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What's A Dysfunctional Relationship?
No one likes to think of themselves as being in a dysfunctional relationship, but at one time or another, all of us have experienced these feelings. We all do it wrong until we learn how to do it right. Here a few things to think about. Dysfunctional relationships make you feel bad about yourself. When you feel bad about yourself...
- You always feel resentful. If you're always resentful, you're in a dysfunctional relationship. Being resentful means you are doing things on a daily basis that you do not want to do. And that makes you very angry. Anger is very unattractive and is really sadness flipped unpside down.
- You have a walking on eggs relationship. You are always waiting for the other shoe to drop, always afraid of what the other person's response might be. You tip-toeing around waiting for the "right" time to talk (there never is a right time).
- You feel more and more isolated. You stop talking to friends and family because you are ashamed and embarrassed to keep repeating your story.
- You doubt yourself - what you at one time knew to be true you now are unsure of. As your self-esteem drops, you are less and less sure of yourself.
- You have become "less" (than who you really are) to stay in it. The whole reason to be in relationship with another person is that you can be more. The feeling is "crank it up", not tone it down. If you are less than what you know (in your heart) you can be - you are in a dysfunctional relationship.
- You behave in ways that you don't like. You have more and more moments when you say" I don't like who I am when I am with this person. What am I doing? I don't even recognize myself."
- You are keeping score. - emotional score. This comes from resentment, from never really getting the things you need. You are always waiting for the other person to do it first but when you wait for the other person, you always lose.
- You care more about being right than feeling right. You are invested in being right to make your point and even when you get the other person to agree, you still feel bad.
- You treat each other like adversaries, never friends. You never cut each other slack and are always quick to point out the other's mistake.
- You feel guilty when you think of leaving - guilt is not a real feeling (it is really resentment). We feel guilt when we do things we do not want to do, and then when we think of stopping doing what we don't want to do,- we feel guilty.
- You stay - not because you feel good, but because you are afraid to leave. You are CO_DEPENDENT.
Acknowledging true feelings is the beginning of change. You cannot move to a place that works from a place that doesn't work unless you are willing to be brutally honest this present moment.
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Very well written... I think anyone who has ever experienced the torment of a dysfunctional relationship should keep these points in mind. Breaking away may be difficult, but no one should live under circumstances like this!
This was a very insightful blog that proves that relationships don't have to be physically violent to be bad.
This is a great list. I was in a relationship like that once, and all of those things were true. Getting out of that situation was the hardest thing I've ever done, but the best thing I've ever done. If your life is like this, make a change!!
This sounds like an eye opener for people, I have not beein in bad relationship, except for long distance. This blog is informative and give perfect things to watch out for. These are all red flags that will eventually come up in a relationship.
Wow!! I am going through a something now with my relationship and was starting to think I made the wrong decision about leaving but after reading this .... i know i did the right thing. Thank you for such an informative and reassuring article!
Thank you. I think this is helpful to people who may be in denial about the health of their relationships. I've seen each of these points illustrated in one of my relationships and it is just validation that things don't feel right for a reason. It doesn't feel right because it isn't.
What a great article! I am not in a personal relationship like this but I have been in business relationships that had many of the same symptoms. I never saw it till a friend listened to me one day and told me that I was actually in an "abusive relationship" with a client...when I actually started thinking about it and again after reading your wonderful post, it was true. Thankfully once my eyes were open things got better and I no longer have this business relationship anymore.
Just wanted to point out that relationships can include business people and people we know at work or work with on a daily basis.
It was an eye opener for me, when my friend pointed it out.
Thanks for a great article.
What a great blog article! I think copies should be posted in women's restroom stalls all across the country. Thanks for sharing this with us readers!
This is a very insightful post. You made some very great points ring very clearly in my mind.One that I find to be particularly striking:
"guilt is not a real feeling (it is really resentment). We feel guilt when we do things we do not want to do, and then when we think of stopping doing what we don't want to do,- we feel guilty."
Thank you, for sharing this.
I whole-heartedly agree with this blog. People don't seem to understand when they're in a dysfunctional relationship, so they never know when to get out of it. This blog helps them understand that. It clears everything up enough for them to make a clear and regretless decision. This article in a winner, by far.
The first step of having a better life with a good relationship is to acknowledge that you are in a dysfunctional relationship. Your blog is specific enough that readers are able to understand and and reevaluate their own relationships. I like your blog.
Your blog is so completely true, I'm not in a relationship with those qualities now, but almost everyone before now has. It's ashame to see all the people today that are unhappy with their love life but do nothing to stop it.. Great advice in this article.
Oh, these are soooo true! If only we could see these things for ourselves when we're in the relationship! This makes for a great checklist of things to watch for!
Very imformative! Thanks
this is a very concise statement about dysfunctional relationships. to be honest, i wish i had had something as straightforward as this list 2 years ago, when my sister was contemplating divorce. it would have at least given me something to lay out in front of her, instead of just pleas to leave her husband.
This is a very well-written written blog. Anyone who's been in a dysfunctional relationship before knows that much of what is mentioned on this blog does sadly occur. This blog is very concise and clear, making it informative and an easy read.
I like the way everything is written out in a very clear format, with bold font to draw attention to each area. It's important people recognize the symptoms of a dysfunctional relationship, if they ever wish to have a functional one!
I think this is an informative blog that analyzes and lists the symptoms of a dysfunctional relationship. I like it's clarity.
I like how this blog lists symptoms in a clear fashion. Thankfully, I didn't check any of them off! Phew! I do think there are other symptoms of being in a unhealthy relationship, but these are biggies. I think it's a good blog to read, for anyone. It may shock some people into realizing "this is me" and it may help others in the future. Thank you!
There is some good information on this blog. Fortunately my relationship doesn't have any of these aspects, but from previous experience I can say that these 11 symptoms are definitely signs of a dysfunctional relationship. Thanks.
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