You are an amazing individual. No matter what your view on Evolution, you are here on earth today, conscious, breathing, synthesizing, and imagining. As you read these words, you're actively creating connections in your brain to the past, and to the future. You are only limited by your own perceptions.

It's hard to trust in your own beauty, especially when you measure yourself with inaccurate tools. The only mirror you need in your life is your conscience. Your conscience will tell you what's right and wrong, what's beautiful, and what's not. It's really that simple. We make it complicated, by comparing our conscience with others, and then ditching what we know for what we think someone else knows.

As an individual, you cannot compare your path to the paths that others must take. Your path begins with the decision to embrace what's right for you, and edit what's wrong. This is when you find out what's missing.

What are you missing?

Joy! And you're not the only one. We live our lives as drones, devoid of experiencing the ecstasies in life. Motivated by fear and inferiority, we try to control our lives to conform to the standards of others. We measure ourselves by how other people are living their lives, and then wonder why we can't find their same happiness. 

What we don't easily get is that life is a series of illusions, and the biggest illusion of all is control. We don't have any control over what will happen to us. The most carefully laid plans can be destroyed in one instance. We mistakenly think that a tightly controlled plan will bring us what we most desire, but instead it leaves us empty and yearning for "more to life." 

So, how do you find joy?

One of the privileges of being human is the ability to experience incomparable joy. This joy is not found in restriction, it's only found in the heart of children. What that means for us is that we must humble ourselves to a state of innocence, as children. The more you age, the more you realize you don't know anything, and how much there is yet to learn. We're so much like children in that way. Unfortunately, we grow more pessimistic as we age. As children, the enormity of things we don't know excites us, but as adults, the same thing makes us feel inferior.

You find joy by accepting, not expecting. 

Practical steps to experience joy in your every day life

1. Accept what is

Understand where you are in life. You may be 20 lbs overweight, you may be stuck in a dead-end job, you may be lonely, and you may be all three. This is your reality. Reality hurts your eyes when you haven't looked at it in a long time. But accepting reality is a crucial first step to joy.

2. Don't define yourself based on your reality

You are the experiencer, not the experience. How can you possibly define yourself by how much money you have in the bank? or by what type of car you drive? And how can you define joy by such finite terms? I know a lot of people who believe joy is the moment when all things in your life sync up, but that's synchronicity, not really joy. Joy is that exquisite moment when you realize the beauty of life, regardless of circumstances.

It often happens at the most inopportune moments. One such moment of joy for me was at my mother's funeral. At thirteen, I was desperately lost without my mother, but as her body was lowered in the ground, a brightly-colored butterfly playfully fluttered around me. I felt an instant gratefulness that can only be described as joy. It reminded me that life is always bigger than my circumstances, and life always has something beautiful to offer.

3. Make yourself useful to someone

None of us are meant to be alone. More to the point, all of us are meant to be useful to someone else. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, "I can't be who I ought to be until you are who you ought to be." This is so true for everyone in our lives, and why it's important to be you, and not a carbon copy of someone else. You have a unique role to play in another person's life, and only you can do it.

Until you commit to your authentic self, you are not useful. You will never find joy in being someone you're not. And you will never find that perfect someone when you're not the person they need.

Begin by being useful to yourself. Are you an asset to your life right now, or a liability? The more you develop a relationship with self, the more useful you will be to someone else. You will find joy in the simple act of service because doing so adds relevance to your life.

4. Relax your grip

Sex is better when you let go, and so is life. And just like with sex, we come to life with the baggage about what happened in the past, and what's expected of us. Joy occurs when you surrender to the moment.