You ought to be ashamed of yourself. This is just terrible

PeopleJam is about setting goals and, I have to say, this may be the most ambitious one yet. First, I recommend seeing your doctor for a check-up. Your goal is the dating equivalent of running a marathon. You want to be certain your body's up for it.

Second, I suggest purchasing a good day planner/calendar. While you may not care about remembering names, etc., 1500 is a lot to juggle. You don't want to forget about any dates or confuse time and place as it could slow down your progress.

Third, safety first. I know you don't like Wal-Mart, but you could probably purchase a bulk package of condoms there. An ounce of prevention now saves a great deal of time at the free clinic later.

Please check back in with the community to update us on your progress. If Jillian can date 50 men, I'm certain you can at least double that since gender isn't an issue for you. Best of luck!

TJP

It's true that you are No Expert. You are no expert in tact, that's for sure. You have written in a meanspirited way. Are you hurt? Suffering? Maybe you can try to talk about those feelings instead of using words of sarcasm and cynicism.

This goal is just as valid as any other one on this site. My hunch is that No expert hasn't really set this as a goal. In fact, I think he's taking a poke at some of the overly earnest goals set on are site.

My suggestion: Lighten up and try not to take it all so seriously. Of course, if you're willing to play armchair psychologist, Fortunes Fool, what exactly are your credentials?

Mean spirited? Maybe. Maybe not. Oftentimes the light that's shined upon absurdity can seem cruel to those who buy into it.

TJP

it's obvious to me that this person's "goal" is just a commentary on what he's read so far on the site. Good job, no expert. I admire your way of driving many different points home without pointing any fingers. It takes courage to sound like such an asshole. But I doubt you really are. You don't fool me. Nice try though and get some real goals going, huh?

I don't think it's fair to call someone a "morality police," when this is a site founded on people sharing their thoughts and opinions. To do that is to defeat the purpose. What's there to lighten up about? You and I may find the humor in No Expert's fake-ass goal, but that doesn't mean, he's not going to offend others. What do you have, if there's no respectfully stated contention? A room full of people towing the line.. unwilling to take a stance one way or the other. That's boring! Let's not criticize the people that actually have the courage to speak up. So thank you No Expert and thank you Fool's Fortune, you both are doing a great service. Now let's see if we can cut through the bull and get to the truth of our feelings. *That's somewhat of a joke*

Fortunes Fool engaged in name calling because his/her sensibilities were offended. In my book, that's morality policing. I agree with Tara.

It wouldn't have been policing had Fortunes Fool written about feeling uncomfortable because of the post or what exactly he/she disagrees with. Instead, he/she called No Expert "Mean spirited,sarcastic and cynical" and asked in a condescending fashion if No Expert's "hurt" or "suffering." The message is "there must be something wrong with you" and that's WRONG.

Just because someone has a different point of view, beliefs or style of presentation doesn't mean they're sick or bad. I guess that makes me judgmental and intolerant of close mindedness and intolerance. Ironic, huh?

SOS

Fortunes Fool also tried to SHAME No Expert and called him awful and terrible. Shaming someone is about as low as you can go. We live in a shame-based society riddled with hang-ups.

There are too many people who walk around this world feeling bad about who they are because of what happened to them in childhood at the hands of their parents, teachers and or religious persons. I've no patience for self-appointed church ladies who, by the way, are more than likely suppressing huge amounts of rage and shame by virtue of taking a moralistic and shaming stance.

Talk anout why you're uncomfortable or disturbed; that's how you begin a meaningful dialogue. Don't point your finger in disdain at another person unless you want it pointed right back at you. The mirror reflects both ways.

SOS

Couldn't have said it better myself. If we're going to engage in debate, feathers are going to be ruffled. I think it's fair to say that if people lob verbal grenades, they can expect a little return fire. I'd be interested to see why Fortunes Fool is so offended and what No Expert's intention was in posting the goal. If his intention was to merely stir up a little controversy, hat's off. Well done. I like it.

TJP

Especially when I read the crap you write about me. Im talkin to you, Fool.

You want to see some suffering? Just think about how I feel when I read the maudlin crap you wrote. That's suffering.

Dude, relax. Your goal was alright but this last bit is kinda overkill.

He/She saved his brother's life and you call it maudlin crap?! Are you for real? I'm pretty laissez faire and all for pushing envelopes but don't be such a prick! Whatever clever humor you had is quickly losing steam in my humble opinion.

NE: You're confusing dating with sex.
What is your charge? The only thing I can think of is that multiple dating (not multiple sexual partners) is a threatening and confronting idea to most people. Many of the singles who come to our Institute balk at the idea of multiple dating or seeing dating as a numbers game: "I'll hurt people's feelings", "I can't do that", "if I don't commit right away to this person, then they'll leave me" then as soon as they engage in a new game, they see more choices in life, begin to have more fun and are more engaging on dates. The trick to remembering names? Being conscious, not drinking on dates, paying attention, and caring.

Jillian

Dear No Expert,

This is in response to both this blog as well as your comments to me on my "Date 50 Men" post (see link from your post).
Thanks for giving me an opportunity to stand up for myself with an agressive man. My first inclination was to feel hurt and respond defensively which I did, but then I realize that your writing is more about you.
I had not realized that me posting a blog about my goal to date 50 men in order to to learn about men and discern what is good for me by having different experience to compare and contrast could be interpreted as a conquest.

I'm not interested in conquest at all. However, I am interested in getting to know men and relating to men. You are showing me what it looks like when I am being projected onto, all in a very eloquent way.

The interesting thing you're teaching me is that a projection tells me much more about you. Seeing as I didn't mention sex at all, I would say that you may be horny as all get out. That's not what I want.

If you're really interested in a dialogue, that can be arranged. You'll have to practice not barfing your projections and keeping them to yourself, and I'll practice not being defensive when I feel hurt. Then perhaps we will both develop - you can become more of a man, and I woman.

Thanks again for the opportunity,

Jillian

It's amazing how a person can take a tiny concept from Psych 101 and run with it and run with it so very mistakenly.

Projection works both ways, Jillian, and, in my estimation, you just spewed chunks all over the site again (see your Titillation vs. Meaning blog post). Your two comments above are pure defense and projection. Nothing more, nothing less.

This guy hasn't set this as a serious goal. A discerning and skilled coach/clinician/practitioner would be able to see that, so would any other person who doesn't have knee jerk reactions to controversial material. He's holding up a mirror to you and some other people with similar goals. It's called SOCIAL SATIRE. I'm not the only one to pick up on this. Read the thread.

It's great to have a goal to learn about yourself and relate better to men. Your goal is your goal and it doesn't effect me any. However, it's hard to really relate to anyone, men or women, when you're trying to meet a quota. It's like channel surfing. 50 channels and nothing's on; keep surfing. Sometimes you have to stop, settle in and really drink someone in.

Meanwhile, why don't you spare us the armchair analyst/coach cloak you've wrapped yourself in to feel superior, protect yourself from having to really take a look at yourself and PATHOLOGIZE others who challenge you or express different points of view. Coach heal thyself.

SOS

Sos,

You are illustrating my point exactly. We all project. I have projected onto you aspects of myself that I have not owned, as well as onto No Expert. As he onto me, and you onto me.

What do you want out of this?

Jillian

And you, Jillian, have once again, illustrated my point exactly. You're assuming ( and rather feloniously) the posture of "expert," "wise professional" and removed participant. "What do you want out of this?" Why not ask, "And how does that make you feel?"

Give me a break. An undergraduate degree doesn't make you a qualified shrink. The only thing an undergrad degree in Psych qualifies you for is to drive the group home mini-van back and forth to the Safe-Way. And a 2-year program in Coaching? That means you're qualified to teach people how to write an action plan. Seems to me like you're still trying to figure out how to BEGIN a relationship. How does that qualify you to help others have successful relationships? You can only take others as far as you've gone yourself. Otherwise, you're just regurgitating platitudes you read in your textbooks. Anything related to sex and sexuality sends you into a tizzy. Again, how does that qualify you to help others have relationships?

"What do I want out of this?" I expect nothing from you. I don't know you. All I know of you is what you present on this site and it is textbook Psych: pretentious and condescending. You contradicted yourself AGAIN when you wrote you don't think No Expert needs to be "rescued." The comments you direct toward him are school marmish and ooze with false goodwill. Is this what they teach you at the Wright Institute? Did you assemble a "Blog Council" to help you draft your comments? Talk about "coached." You can't "save" anyone else; the only person you can save is yourself- maybe- but it takes unflinching honesty (being honest with YOURSELF) and HUMILITY.

Alrighty, what am I projecting now? Contempt and disdain for a puffed up, neophytic helping professional? Yup. That's not projection, baby. It's out there and I OWN IT.

SOS (Save OurSelves)

and you are we and we are all together."

I am the Walrus

(John Lennon- Paul McCartney, well, mostly John)

It's called a joke. I'm trying hard to figure out which one of you is more uptight, the girl with the 50 boyfriends or the one in the blindfold. Where I come from, we'd get you two in a mudwrestling ring and watch the sparks fly. That would be some kind of fight. I'd bet on Jillian. She's a little more self righteous than the S&M freak.

Some people’s inability to recognize and appreciate satire is unsettling. And god knows that anyone who attempts internet dating recognizes this all to well. My suggestion: a MySpace page, ads on Craig’s List, and a whole lot of condoms. Oh wait...a real Casanova wouldn’t wear condoms!

Mission accomplished! i reaached my GOAL. I banged 1601 women. It was hard work. it took more than a year and most of my disposable income. I have no savings, I have at least one STD, and I have no more self respect. But i did it. I reached my friggin goal.

Here's what I learned: most women are self absorbed, self righteous and pretty insecure. but some of them are wonderful, hilarious, vivacious, outrageous, inspired, challenging, helpful, supportive, and tremendous fun to cuddle with on a cold night.

Now i am miserable and slowly going mad because the syphillis has finally reached my nervous system. I can barely type because my mortor reflexes are gradulallydeteriorating. But i can grin with my toothless smile and croak gleefully: "I did it. I bonked the hell out f 1601 women in about 15 months. I am not proud, but I am satisfied."

I RECOMMEND THIS HIGHLY FOR EVERY MAN. Not so much for every women, tho.

wear the jimmy hat! dont' make the same mistake i did. F*cker burns every time i take a pee.

PS: Thanks Jillian. You were AWESOME in the sack. a little whiny at breakfast but it didn't matter because i was already en route to #478. Love you, mean it. thanks for the pancakes.