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What We Can Learn from Suffering
Suffering…it’s been on my mind lately because a loved one is currently in a painful health crisis. But I also have friends suffering from the stress of their jobs; and several others suffering from low self esteem or jealousy. Suffering is a human condition and a relative emotional state. The experience of one suffering with jealousy or job stress can be many times worse than the suffering of another with ill health. It depends on awareness and perspective.
Weeks ago I received a message from coach Tom Stone describing a bicycle accident he had in November. He cracked ribs and broke his collar bone, ending up in the hospital in a great deal of pain. During his ER visit, his wife Lynda lightened the mood by quipping in loving baby talk, “Aw, Tommy fall down go Boom!" This cracked them both up and brought humor to the situation; as well as a critical awareness: he was finding amusement despite the pain. There is a difference between the sensation of pain, and the suffering which is an emotional response to that pain. In that moment, while he continued to experienced pain, the suffering was replaced by joy.
Imagine how this might work in your stressful job. Under-the-gun at work you feel worn down, frustrated, annoyed, or angry -- emotional responses to the pressure. While your workplace may not change, you have control over how you react to it and with awareness can choose a more enjoyable experience.
I remember once being requested to attend a work meeting in the early evening that conflicted with a personal appointment that I’d had scheduled for months. When I got the meeting notice – the day before – I immediately felt extremely frustrated and abused. For about 30 minutes following, I silently railed against the unfairness, hated my situation, and suffered from many miserable angry feelings.
Fortunately this toxic jolt of anger actually caught my attention (sometimes I find it hard to tune into my underlying emotions) and I wondered if there was another way to look at it. What came to me was: 1) I could appreciate that I’d been asked to join a meeting with the president of the company. Great face time. Great for my career. 2) I could ask to reschedule my personal appointment for later in the evening...which ultimately turned out perfectly!
What started as an emotion of suffering turned into a feeling of luck and gratitude rather quickly. But it took my becoming aware of the initial emotion to make that shift in perspective.
Right now I am reading an amazing book called Kitchen Table Wisdom by Rachel Naomi Remen, MD. She shares many stories of people who find grace and healing through their experience with personal crisis, especially struggles with cancer. In many cases the patient’s emotions change through the process, like alchemy, undergoing a transformation from misery to a more understanding, connected and alive perspective. The pain isn’t less, but the suffering is.
These beautiful lessons on living, also give us a new way to look at suffering. From the experience of suffering can come profound awareness and the capacity to be fully alive. Dr. Remen says, “A patient once told me that he had tried to ignore his own suffering and the suffering of other people because he had wanted to be happy. Yet becoming numb to suffering will not make us happy. The part in us that feels suffering is the same as the part that feels joy.”
Thank you for joining in this exploration of what we can learn from suffering. I would love to hear your opinion on the subject!
Laura | THRIVE against the grain
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I have always believed that without suffering we would never be able to feel true enjoyment. We never know how good of a life we have until we see the other end of the spectrum. I know this article is fairly lighthearted, but it reminded me of a book I read by Viktor Frankl called man's search for meaning. In the book he documents his experiences as a Jew in a Nazi concentration camp. He then talks about how much meaning life has after experiencing such atrocious acts. Though I don't wish suffering of that magnitude on anyone, it really makes you realize how great life really is.
This post make me remember the time when I was suffering from being a bedridden. I was really down that moment. I felt that God do not really exist but, as I overcome my situation I have learned that it was just part of my trials and the most important learning that I have earned that moment is that a stronger faith will make you more safer and closer to God. Great post!
Well written and so true!
There is usually a bright side to every situation - sometimes you have to look pretty hard, but it is encouraging to look at life that way and to try to help others around you do the same. I have been teaching my family to choose looking for the positive in all situations and it has revolutionized our home. It is usually a choice you have to make to look on the bright side - it is not what comes naturally. But the joy you feel brings a great benefit to you and those around you.
I suffered a lot when I was younger due to my sexual orientation. I'm thankful that I had though, because it made me the person I am today. I feel like I'm now better able to help others.
I love your post it got me really thinking. It would make us all feel alot better if when we started feeling pain think and do other things so we can forget it. Always look for the bright side as it will get better.
yes you are true.. sufferings will be for every one.. the thing is how he make his suffering whether good or bad..
I would also like to add that emotional suffering can and will manifest itself into illness suffering of the physical kind. The mental and physical toll that stress/suffering takes on the human body is truly amazing and quite scary. We have our society set up in a way that our minds and bodies were never intended to deal with. That said, your article is great. Thanks for posting this!
I loved this blog. This is very true. Many times we can't change our circumstances, but we do control our attitude to those circumstances.
I really like this post. I reminds me of what my grandmother used to say. With out the sour the sweet will never be so sweet. If no human ever suffered we would have no perspective as to happiness and joy.
Your post says a lot about human nature. I think we all suffer at some point in our lives. Whether is comes from stress, relationships, hardships or financial crisis it is our (human) nature to suffer a little. I believe it makes us stronger and better to cope with what the world deals out to us and the world can deal a lot of suffering.
As a reader of Thich Nhat Hanh (friend of Dalai Lama), I've learned that suffering is something we all need to be aware of. This includes our own personal suffering and the suffering of others. I especially liked this blog at the part where you became aware of your own personal suffering and then became aware of that suffering, turning it into positive energy. Our ability to do this will enable all of us to better understand and appreciate what we have and better help us to sympathize/alleviate the suffering of others.
The wisdom you portray in this blog post is amazing. So many go through life never realizing the truth of what you have said. I personally have been learning this lesson over the past year and a half, and while it is not an easy lesson to learn, it is a very important one. I have experienced pain, both physical and emotional, and I, too, tried to shut out the suffering and pretend everything was "okay". Like Dr. Remen's patient, I learned that by ignoring suffering, you cannot experience true joy. If you ignore the suffering of others, you cannot help them. I believe the truest forms of joy are experienced when you are helping others. Likewise, if you do not acknowledge your own suffering and decide to overcome it with joy, you will only suffer more. Why choose pain when you can choose life and happiness?
Sadly, you cannot have the good without the bad. How would you know true joy without knowing true suffering and sadness? We all get down and stressed out, and need to be aware of that and take responsibility for it if we want to change. A good article that will hopefully help people change the way they think about their own particular struggles. There are millions of people who are suffering everyday, but not all of them are necessarily unhappy or sad. Have you ever seen a happy homeless man or person down on their luck? I have, and it was because they didn’t simply linger on the bad, but were grateful for what they did have.
Each and every human will suffer at one point of time or other.Yes i agree with this post.Life means we should meet both the ends good and bad.Your post says a lot about human nature and life.Thank you.
"Imagine how this might work in your stressful job. Under-the-gun at work you feel worn down, frustrated, annoyed, or angry -- emotional responses to the pressure. While your workplace may not change, you have control over how you react to it and with awareness can choose a more enjoyable experience."
True, true, but sooo hard to deal with when the people around you don't change.
Indeed, it is so hard. But we must remember that we can not control how others react, only how we react to them. With personal awareness and responsibility for our own reactions and emotions we no longer (or maybe I should say, "not as often" because it IS hard) give away our power to those others around us who don't or can't change.
The blog was well written and indeed humbling. It is hard to imagine that through pain comes pleasure. If we could only "remember" to use this philosophy in our everyday trials, our lives would be much more ideal.
Yes! It is important to realize what it is that is angering us so that we don't displace the blame on someone or something undeserving.
This is really a good entry. We can definitely learn a lot of good things from our sufferings. You can enjoy the good only if you experience the bad. The problems in our lives are the greatest lessons one can learn.The night's darkness will go off when the day sets in.
I was interested in this article because we have just gone through two weeks of watching our oldest son overcome a serious bout of pneumonia, with complications that resulted in major surgery. His suffering actually brought around my own mother, who was mad at him about a trifling thing.
I agree. I think that people need to learn that all experiences, even the bad ones, are chances to learn something about yourself or someone else. Great article- thanks!
That is so powerful. The power of positive thinking can easily move one to overcome a bad experience. you have a new reader.
Great article and beautifully written. You're right without suffering there would be no joy, you can't have one without the other. All experiences, even the bad ones are important to us and our life's journey.
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