattractive, and unappreciated.
FIVE DATING TIPS FOR WOMEN ON BEING A GOOD DATE:
Make sure that PDA is Okay
Some men consider public displays of affection to be a real turn on, while others find the experience to be uncomfortable at best. It won't take long to gauge which side of the equation he falls on. Plus, the subtle and gentle caress of a finger while holding hands (that no one notices) can create as much of a stir as a passionate kiss in the middle of a crowded room.
Look great for him, but not necessarily for half of North America
There is a fine line between looking fabulously sexy and overly provocative. Men become aroused visually and appreciate attractiveness in their date, until they sense that she has placed herself on display for the entire world to see, meet and greet. Men don't want to feel as if they have paid for and provided you with a runway for your coming out party.
Offer to pay, but then give away
Men have more respect for a woman who offers to share the costs of a date than one who assumes that she has a free pass for the day. It shows respect for him, the dating process and how money plays a factor in love and relationships. Not to mention it allows him to feel good about treating you well! Just the gesture of offering sends a strong message to him that you appreciate the costs associated with spending time together.
Give him a sign, early on down the line
If you are having fun, let him know in a subtle way. If you are enjoying his company, make it somewhat apparent through your words and actions. Sometimes men spend the entire date trying to decipher whether or not it is going well or is a complete and utter failure. No matter how under control he may appear on the outside, his inside is operating as doppler radar for dating.
Help him avoid the "showdown"
The showdown is the last five minutes of a date. What is going through a guy's mind? Should I kiss her? If I do, what type of kiss is appropriate? I don't want to come on too strong, nor appear disinterested or prudish. If I don't try, will she think that I find her repulsive? Help avoid this by offering your cheek early on in the date and allow for a harmless expression of affection to occur. Then, maybe later, sparks will fly or it will at least be easier to say goodbye.
A BONUS DATING TIP FOR BOTH!
Dating Advice: Keep the date brief
The light that burns brightest, burns shortest. Plan for no more than two hours together. Then, if sparks are flying and chemistry is clicking, you can always add more time later which ultimately bodes well for more love and a possible relationship in the future.
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Hello David,
Good and interesting topic to be discussed. I am pleased to see your opinion on dating for both men and women.
___________
Luwow Goldman
Very much interesting topic.I'm really glad that you wrote both the men's side and women's side of the dating perspective.
I really feel like this advice is sexist and old-fashioned. I also felt it was very hetero-centric. I agree that there are some good pointers here though. There is stuff to learn on this blog, but it just really needs updated a bit and de-genderized.
I'm really glad that you wrote both the men's side and women's side of the dating perspective. After reading what the men should do, I really agree wholeheartedly with it. I really wish all men that I had dated knew this and followed it. I'm not in the dating scene anymore, but this was really great advices.
The last one is super important! I've found that if dates run too long, you learn a little too much too early about a person. It's not necessarily a bad thing, just ill-timed. Timing can be everything in a blooming relationship. Short dates are the best ways to allow yourself to see the good thing in you date, show the good things in yourself, and avoid the exchange of too much too soon. Plus, it leaves you both wanting more (if all goes well), and avoids those awkward silences. Should the date just be a simple disaster, it gives you a chance to duck out early, and it just seem standard policy.
This all sounds really great! A few things I could do to remember also. Now, to forward this page to every male I've ever dated...
All wonderful pieces of advice. I'd have to agree that offering to pay on the first date would be sort of rude, but nowhere here did we address who asked whom? I'd say the one who asked would be the one who paid.
You're right on about the listening part. I hate it when guys ask me something and then you can tell that they aren't listening to my answer. Then, when I'm still in the middle of my story, they jump into some tale about themselves.
Seriously, why go out with me if you don't even care enough to listen to what I'm saying?
Your first tip for men is definitely the best. A guy who is overly chivalrous just makes the situation awkward. What I mean is a guy who after you open the door for yourself makes some comment about how he was supposed to do that. Honestly, comments like that make it seem like the guy is looking down on me. I'm fine with you opening doors, but don't throw a fit if I do it myself.
Great article! Good tips.
I'd agree with you on everything, except for the woman offering to pay. But hey, I'm old fashioned.
I wouldn't do that on a first date. In a relationship I would, of course...
Thanks David. Interesting suggestions and I'm sure they will speak to many people as the way to go. If it works, and feels right, wonderful. Go for it!
I have a slightly different take though. As I read through the suggestions I felt like I was reading a rulebook or setting the stage for a play.
I asked myself is this what dating is now? Where is the open and honest communication? Why should you as the man have to read her cues to see if she is uncomfortable about you bringing your cell phone to dinner. Talk to her. Ask her. And as a women why should you be trying to gage the 'PDA'. Is a public show of affection okay? What??? Just talk to him or her and find out what feels good then follow your hearts.
If your dating life is based on a stage play where all of the communication is based on a rulebook you may be more than a little disappointed when the pretense ends and your come face to face with who you really are. Consider starting out instead as the people that you really are. Heart and soul. If you love to hold hands and physical contact is important to you, make it known right away in a caring and respectful way to your date. Talk about what is important to you. If your idea of a great time is to go to motocross, invite her or him along and offer them the gift of some ear protection.
I get the feeling though that you'll both know pretty quickly if your dates are the 'ones' for you. And if not, say thanks and move on. Life is a beautiful experience. Live it each moment, in the moment, being true to who you are. The 'one' in your life will celebrate and honor who you are, even as they do the same for themselves. No pretenses.
Just food for thought.
Blessings,
Nellie
thanks david. i like the idea about keeping the first date short, it relaxes both people and if the spark is there they have something to look forward to for their next date.
As someone who is re-entering the dating scene these tips are not only timely, but fantastic! I especially love the one about offering to pay; I say absolutely!! I would not expect the man to pick up the entire tab and think it is great to go dutch treat OR I pay for one date and then he pays for the next.
I would have to say they all sound like a great tip! Even for a former married man! perhaps we(him/her) should keep these tips in our pockets for the rest of lives. It would make dating and married life far more exciting!
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