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How I Discovered 10 Principles of a Well Lived Life
How I Discovered 10 Principles of a Well Lived Life
Words are the substance of life. They can empower. Like, “Go ‘head girl, you got it!” Words can also change lives. “I’m sorry, but… you have breast cancer.” After a routine exam followed by a biopsy; my doctor uttered these words and my life as I’d known it, was forever changed. “How could this be? I am in the best shape of my life.” I thought to myself, as he handed me a referral to see a surgeon. I was 38 years old and I thought I was going to die. Well, as you can see, I didn’t die. However, my mother did.
A mere 2 months after I’d had a successful mastectomy and reconstruction surgery, my mother, seven hundred miles away, telephoned to tell me that she’d gone to the doctor, they’d found something, and she was going to need surgery. The lump was on the left side. Like the initials of our names, our cancers mimicked one another. She had the surgery, followed by radiation. Within a year, she was gone.
A guy I once dated would on occasion call me a “Happy White Person.” Although it was rather derogatory, it wasn’t far off from how I positioned my life, at least the happy part. I’d come of age during the “Don’t worry Be Happy” era and at all costs I was trying to stay that way.
We had the funeral. I grieved, but for the most part tried to maintain my general happy and positive disposition. People were counting on it, or so I believed. But, life’s one certainty, that death eludes no one, was slowly revealing to me the naiveté of excessively embracing the notion that all you had to do in life was focus on staying positive and everything would go your way.
About a month after the funeral I went to Chicago to attend an intensive week-long acting and writing workshop at Second City Comedy Center. It was the hardest, yet the best thing I could have done. We did all kinds of wild and crazy exercises like, became animals and created these out-the-box characters, but there was one exercise in particular that I especially enjoyed. It was called, the list of ten. The teacher would give a topic and you had to write quickly from your gut. Ten responses to the topic with no pondering allowed. We explored all kinds of things: ten clown names, ten things you hate, ten locations, ten people you love. I brought the exercise back to Howard University and passed it on to my playwriting students. I hoped that they too would discover the empowerment that comes from trusting yourself by being in the moment and learn that the one necessity of life is to feel all of your feelings fully, both the happy and the not so; and to learn how to express those feelings with honestly, dignity, and grace.
Fast forward to 2007, I moved along with the flow of my life. I set and pursued several major goals, and throughout the year, despite many challenges, most of them came to pass. Success was proving to be no stranger in 2007, but yet, things were just a bit off, there was an undeniable void. The void of not having my mother on the other end of the phone saying, “Oh, that’s good baby! That’s real good.” I had to discover that there was no comfort in a manufactured happiness, but to take real comfort in the only thing I had left. The memory of tone, pitch and timbre that could put everything into perspective because when she spoke, her words were few, but they carried strength. They told you, “Go ‘head girl, you got it;” memory of a laugh so sweet people two doors down from her hospital room would break into a smile. Memories of love and support that I didn’t always acknowledge, yet finally realized she didn’t need me to.
As 2007 was coming to an end I started thinking about my new year’s resolution. I always made a resolution. I liked having something to focus on throughout the year. However, one after the other I discarded each topic that came to mind. Uninspired, I brought in the new year unable to declare the holiday’s pre-requisite: hoped-for-change.
Two weeks into ‘08, restless, missing the feeling of being anchored that declaring a resolution always made me feel; I got up around midnight, got out my pen and some paper and started my list of 10. 10 Principles for a well lived life, I wrote, and effortlessly the list came through: Life, Faith, Revolution, Reciprocity, Creation, Friendship, Affirmation, Mission, Inspiration, and Beauty. I pulled out my dictionary and looked up each word meditating on understanding its meaning and significance in my life. As I read back over the list, I nodded my head in agreement, knowing that this list was something that had been working in me every since I’d heard those words, “I’m sorry, you have breast cancer;” every since my mother said she was going to be alright and the next thing I knew there we all were, gathered around, burying her next to her mother. I knew that in 2008 and beyond this list of 10 principles for a well lived life was something I would embrace and strive to embody for the rest of my life. Not just believe them, but become them. Living life guided by a list of 10.
I think you should give it a try. Get out your pen, some paper, give yourself a topic and let the magic of trusting yourself, listening to your inner-you, give you the kind of discovery that only your soul knows you need.
Remember, time is short. Do your happy dance. Enjoy life!
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Wonderful inspiring story about ur personal experiences. I salute you for ur courage and determination
What an inspirational story. Maybe that should be my New Year's resolution- to find my 10. Truly a great article- thanks for being so open.
That was so touching, I am really moved by your story. I like the concept of the 10 principles and I'm going to give this a try.
Beautiful! Inspiring. Thank you
Wow. This is such an inspirational message. You have a great message, and you presented it so beautifully. I'm going to join you in finding my 10. Thanks.
That brought a tear to the eye. What a difficult journey life is, but something to be gained from every bit of it. You go ahead, girl.
Thanks for the encouragement to listen to my inner self. That is valuable advice for everyone. Knowing yourself is truly the key to a well lived life. Being happy is good - but having a life filled with joy is even better, and joy comes from within.
First let me congratulate you on being a breast cancer survivor and offer my sympathy on the loss of your mother to the same disease. Both of my grandmothers and two of my friends are survivors, so I do understand that issue to some regards. That said, I really like your 10 word list. At first it looks so simple; however, if you re-read it and affix all of the connotations and denotations of those words, its very very deep.
Great blog. And there's nothing wrong with being a "happy white person."
Hi thanks for sharing your great experience with us..
THank you for your kind words everyone. Your energy and support are very meaningful to me as I continue on my path in life. Take care,
Denise
Hi Thanks for sharing your experience with rest of the world which is a difficult thing to do. You are a brave person and never lost your guts even during most difficult period of your life. Your post is well written and it is an inspiration for us. List of ten principles is very helpful.
Thank you for a beautiful and inspirational blog. It's so hard to remember that life is indeed short, and we need to not obsess over every little thing! Very well written and easy to read as well.
I am sorry about your mother, but it is true that no one eludes death. I liked your view on life. How we have to take the pain with the pleasant. That is not always easy to do, but by God's grace we can face the many ups and downs of this life.
So Very Well Written! My grandmother died suddenly after what was supposed to be a simple surgery to remove a lump from her breast, so I can relate to that. I love being apart of my community theater, so I can relate to that. I love my mom more than anyone in the world, so I can relate to that. And I was an English major and a journalism minor in college so I can really appreciate how very well written and inspiring this Blog is. Thank you for sharing!
inspirational story! Very encouraging principles as well. I think if everyone took the time to reach inside and find principles such as these they would find the courage to live a wonderful life.
Thank you for sharing such a painful, yet inspiring story with us. Your story and the story of your mother gives us all courage. The principles you mention for a well lived life are definitely some of the most important.
I too lost my mother when I was seventeen, thirty two years ago, and there is not a day that goes by that I do not think of her. My mother died from lupus, and I cannot tell you how bad it was, to have no insurance and to have her die in the county hospital in Houston, Texas. I do not really understand your list of 10 principles for a well lived life. But I do know that a daughter losing a mother, is something you are never able to overcome.
What an inspirational story. I can relate to having your life changed in a split second with only a few words from your doctor but like you I learned to remain positive and live in the moment. Good or bad I feel my feelings but most of all I live in laughter and joy. Your mother was a fantastic person I can tell and you are an inspiration to me. Guess what I am off to do?...write my list of 10. :) Thanks again.
You have amazing courage and are truly an inspiration. I've never had to go through all that you have, but if I ever do I hope to face it with even just a portion of your strength.
Thanks, very interesting blog which I would definitely recommend. It's nice to see how other people realize these principles, as really, it is quite difficult to find them.
Your life experience is truly inspiring. Positive thoughts and the will to live will certainly lengthen the life span. It is a touching blog indeed.
thank you all for sharing your kind words and sharing your stories. I am grateful for each of you and wish you a life filled with courage and fulfilment of your dreams!
Denise
The Motivation Mama!
I was diagnosed with breast cancer last year at the age of 35. After a multitude of biopsies and finally bilateral mastectomies in April 08, I am now cancer-free. I also had a relative diagnosed with breast cancer around the same time as my diagnosis, although my aunt was diagnosed before me. Ten days after my mastectomies, my aunt lost her battle with breast cancer. She was always the one to lift me up and tell me everything was going to be okay. At a time that I should have been grateful for my life and what I was able to overcome, I found myself drowning in despair and so lost. Thank you for your story filled with inspiration and hope.
Thank you for sharing your personal experience. I am very sorry for the loss of your mother. It sounds like she raised a wonderful strong woman! I love your last line!
Thank you. Your mother sounds like a beautiful soul and the way you describe her brings tears to my eyes.
The list of 10 is interesting; I'll definitely have to try that soon.
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