It would be nice to know why something happened to us, but can we ever know and does it really matter anyway? Looking for “why” something happened is a trap we create for ourselves. Even if the “why” satisfies us, we have missed the point. It becomes a rationalization, an escape, and a way of not accepting our life at this moment. What’s important is not why the bird ate the worm, but that he ate the worm. Reality is not about the “why”, but about “what is”. When the “why” becomes the end point, it denies us the opportunity of even accepting a small part of what might belong to us.

Regardless of the event, if it happened to you, it belongs to you! There is no taint of victim consciousness, no excuses for not accepting whatever has come to us. This does not mean we are personally responsible for what has happened. All it means is we can’t argue with reality, what is right there in front of us. We can still fight injustice or take to task someone who has cheated us, but we need to keep on moving. We have a life to live and there are things to do. We don’t have the time to blame, analyze and worry.

But how do we move on when something devastating has happened to us? Moving on has to do with accepting our life at this very moment. It means feeling the feelings we often find unacceptable – the raging anger, the gut wrenching hurt, the intense hate. To own these feelings as our own, regardless of how they came about, opens the door to a new and healing way of looking at our life. It takes tremendous bravery to look at a life that is full of human frailties as well as triumphs and accept it wholly as our own.

Taking responsibility means accepting a life, in total! Whether we like it or not, the life we are living is ours, and not someone else’s. We do not get to feel proprietary only when it suits us or when things are going our way.

I own my life—the good, the bad and the ugly. It is not an accident, not even one, little, tiny part of it. This does not mean that there was not room for improvement or that I might not do things differently from where I now stand. All it means is that I trust the process. The universe delivered, and it ended up with me, not someone else.

from Reality Works - Let It Happen Copyright Chandra Alexander