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How to Escape an Over Eager, Marriage Hungry Female
The lioness stalks her prey quietly. The gazelle has not been alerted to her presence just yet. She has taken all the proper precautions by approaching downwind, blending with the tall savannah grass. The gazelle takes a few steps closer and she pounces. The poor gazelle never had a chance!
This is obviously a dramatization depicting the over eager, marriage hungry modern woman, but there is humor in such a jester-like analogy. In fact, men often equate similar Discovery channel story lines to their own romantic interludes of the girl that tried just a little too hard to get the bling bling.
To avoid this potential powder keg, a guy must be able to identify the warning signs. Some men are self-admitted idiots, so we often need things spelled out in simple, easy-to-use directions. I say “easy-to-use” because, well, most men hate directions and we're hell-bent on doing it our own way.
Warning Signs
- Dates with her are implied. They are no longer a planned event.
- You notice wedding magazines along side your Sports Illustrated collection.
- Her friends begin dropping hints about the big day coinciding with their vacation plans.
- She frequently reminds you of her ring size.
- She sighs when she takes a birth control pill.
If you have noticed any of these signs, you could be experiencing feminine pre-marital anxiety issues. I know this sounds like a pharmaceutical drug commercial and, no, it’s not a legitimate disease and their isn't a pill for it. Nor should you be complaining about these and other warning signs if you have been stringing this girl along for 3 years (or longer) telling her you can't afford a ring.
Now that we have a diagnosis, what shall we do to solve this little problem? Sure, you could just break down and marry her if you like. Chances are, the topic has been floating around in your mind anyway if you have been dating her for a significant amount of time, but what are you supposed to do if you do not want to marry this girl? How to escape?
If you fall under the devious or cowardly group, the old “Dear John” approach could work. Yet there is nothing classy and respectable about breaking it off with her over email or worse yet, a text message. If this woman put up with your antics for several years waiting for you, don't even think about this approach. This violates basic man law principles, so grow a pair and take care of business like a man.
If you are the problem solving type and feel something is wrong, but correctable, have a sit down conversation about the problem(s) you might be experiencing. Ladies love a guy who can at least vocalize his issues, so sometimes taking your foot out of your mouth long enough to say something credible makes a world of difference.
If you are a traditional kind of guy, go with the classic break up line, “I'm just not ready for that level of commitment.” This will obviously cause some grief, and possible destruction of property, but it is an acceptable escape mechanism because it is honest and forthright. She may hate you for the rejection, but she will hopefully respect you for being honest with her.
Then again, if she is a total wacko who wants to marry you after the first date and talks about naming your first three kids after your grandparents, it’s definitely time to ask for the check. Don't worry about the pleasantries, just hit the door and don't look back. Having a female stalker is not as glamorous as you may think, so make sure she doesn't follow you home!
Bottom line, marriage is a sacred concept as well as a legal contract. When you sign on the dotted line, do it right and do it once. If you feel you're not ready, then chances are you probably aren't.
No need to lose half your stuff right?
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Good basic article, I would just add that guys should take just an hour or two to research the legal impact of a marriage contract. I think you will be stunned. Most things in life can be overcome with time--if you join the Army and decide it was a mistake, you can leave after a few years--but marriage is a legal briarpatch that even divorce can't completely undo.
haha i found this article to be funny and real...so many women out there want to rush into marriage because they are scared they will never marry... and like the article said "marriage is a sacred concept as well as a legal contract" not something to be taken lightly...
Has any guy ever actually been forced into marriage? I'm just saying, if he can't 'escape' from a woman who loves him and wants to marry him, maybe he can't handle the dating scene anyway.
I have always been up front with my "special lady friends" that I am not looking to get married. They, for the most part (maybe I've just been lucky) seem to have been ok with this. Anytime I have ended a relationship, or have had one ended on me, it was not for a lack of commitment. I think honesty is the best policy. Ha, and don't be pressured into something you don't want to do for the sake of both of you.
LOL this is a great post. Very funny and very true. All of us girls have a girlfriend like that and wish that we could slap her for ruining our reps. The truth is that after 3 years the marriage conversation should have already come up and been talked about. That doesn't mean you have to get married. There are plenty of great life long relationships without the expensive wedding and bling. If neither person in the relationship feels safe enough to talk about that kind of stuff then marriage or life long relationship probably isn't a good idea and definitely don't think about having kids.
OMG! I hope I wasnt like that, but I may have been!
I guess there are many men who feel like the women are going to fast toward marriage and they do not feel ready. They definitely do need to escape and not be coerced into marriage. However, this post makes so many women sound like they all want to get married and just bind the husband. Marriage is a beautiful thing and I hope that any couple would marry because they love each other.
It is a mystery to me what exactly men are supposed to gain by marriage? Women's lib has given them equality, but the arcane legal system still rewards divorcees as if they have no earning potential of their own. With women so empowered, we men can meet our needs without marriage, but if one feels so inclined, he would be a stone-cold fool to marry without a pre-nup. While women have the vaunted reputation of being faithful and noble creatures who only wish to marry for love, the reality is far more sinister. Women detest pre-nups unless they themselves have money, because it limits their ability to flee the marriage and take everything with them. Personally I would not consider marriage until the four year expiration date has passed, as this is the average age at which relationships dissolve. If you make it past four years, and the woman is willing to sign a pre-nup, then you can consider marriage with a limited degree of confidence. If women think that an intelligent man will just jump in after a year without reservation they must have a fairly low opinion of men overall. Not surprising since the media portrays men as ineffective, ignorant buffoons and women as long suffering, high earning, competent saints.
Read more here: http://alphadominance.com/?p=373
I agree w/ both of you. I haven't experienced this directly, although I am aware of the resentment that comes from the 3 year "wait & see" engagement policy. Not sure if I could deal with, but we are all adaptable in a long enough time line.
Gene Simmons made it work so maybe cohabitation without marriage is a real possibility in the future. After all, premarital sex was completely taboo in the US until the the mid to late 20th century.
I have never understood why women feel the need to hang on to someone who is not going to marry them. On the other hand, I have run into men who are just as guilty and try to put the pressure on! No one should string anyone along in either case. Tara is right - anyone who hangs on because they think that someone is going to change is very much responsible for their own actions! And I agree - no one wants to hear the whining!
Yes, some men may waste 3 or more years of a woman's time, but, ultimately, she's made the choice to hang in there that long in the hopes of extracting an engagement ring. If it turns out to be "mission impossible," she bears just as much responsibility for going along with it. . . . . If you're in a relationship that doesn't meet your emotional needs you have three choices: 1) Clearly state your needs and hope your partner can rise to the challenge; 2) Continue to pout and feel resentful and victimized (please do stop complaining, however, this is a choice you're making and the rest of us are tired of hearing about it); or 3) MOVE ON. Wishful thinking is never a realistic option. . . . TJP
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