A New Paradigm For Differing Libidos
I've lived a controversial life. I also see the world through different eyes than most I run across.
As I've been invited to write here as a featured blogger after someone at this site read my blog, I've decided to just jump in and begin with a topic that seems mild to me, but pushes lots of buttons.
I've decided my first post will be inspired by this post by Dr. Mark Goulston about couples who have differing libidos and what to do about it.
As a former Courtesan, I've talked to many, many men in this position. But this challenge is not just about men. I also talk to many women in the position of not having their sexual needs met in either frequency or the type of sex that leaves them fully sated.
What to do in a monogamous relationship where one person's needs aren't being met and the other is comfortable with themselves so feels no need to change and meet the other half way? Or if they are simply not well matched in all areas of their sexuality...for example if one is attracted to exploring particular kinks, and they hold no turn- on for the partner?
I have two solutions for this situation which plagues most relationships. It will work for people who are ready to take the next step in relationship and what it can be to propel our inner growth and spiritual journeys.
If the relationship is monogamous and the person who's needs aren't being met is being required to remain monogamous, I call this a "Holding Hostage" situation. Both solutions are based in honesty and transparency. Both require that the each person take responsibility for themselves and maintain a desire for both partners to be all they can be. Both require revisiting the concept of relationship being based on monogamy.
The first is to have a polyamorous relationship. By this, I mean having more than one partner, but being honest about it with my primary partner. This might get tricksy in the heart department, but is well worth the journey for those who want to engage in the work it can take to do this kind of relationship successfully. THE strongest relationships I know are those who are polyamorous.
The other would be to hire a Courtesan with the partner's permission. S/he is trained to be a professional companion...is there to be an "outlet" of sorts for the sexual component which is missing, cares about the man and his family while fully understanding the importance about not getting emotionally entangled.
I know both these approaches are new ways of looking at relationships. But our current paradigm of lying, deceit, being held hostage, resentment, needs not being met and drying up in relationship aren't working, either. Perhaps it's time for some of us to revisit our paradigms....???