When we love, most of us think it is a statement about the object of our affection, the one we love. But the truth is – loving is always about us, never about anyone else. That does not mean that others do not affect us, they do. But they are not the source of love. Rather they serve as catalysts by allowing us to touch our own vulnerability so that we may love.

If we are inspired it is because we allowed ourselves to be touched, and if we are overwhelmed with tenderness and compassion it is because our hearts are open and willing to feel.

We do not inadvertently fall in love. Initially there may have been an unplanned seductive encounter and a few, perhaps numerous, flashes of euphoria, but eventually the moment passes and we are left with having to make a conscious decision about loving. No matter how hard we try, we cannot indefinitely stay in an altered state. Inevitably, we are catapulted back to earth and the person across from us is ‘the other.” To move forward we need to choose love.

The pain from being pulled apart manifests in many ways, most of them unconscious. We are once again separate and our first reaction is to pull back, to protect ourselves. Sometimes we strike out and say cruel things and other times we retreat, barely saying a word. We are not accustomed to dealing with these feelings and it’s hard to understand how something that felt so close now feels so distant. But that is because we forget. We forget why we are here and what we have come to learn.

When we are swept away, we are initially transported to a place of oneness. We have lost our self-consciousness and merged our individual Self with that of another. Together we have formed a divine union and for an instant, our separateness has dissolved.

But we are all different and togetherness does not last for long. We are playing a human game and in due time we are apart once again. This is not something we need to react to – it is simply what happens in mortal relationships. Nothing stays the same. This may be what scares us but it is also what encourages us to go deeper.

This is the perfect opportunity to acknowledge the division and choose to love the differences.

It is this conscious choice to love that opens our hearts. No one can do this for us, no matter how beautiful or wonderful they are. Ultimately, whom we love is less important than how we love.

from Reality Works - Let It Happen copyright Chandra Alexander, MSW