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When People Aren't Meant To Be Together Anymore, They're Not
We assign reasons for why people are together as though logic could solve the mystery. But the answer is not so much secret as it is enigmatic. Often, deep in dreams, when we are draped leg over leg, two as one, under the goose-down comforter, there, in night's stillness, we intuitively know we are exactly where we need to be.
But this does not mean that we are always ecstatically happy. Feeling good is certainly an option but clarity is what we are looking for here. When we are clear, we want to stay, regardless of how we feel. We are committed to the essence of the relationship and willingly bear its fluctuations. We often fool ourselves into thinking that this feeling has something to do with longevity. But that is not always the case. Sometimes our most profound lessons come from brief interludes-just long enough to change a life forever.
Our commitment is not based on things making sense but rather on a feeling that lets us know we are where we need to be right now. This distinction of "right now" recognizes that what we need to learn and whom we need to learn it with changes all the time. How long we are with someone is not something we can intellectually or physically manipulate. We might convince ourselves that we are with this person for a specific reason, but the truth is that relationships adhere to the laws of physics and energetically have a life of their own.
Like everything else in the universe, each of us has a vibration. This vibration moves at a certain frequency and pulls to us someone who has a vibration that fits with ours. As long as these vibrations remain in sync, people stay together. When they are no longer a match, people drift apart. Simply said, when people aren't meant to be together anymore, they're not.
I realized the truth of this statement after a couple years of psychotherapy. Both friends and acquaintances frequently commented on how mismatched my husband and I seemed to be. He was very involved in worldly life and I, on the other hand, was much more connected to my inner life. There were problems from the beginning that continued throughout our relationship, but for some unknown reason I chose to ignore them. I tried unsuccessfully to leave the relationship several times, and when I finally did, I never looked back. As the marriage ended in divorce and I heard myself saying we were never meant to be together, I could feel the incongruity. We had been together and, whether I liked it or not, it was something that was meant to be-if only for a limited period of time. From the outside we seemed so different, but I knew we were vibrating at the same frequency. I pulled him to me just like he pulled me to him. Rather than think the marriage a mistake, I somehow knew it had been a perfect match. We had something to learn from one another, and this was the universe's way of making it happen. The same law of energy that had magnetically drawn us together was now responsible for our separation-the energy had simply vanished.
from Reality Works - Let It Happen Copyright Chandra Alexander
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Wow! That's a lot of very useful info packed into a few short paragraphs! No wonder Oprah likes her!
I disagree with you 100%, marriage is not for five years or seven years, yes people grow apart but if you work at your marriage you can get that connection back. Marriage is a covenant and a promise that you do not only make to yourself and spouse but also to God.
I also have to disagree with this article. Marriage is and always will be work. It's pretty sad how people take something so beautiful for granted. I, on the otherhand, will do whatever it takes to make my marriage work. If we fall apart, I will always be able to say, "I did everything in my power that I could possibly do." Nothing worth having is free. There's always a catch, if someone claims it is. I think this article was poorly put together, based on someone's personal experience. It doesn't exactly make it true to other people, and it's a great way to discourage anyone. There should've been more put into this.
I've met many married couples who have gone so close to separation but were really able to work it out. It was hard, but all relationships need work. Although your blog is full of information, I have to say that I can't agree with it.
I understand that people can grow apart, but people in a marriage don't just give up. You learn new ways to grow together. While I can agree with the philosophy that people aren't always in sync, that doesn't mean that they give up.
I think it's it's very good advice to work at being in tune with one another and to pay attention to what's going on with yourself. If I were to feel that I was no longer where I wanted to be, I'd work very hard to get to the same place again with my spouse. I'm not sure how vibrations work, but if I relied on the vibrations my husband was giving off when he watches football while the laundry piled up, his butt would be on the curb every Sunday. Relationships are work.
I have a very wise friend who told me that for men getting married isn't about finding that perfect someone it's about timing. They auddenly find themselves ready for marriage and will marry whoever is around at that time. I know that women work differently but I think a lot of times it does happen that we end up marrying someone who's convenient. I think that you really need to know yourself before you can find someone who suits you. I also think that if you find that you are no longer in sync with someone there's no reason to try to become in sync again because it's not something that can be forced.
I have been with my husband almost 18 years. I have to disagree with you a bit because we purposely try to grow together as a couple. It doesn't always just happen. Granted 99% of the time it is easy but there is that other 1% where you need to work on it.
I think you marry for better or worse and you have to tough it out.
I have to respectfully say that from the beginning I got the impression you're justifying your own experience. Your divorce and decisions are clothed in beautiful language, but in my opinion we each have to face our own selfishness. We're all cut out of the same cloth. Yes, I've been married a long time. My husband's my best friend. No, neither of us came from homes with parents who had great marriages. Sorry, but I don't agree with your reasoning.
I'm surprised how many people criticize this article. I and many others who've read this and understand the Universal vibrations and frequencies totally agree with it. It's called Law Of Attraction people. Try learning about this Universal Law sumtime. IT could CHANGE your LiFe! GREAT ARTICLE!!!
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